DPChallenge: A Digital Photography Contest You are not logged in. (log in or register) 
 

DPChallenge Forums >> General Discussion >> Dating....oh so frustrating......
Pages:  
Showing posts 26 - 50 of 119, (reverse)
AuthorThread
 11/13/2005 01:53:36 AM · #26
Originally posted by gayle43103:
Originally posted by alfresco:
I predict Gayle is going to get 250+ profile views from this thread - (single ladies and the Internet and all). If anything comes from it you'll at least know they share at least one interest! :)


If any of those views are single intelligent men...I'll consider them...lol


I viewed it. I'm single. I think I'm intelligent. So there's one for ya :-)

Robt.
 11/13/2005 02:15:32 AM · #27
uh man girls are way too much work (at least the ones ive found). I date seldomly and when I do it takes up my time way too quickly. I'm a nice guy but I have hippie hair which is a good filtering process for the superficial ones haha.
 11/13/2005 02:20:31 AM · #28
Originally posted by gayle43103:
You are soooo right....all the nice ones are married!!

Yes, we are, but I've been thinking about branching out and extending the franchise a little. After all, why should my wife be the only happy woman? ;)

On a more serious note, it seems to me that I've been seeing more and more of this in recent years. People seem to be having a harder time meeting others and dealing with relationships. My daughter is a good example. She̢۪s 27 years old, good looking, and a sweet kid, and she̢۪s had nothing but bad luck with her relationships. She hasn̢۪t had a serious boyfriend for a long time now, and I̢۪m afraid that she̢۪s given up on the whole idea. She still dates occasionally, but I get the feeling that her heart isn̢۪t in it any longer. I want so much for her to be happy, and I keep hoping that she̢۪ll find someone to love and share her life. I just wish that I could help her. We̢۪ve talked about it a few times, and I̢۪ve given her all of the advice that I thought would help, and I don̢۪t think there̢۪s much else that I can do.

So why is it harder nowadays? Are people just more self-centered than they used to be? Do they not realize that relationships require work and, at times, a little sacrifice?

11/13/2005 02:36:36 AM · #29
Originally posted by micknewton:
So why is it harder nowadays? Are people just more self-centered than they used to be? Do they not realize that relationships require work and, at times, a little sacrifice?


Maybe some of us just don't have the time at hand at the moment to give it the time it requires.
 11/13/2005 02:41:58 AM · #30
Originally posted by micknewton:

So why is it harder nowadays? Are people just more self-centered than they used to be? Do they not realize that relationships require work and, at times, a little sacrifice?


It's my theory that this is by way of karmic payback, as it were... I think it's the logical end-result of the era of disposable marriages we are weathering now. People are cynical about relationships. They're for the most part unwilling to invest the necessary energy in them, because they've seen how easily all that investment can be destroyed.

There's a matter of unrealistic expectations as well. Roles are changing willy-nilly, so it's harder to find someone whose idea of the optimum relationship resonates with yours.

Robt.
 11/13/2005 03:03:27 AM · #31
I gave up looking for the one...and now I date more than I ever have. Life is flowin' and i'm going with it. I've discovered alot about myself by being single and it just keeps getting better... somedays yes, lonely is the word that rests upon my tongue but mostly i've been open to what life puts before me and my life has been touched by some pretty incredible moments and magical people. Yes.. ;) i've also met my fair share of less than magical people but I think that has alot to do with not following my tummy tickles or "spidey senses" Live n learn and dont make the same mistake more than once (okay.. or twice lol)

I only know what works for me but taking the pressure off of myself to find a life partner has been empowering and provided me with an inner freedom that works..and has brought quality people into my world.. I can afford to be choosey and I am.

Take what you like and leave the rest kinda attitude :)

Message edited by author 2005-11-13 03:07:39.
 11/13/2005 03:13:24 AM · #32
it takes up my time way too quickly.

Well I'm gonna go Dr.Phil on you, and say it's about realizing who you are and what you want, your heart will lie to you. A relationship is teamwork. All that fluff and puff stuff is real tough so I've had enough. Can go out the door, you know what you want, you need to make it happen, and if that doesn't work, get a tazer gun and make him see the light. Dr.Phil>>>out!

Ok, what I really think. The secret is to, just be yourself. Mr. Right will know who you are, after all he is looking for you help him find you.

