i don't know anything about portraiture, so i'm using your image to try to figure out what i think i would or wouldn't do in this situation, as well as what i notice and get out of your image.
it looks like someone wanted to both have fun, as well as hide behind a mischievious fascade. if portraiture is the art of capturing the essence of an individual, i would say that you have succeeded. the flash is a bit strong, but i don't think that really matters here, does it? good luck with this!