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11/12/2005 10:35:41 PM · #1 |
Ya know...I have been divorced for 13 years. Have dated a few men since that time. And since my life is relatively calming down, I have decided to go back out on the dating scene. Oh my goodness....its so frustrating to find and nice, hardworking, decent guy. You can read all the profiles online and I just shake my head. I hate the bar scene and my friends try to hook me up but....whoa buddy I have gone out with some real freaks. (I don't think my friends really know what my taste in guys are.) Wondering...anyone else have this problem and if so, have you fixed it? If so, please tell me!!!!
g
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11/12/2005 10:46:31 PM · #2 |
After my last relationship had bombed and did 2 years of counseling.....I took a step back....and adopted the mantra of, "Why love one when you can love them all?" Dated several different types of men and wasn't looking for anything serious and out of no where the boyfriend I have now popped into my life...been with him since 98' :) I had to learn how to be alone in my own skin first....not easy at first.
When you start to take care of yourself, do things for yourself and have fun....is when someone will come into your life. For me also...I had to quit drinking...drinking, for me, dulled the ache and made dealing with shit much harder if not impossible. (haven't drank since 93 :)
Message edited by author 2005-11-12 22:50:19. |
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11/12/2005 10:49:36 PM · #3 |
I don't think there is a fix. Then again I live in an uber-remote, exceedingly low population-density area, the odds here of finding a single non-anti-psychotic-needing person is v e r y low here so I live vicariously through ... hhmmmm, through ... something.
That's cynical jp talking.
Keep looking, a good one is out there - I think you have weed the garden before you can count your prize rutabaga though. Unfortunately they're usually in the same boat as you so it may be difficult finding them.
Good luck! |
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11/12/2005 10:49:38 PM · #4 |
I have been divorced for almost 5 years. I tried meeting people online and only had one semi-successful relationship come out of that. Most of the people I have met online have been 'interesting' in some way or another but they generally never work out, so I sorta abandoned that effort. Meeting people online seems 'backwards' to the way I have met people in the past. I'm not sure I could ever get used to meeting and getting to know people before you actually met in person.
Everyone says they hate the bar scene. I don't hate it so much. If you are interested in meeting people, there are people to be met there. That's why they go there in most cases. I have met more interesting people at bars and night clubs than I have ever met online. Some bars are better than others though. It's difficult to have much of a converstation in a loud bar.
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11/12/2005 10:52:08 PM · #5 |
Originally posted by gayle43103:
Ya know...I have been divorced for 13 years. Have dated a few men since that time. And since my life is relatively calming down, I have decided to go back out on the dating scene. Oh my goodness....its so frustrating to find and nice, hardworking, decent guy. You can read all the profiles online and I just shake my head. I hate the bar scene and my friends try to hook me up but....whoa buddy I have gone out with some real freaks. (I don't think my friends really know what my taste in guys are.) Wondering...anyone else have this problem and if so, have you fixed it? If so, please tell me!!!!
g |
ASL? Pic?
kidding! just kidding!
Dating sucks. I hate it! I don't have any words of wisdom except any conversation that starts "was it good for you" is probly not the right one to start.
M
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11/12/2005 10:55:43 PM · #6 |
 What you need is a someone you'd be proud to take home to mum....like me! But I'm married, as all us nice guys are! :p
Best of luck in your search! |
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11/12/2005 10:57:21 PM · #7 |
I am a happy married man, but the majority of my friends are facing the same problem. Where I work for example, there are many intelligent and extremely attractive single women who are really tired and bored of being single and yet can't find their match. I am very sure that there are as many attractive men out there, but how are they supposed to find each other? I agree with you in that it's very frustrating.
My advice to you is to not give up, if you keep looking hard you might find nothing but more freaks, but if you don't you won't have a chance on finding the right person. |
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11/12/2005 11:06:31 PM · #8 |
I was married & divorced 'early' (ooooh 20+ yrs ago .. wow.. that long ago ..)
found out way back then -
the people you meet at bars are the people who like going to bars
- not someone whom i would marry (again) . ..
-the people you meet at school are the people who go to school
(where i met spouse #2 14 years ago .... )
so i would suggest nightclasses .... |
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11/12/2005 11:10:35 PM · #9 |
| I predict Gayle is going to get 250+ profile views from this thread - (single ladies and the Internet and all). If anything comes from it you'll at least know they share at least one interest! :) |
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11/12/2005 11:11:44 PM · #10 |
I seem to be doing pretty well. Try getting out and doing more activities. I do TONS of things, ie: volunteer, go to events, church, etc. I think if you just get out more (not saying you don't!!) you'll meet people who like to do the things you do. That's a huge first step, you'll already have alike interests.