Message edited by author 2005-11-13 04:10:03.
 11/13/2005 07:52:53 AM · #33
I got married the first time to my high school sweetheart and had a not so good 7 year marriage. (except for the 2 wonderful girls we produced) I had never even been in a bar till I was 27 when we seperated. For the next 6 years I had a blast doing the bar scene but had no interest in dating or a serious relationship. Just used this time to find myself and really didn't know if I'd ever have a desire to marry again. I then got tired of partying all the time and decided maybe I did want to settle down. I quit the bar scene and started praying for the right one to come along. Within 2 weeks I was invited by a friend to come to a going away party for a friend of theirs and told me she was also inviting a guy who worked at the bank with her. The guy from the bank did show up but the guy who was leaving and I hit it off immediately. He was in the military and had orders to Okinawa Japan and was waiting on a top secret clearance. So then my prayer was for that clearance to take a looooong time to come through. It was 6 more months before it did and we dated none stop during that time. We just celebrated our 15 anniversary. He is the most wonderful man and no doubt my soul mate. So if you believe in the power of prayer, I highly recommend it. It sure worked for me.
 11/13/2005 08:15:40 AM · #34
Well, before March, I hadnt been on a date in over 2 years. I was just so frustrated and I had a bad experience with one person so I took some time off. I'm glad I did because when I finally met the right guy I was ready for it. Now we're getting married in 4 months and we can hardly wait. SO glad dating is over for me!

June

Message edited by author 2005-11-13 08:22:51.
 11/13/2005 08:16:11 AM · #35
When I got married, it was for the wrong reasons. I married him #1 because I thought it would be my last chance (I was only 22) and because of his children. I can't have any children of my own and he had 3, teenagers and I was 22 yrs old just barely out of teenage years myself. Things went bad from there. He was abusive and I got out.

Now 13 years later, I'm still single and very picky about who I go out with. I love all the success stories I have heard and hope maybe someday, my prince will come.

Dating is tough. Its not like it was 20 years ago. Yes I can remember what it was like 12 years ago. Next year I will be celebrating my 20th high school reunion. And I don't want to go alone. Nowadays, you have to watch who you give your number out to. And my rule of thumb is never give out my home phone #. Thank goodness for cell phones.

I did find one guy...but he's married. We are friends and talk all the time but again....he's married. I now look at him as a big brother. He kind of watches out for me and some days I'd like to strangle him mostly because he's guy but he's a great person and a good friend.

Oh and Bear....thanks for the offer...you are sweet!

g

Message edited by author 2005-11-13 08:24:16.
 11/13/2005 08:58:57 AM · #36
I got married when I was 21...just a kid (what was I thinking?!?!?) I had barely experienced any life on my own when I met the man I married. We dated for four months, married, had three wonderful boys, then things just fell apart. We were married for almost 15 years. Our divorce has been final 3 months now, and the thought of entering the dating "scene" again after so many years just really freaks me out. I don't do bars and I don't go to church so that eliminates the two most-often recommended places to meet people. I have talked to a few people I've met online (either through IM or the phone), but you never know if they are who they seem to be so I'm very leary of actually meeting someone in person.

Dating seems to be so much more of a chore these days than it was 15 years ago. There were no major concerns or issues to worry about as an 18-19-20 year-old, at least not the ones that worry and concern me today. I have to think of the safety of myself and my children...and my children will always be the biggest factor in whether or not and whom I might date in the future. I kinda doubt dating happens for a long time anyway, because middle-aged women with three young kids are just not very "marketable" as a general rule.

I wish you much success in finding "the one" for you. When you do, let me know if he has a brother. ;)

Message edited by author 2005-11-13 09:00:47.
 11/13/2005 09:36:30 AM · #37
I don't think age & circumstance is a barrier - to meet people/make friends or if you want a date. On line dating very cool, and fun, however one does have to provide some time for it, and it is not the only way to meet people. For on line dating - take your time - decide on what your goals are, your expectations, and make it clear who you are in your profiles on match.com or adultfriend finder or whatever site. Put your picture on. Cruise the catalogue of potential friends and find someone you think you might like and write them a letter. If they don't write back forget about it. If they do write back start talking. It works and you can find real people that you like or maybe even love. Mostly you'll find some friends.
 11/13/2005 10:10:54 AM · #38
Originally posted by greatandsmall:
Long story short, we're coming up on our 2 year wedding anniversary and haven't looked back since. We both lived virtually parallel lives and would not have worked out had we met before we matured and mellowed.


Similar story here. I had been divorced for three years, and thought of online dating with a scarcastic snarl anytime someone brought it up.
I joined Match.com so that I could tell my ex (Who went through a "I need you back" phase every time he broke up with a girlfriend that he had met on Match.com) I was involved with someone. I was happy just doing my own thing, being mom and not dating at all. I wanted to understand what he was finding there that was scaring him back to my doorstep every three months. I hid my profile after a day when 20 or so people out of Boston contacted me with all sorts of interesting proposals that definately livened up my terror factor of the public for a little while.

And then a week later my current husband, who had been goofing off on the internet - got up the courage to email me and I got a note out of nowhere late on a Friday night.

The rest is pure history. We married in July on a mountain top in Alaska surrounded by wild marmots. Me, who swore I would never ever ever marry again - who thought my eccentric personality was just so much better suited to being by myself.

I married my ex husband right out of highschool, and figured that I had just been a stupid kid then who didnt know myself enough to know what a marriage entailed. I never thought there was anyone out there who was going to get my warped sense of humor, my baffling creative impulses, or understand the scars on my soul from a surprisingly dark past. *I* did, and if I can meet that person, ANYBODY can. LOL

My advice is just keep your heart open. If online dating isnt your thing, than just have fun living. If hes out there, it will happen wether your looking or not. :) I know *I* wasnt expecting it at all when it did.

The internet just pushed fate into line, we had parallel lives - and so many almost chance encounters it was amazing. Friends who knew eachother, our mothers went to school together but had lost touch... the time right now was right for us to meet. We have a *lot* of little kids who really needed the time to grow up together, we had careers that were ready to go in new directions when we met, I was ready to leave the small town I had lived in for 15 years...

When the time is right you will meet him, otherwise for now - just LIVE. You dont need to date to find happiness. When you find the beauty in yourself it radiates from you like a happy secret that people want to search for.

good luck all of you. Keep your hearts light. :)
 11/13/2005 10:33:22 AM · #39
Jennifer,
That's a cool story. I'm glad to know I'm not an anomaly, after all.

Gayle,
The main prerequesite for me was that the person I found would be astrologically compatible. I'm not talking about that horoscope junk. But you should check out a couple of great books by Linda Goodman (if you haven't already): "Linda Goodman's Sun Signs" and "Linda Goodman's Love Signs". Astrology is more complicated than sun signs, but they give you a good general personality profile. I have seen these books make astonished believers out of many skeptics.

I was very suprised to find that almost all of my "intense" relationships were with fellow fire signs, including my three "best" friends, the two guys who really broke my heart, one abusive guy who held me emotionally hostage for two years, and now my wonderful husband. You have to be careful, though. Just because your signs are compatible doesn't mean the other person is sane. Having a chart analyzed by a professional astrologer is much more accurate.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

P.S. I recently saw a study that showed that people who were set-up by friends or talked before meeting (via telephone or internet) had a much improved long-term success rate. The premise being that you got to know each other before the hormones took over.

Message edited by author 2005-11-13 10:38:33.
 11/13/2005 10:45:13 AM · #40
high school's where all the chicks are at.
11/13/2005 10:55:15 AM · #41
Originally posted by hsteg:
high school's where all the chicks are at.


I also saw a study that showed high school sweethearts to have the best long-term success rate of all relationships. So get 'em while you can. After you graduate you have an increased chance of being pegged a pervert;)
 11/13/2005 10:57:20 AM · #42
I probably won't be much help here...but looking back this is where I'm at.

I was married, then divorced. I raised my daughter by myself for 12 years. Along that road I met my current husband, who mind you is not the problem. We married about a year after we met, and then it when life became hard again. I was so used to living life my way and raising my daughter how I wished. Now there was this other person involved. If I had it all to do over again, I would have not remarried. The problem for me was not the dating scene - as I could usually find some way to make even a freak turn out to be a fun date for just one evening. The problem is 7 years after dating/marrying a really nice guy, and missing my life of independence and freedom, keeping my house the way I want, folding clothes the way I want, cooking whatever I want, and the list goes on. I would just rather be in the dating scene aganin than in the married one.