But I'm only 19, so I'm no Dr. Phil! |
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11/12/2005 11:18:04 PM · #11 |
I guess I'm an anomaly. Four years ago I was bored and lonley and got sucked into scrolling through profiles on Match.com.
Mostly I was just laughing and the losers and liars. Then a certain guy caught my eye. Against my better judgement, I signed up for the site just to contact him.
Long story short, we're coming up on our 2 year wedding anniversary and haven't looked back since. We both lived virtually parallel lives and would not have worked out had we met before we matured and mellowed.
They are out there. A friend gave me some excellent advice when I was trying to decide whether or not to meet him in person. She said "Live your life with no regrets." |
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11/12/2005 11:20:58 PM · #12 |
Originally posted by gayle43103:
Ya know...I have been divorced for 13 years. Have dated a few men since that time. And since my life is relatively calming down, I have decided to go back out on the dating scene. Oh my goodness....its so frustrating to find and nice, hardworking, decent guy. You can read all the profiles online and I just shake my head. I hate the bar scene and my friends try to hook me up but....whoa buddy I have gone out with some real freaks. (I don't think my friends really know what my taste in guys are.) Wondering...anyone else have this problem and if so, have you fixed it? If so, please tell me!!!!
g |
When you let the tiger out of the cage, don't expect gratitude from the tiger. |
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11/12/2005 11:32:44 PM · #13 |
Originally posted by Makka:
What you need is a someone you'd be proud to take home to mum....like me! But I'm married, as all us nice guys are! :p
Best of luck in your search! |
You are soooo right....all the nice ones are married!!
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11/12/2005 11:34:58 PM · #14 |
Originally posted by mavrik:
Originally posted by gayle43103:
Ya know...I have been divorced for 13 years. Have dated a few men since that time. And since my life is relatively calming down, I have decided to go back out on the dating scene. Oh my goodness....its so frustrating to find and nice, hardworking, decent guy. You can read all the profiles online and I just shake my head. I hate the bar scene and my friends try to hook me up but....whoa buddy I have gone out with some real freaks. (I don't think my friends really know what my taste in guys are.) Wondering...anyone else have this problem and if so, have you fixed it? If so, please tell me!!!!
g |
ASL? Pic?
kidding! just kidding!
Dating sucks. I hate it! I don't have any words of wisdom except any conversation that starts "was it good for you" is probly not the right one to start.
M |
Oh mavrik...you're such a kidder and yes "was it good for you" is not the right one...lol
g
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11/12/2005 11:37:17 PM · #15 |
Originally posted by alfresco:
I predict Gayle is going to get 250+ profile views from this thread - (single ladies and the Internet and all). If anything comes from it you'll at least know they share at least one interest! :) |
If any of those views are single intelligent men...I'll consider them...lol
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11/12/2005 11:58:07 PM · #16 |
I have to agree with colyla in that he'll probably come when you're not looking for him. When I met my husband, I had just gotten out of a terrible relationship and was swearing off men for awhile. Lo and behold I ran into him, in a bar no less, and we've been together ever since. 8 years later, 5 of them married, and 2 boys running around, couldn't be happier. I never would have thought it way back then though... funny how things work out. Best advice I can give, is just let life lead you and don't force what isn't yet meant to be. :-)
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11/13/2005 12:07:32 AM · #17 |
I have to agree with colyla & jenesis. I was divorced 5 years...having the time of my life just being active with friends. Hiking, biking, shooting pictures. All the things I love. Then one day a woman walked into my office looking for some printing for the company she worked for. I tild her I would get her some quotes. She left and walked back in a few minutes later and gave me her cell number. I was so naive i didn't even get it. When I explained it all to a friend later he pointed out what he thought was going on. I wanted to call but was hesitant. It was my then 8 year old son that had overheard the conversation that came out with "if you don't call her Dad, you'll never know". I called. We have been married 7 years.