My point in all this - have fun dating the freaks, the geeks, and the rare Mr. wonderful - but don't get pulled back into being tied down the rest of your life.

11/13/2005 11:06:17 AM · #43
This thread has such beautiful and real stories.

Roxanne, funny you mentioned zodiac compatibility. Totally agree except that if you really hit it off with someone, you don't even need to check for compatibility. Hard to explain but here's my example. Had gotten over a bad break-up that took more or less 3 years to get over. Then, got to know my husband from work. I remember the first dinner we had together, part of the plan to join some other colleagues later in the night. So not a date at all (I wasn't even looking as I was casually dating a nice guy). As it turned out, dinner took 4 hours and it was no fault of the service. We just loved talking. This continued even after when we were both travelling so much on both sides for work. We'd still talk almost every night for at least a couple of hours. the sex really came much later. Couple of months later, I check out our zodiac signs (Chinese and Western) and it completely blew me away. We couldn't have asked for a better match on both!

So yes, talking and really being on the same wavelength is important. Sharing the same values is part of that. And for us that made up for not sharing the same interests all the time. (I lean towards the arts and he, the sciences). To cut the story short, 12000 Kms after and 5 years 6 months of marriage has not changed that love spending time talking with each other. It didn't matter he came from a totally different background and culture, even the way we used and understood English is different ..:)

11/13/2005 11:13:06 AM · #44
I think that people in general rush to get married , You need to really know a person before you even think of marrage .With the devorse rates these days the only one's making out are the lawyers, people need to relax and take you time . When a woman or a man says marry me or I'll move on , You need to move on . There should be a law, No one should get married till 30. Make your money and have fun . But thats my opinion.
 11/13/2005 11:58:11 AM · #45
I kind of agree with that last statement. My wife and I both waited to get married until we were 30. I think one of the benefits of this is a greater deal of maturity and financial stability.

But I think one overlooked aspect of relationships is a simple one: it's in the nature of most people to want to try new things. How long after you bought your last camera was it until you were drooling over another model? How many video game players have been faithfully playing the same game for 15 years? Over time, people change, their moods change, their needs change. If you marry someone to "fill the void" in your life or because "they complete you", what happens when 10 years down the road you have a different void in your life and your partner is unable to fill it? Is it his/her fault? Do you divorce and start anew?

I rather think that the criteria for marriage should be based more on core beliefs (God, and all that heavy stuff) and less on common interests. If you're bound by the fundamental stuff, the rest is trivial. My wife listens to classical music and I listen to Opeth. Who cares? My wife has very few hobbies and I have so many I lose track (and none of hers and mine match). Once again, who cares? Not us. Our marriage is not based on mutual interests - those are subject to change. Find someone you can have fun with but just as importantly, find someone you can still be with when you're both bored. Don't look for someone to complete you. Make sure you feel complete already - otherwise your partner will end up being a bandaid.
 11/14/2005 06:32:29 PM · #46
Originally posted by gayle43103:


You are soooo right....all the nice ones are married!!


I'm not ;P Just a little disturbed sometimes ;D

11/14/2005 07:05:17 PM · #47
uh oh.. is DPC going to have to put a 'dating feature' on the site now? lol

dpc = dating photographer chat

11/14/2005 07:07:07 PM · #48
oh.. and I'm not married.. yet...

but this lady gives me something to look forward to each day.

11/14/2005 07:08:50 PM · #49
Can all you folks that met your matches on match.com and the like please post the original letters you sent or had sent to you. Come on, I know you still have them sitting around! It would be great to use them as reference if I ever decide to go the online dating route. :)
 11/14/2005 07:22:30 PM · #50
Shecoya--I loved what you had to say.

Shutterpug--I totally hear and understand what you're saying.

Gayle--Best of luck on the dating scene.
Pages:  
Current Server Time: 06/24/2025 09:38:43 AM

Please log in or register to post to the forums.


Home - Challenges - Community - League - Photos - Cameras - Lenses - Learn - Help - Terms of Use - Privacy - Top ^
DPChallenge, and website content and design, Copyright © 2001-2025 Challenging Technologies, LLC.
All digital photo copyrights belong to the photographers and may not be used without permission.
Current Server Time: 06/24/2025 09:38:43 AM EDT.