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11/13/2005 12:40:31 AM · #18 |
Perhaps there is hope after all. I'm not old enough to be divorced, but I'm a few months out of a two and a half year relationship and having a heck of a time meeting someone new. It's college, and if you are like me and don't care for bars or frat parties, you seem to be out of luck. Annoying as all heck, to think that I'd have to suffer smokey nights in a dive just to meet a gal. But hearing what you all have to say, I'm thinking that if I keep waiting and looking and hoping, I'll find her soon enough, on better terms. Like ralphnev said, the people you meet in bars like bars. The gal I'll meet somewhere I like will be there because she likes it too... At least, that's the theory :P
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11/13/2005 12:47:09 AM · #19 |
| Love is found outside the bars! I was divorced/single for 7 years, didn't care about meeting anyone, didn't care about dating and wasn't interested in making my life different. I met this guy, a week later moved out of the state for 8 months, returned, low and behold 3 days after my return to town and job I met this guy again! We worked together, talked, had fun, our kids became friends, his kids spending the night at my house, he asked me on a "date" .. I went .. we were married 1 1/2 yrs later and have now been together for 6 years! Who needs a bar!!! :) |
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11/13/2005 01:01:16 AM · #20 |
| I met my current wife at a bbq I was invited along to by some friends. I took my (at the time) 2 kids along because they were only little and chicks just dig little kids! It all worked out from there! :) |
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11/13/2005 01:30:50 AM · #21 |
Gayle, my first marrage did not do so well. I had been divorced for a few years and the first 2 I did not date. Was pretty misserable during that time. I tried dating met a few nice gals and a few fruit loops, but just good not find someone i truly liked. I had decided if I did not meet someone soon I was going to call it quits for a while.
Then I saw this nice profile on Match.com, said what the heck I will send her a quick note, I probablly wont hear anything back, but still I sent her a note. A few days later I get a reply form her.
So we emailed for a while, then talked on the phone several times, then decided to meet for a date. We met at a resturaunt and they set us in the back room and no one else was in there. We had a great time and talked and talked and talked. We had to leave as the resturaunt was getting ready to close. so we went to a place next door with video games and such.
Next thing I know its 1:30 am and I have to be at work in the morning (she did not) so I walked her out to her car, kissed her good night.
to make a long story short, we just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary last weekend, and it does not seem like a year has passed at all.
So hang in there you will find someone that is right for you
James |
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11/13/2005 01:35:03 AM · #22 |
| All single men should post here! |
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11/13/2005 01:36:42 AM · #23 |
Originally posted by greatandsmall:
I guess I'm an anomaly. Four years ago I was bored and lonley and got sucked into scrolling through profiles on Match.com.
Mostly I was just laughing and the losers and liars. Then a certain guy caught my eye. Against my better judgement, I signed up for the site just to contact him.
Long story short, we're coming up on our 2 year wedding anniversary and haven't looked back since. We both lived virtually parallel lives and would not have worked out had we met before we matured and mellowed.
They are out there. A friend gave me some excellent advice when I was trying to decide whether or not to meet him in person. She said "Live your life with no regrets." |
Same here...........I was divorced for a couple years. Totally anti-marriage. So anti-marriage that it made me feel bad to watch people even get married on television. I had the urge to "Save" them all.
Met my husband online 4 years ago, we spent all of our time together and both knew right away that we would be together. Very weird :) We were officially engaged a year later, married 2 years ago. Both of us know that if we had met when we were very young, it likely would have been the wrong timing. But we both suffered through bad marriages and had an appreciation for someone that would treat us good. I have to say, I get treated better than good and I'm about the happiest a wife can be. Even with the normal marriage irritations like his clothes all over the floor and messing up my floor after I mop it, lol.
I had a personal ad on Yahoo when we met. I dated a lot and didn't have any that turned out overly horrifying. But I would simply suggest, be picky. Never ever "Settle". That was my motto.
Also, have you thought of online dating services such as eharmony? They sound like they do a pretty detailed match up. Might be worth investigating :) My SIL met her boyfriend on Match.com 2 years ago and I think they will eventually marry as well. It happens............
Your time will come when you least expect it :) |
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11/13/2005 01:43:15 AM · #24 |
Originally posted by mavrik:
Dating sucks. |
Screw dating. Sex is cool though. |
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11/13/2005 01:51:18 AM · #25 |
Originally posted by nsbca7:
Originally posted by mavrik:
Dating sucks. |
Screw dating. Sex is cool though. |
Sure it is. But I think I'd rather date a girl first and get to really know her and have it mean something romantic and special, rather than just a random hook-up. Another college pet peeve of mine...*sigh*
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