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01/10/2005 10:49:47 PM · #1 |
I've been in the advertising business as an artist for my entire adult life, and just about as long, I've had bouts of depression. I spent a bunch of years on the couch and gotten a few things straightened out, but I still get pretty blue sometimes, although not anywhere near as bad as it was.
When I was younger, I'd write, paint, play guitar, and take photos as some kind of way to help withstand the discomfort -- it's like I was trying to punch a hole in something and let the bad feelings drain out like some kind of infection. There was a lot of energy and vitality and rage and impact in some of the work I did.
It seems lately like I'm creatively paralyzed -- that burning drive is missing. Things have changed a lot: I'm not dancing on the brink any more, and in fact, I'd even go so far as to say I'm generally pretty happy, and I'd never want to go back. My work, however, has taken a dive! The snap and sneer and snarl is gone. I might even say it's verging on bland and generic. It really concerns me because I'm a creative professional, and I'm watching my edge, my best tool, drift away from me, never mind that I haven't done any good personal works in a couple of years.
What do you do with your depression? If you've been working on recovering, how are you feeling about your creativity? Is this just a part of hitting a certain age? What do you do to stay engaged? I'm feeling kind of lost and I'd like to hear about your own experiences, particularly from the "I can't remember the last time I was carded for beer or cigarettes" crowd. |
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01/10/2005 10:54:53 PM · #2 |
Ahhh, the artist's dilemma. I don't think that it's a necessity to "suffer for your art", but it does seem that great art does seem to rise from personal adversity, whether inflicted by one's own mental state, or by external factors.
I have bouts of mild depression, and for me it does not lead to increased creativity. Quite the opposite. I find that when I'm at a "low point" I don't feel like being creative, whereas at a high point, it comes easily. I guess it's different for all of us.
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01/10/2005 10:59:42 PM · #3 |
When I'm depressed my imagery gets bleak, but I write more poetry. When I'm happy I rarely write. I don't get very depressed, though; certainly not clinically so.
Robt.
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01/10/2005 11:03:18 PM · #4 |
Skip the drugs. Nothing can drown a muse faster then a little Prozac. I do believe in the muse thing, whether it is in the form of the mythological, God talking to your subconscious, or something from deep within. When I lose mine I go looking. She is never far away, though sometimes it takes weeks to find her. Sometimes I just take a sevral month break from my creative side and call it healthy. Other times I go to galleries, to museums, read a book, watch a movie with a critical eye for composition, come here to DP, or just go drinking with a few of my creative friends. Travel often helps, because it lets me see things with a new eye.
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01/10/2005 11:04:16 PM · #5 |
Do you think that anger is the only emotion that makes for great, or creative, art?
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01/10/2005 11:12:37 PM · #6 |
I have known the depths of dispair for quite some time. A conscious, radical change in my life brought about living again.... and photography. I still get my off days when I sit at home yet missing home. And then I become most creative. Strange but true. When life becomes too much for me, even a little, I grab my camara and start "playing", my focus so intense that the darkness becomes less scary, less frightening. And the results as a rule, much better and honest. I also write my poetry and novels when I'm not okay.... Does that mean I suffer from my art or for my art? Who knows, who cares. the 'self' portrait I entered in New Year Resolution is a typical example of an honest picture, seeing the frail, natural light seeping through the closed window and 'seeing' my picture.
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01/10/2005 11:17:53 PM · #7 |
For me i find that when i am down and depressed i dont have any creativeness. My best time for being creative is when i am actually coming out of it. I do alot of paintings (more than photos) and all my paintings have the same sort of feeling. They are full of colour but they all symbolise the feeling of being alone and quiet. There always seems to be the same theme. I dont do it consciously, i dont even know what i am painting till it is finished. I also know that i play the same music whenever i paint (Moby). Does anyone else have certain music they listen to to paint, sculpt, photograph etc... I think alot can be said of the state of mind you are in when you are depressed and being creative. It certainly helps to understand your inner being. It is great therapy.
Lisa
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01/10/2005 11:19:01 PM · #8 |
Ah ha. I've been severly depressed for the last three years and for the last 10 years mildly depressed. I recently went to a doctor to help me because I just couldn't function any more. I woke up one day and decided I wouldn't go to work anymore. It was bad. Well anyway. I am on drugs now and it's like a miracle. I haven't felt this alive for a long time. Maybe not in my whole life. I find that I like mixing with people and talking and all the things that a normal person does everyday. I haven't taken many pictures but that's ok because I'm having so much fun and the pictures I have taken sorta reflect that attitude. It's like I'm a new me and I have so much to catch up on. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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01/10/2005 11:20:51 PM · #9 |
Good on you for seeing your dr pat. I think there is alot of stigma regarding depression and mental illness. It is a long road but one worth travelling. Keep going, you will feel better with each day.
Lisa |
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01/10/2005 11:28:21 PM · #10 |
I seem to get depressed a good bit. Sometimes when I'm depressed I don't even want to talk to my girlfriend (who I've been with for 3 years now) or anyone else for that matter.
When I'm depressed I like to be by myself. It used to completely consume me and it would take a while to get out of it. Since I've taken up photography, I can just go out and be by myself and take some pictures of whatever I want or nothing at all -- just getting out there though helps to clear my mind.
I wouldn't say it affects my photography any -- I don't go out and take pictures of puddles when I'm depressed or anything like that. I think everyone has times when they're depressed, but the best thing to do is to just completely think of something else for a while to help clear your mind -- even if it's just for a couple hours.
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01/10/2005 11:37:17 PM · #11 |
| I've been depressed since I was a child and imo, a chronic problem with depression leaves one feeling apathetic. For me, apathy does not make for creativity, but for inertia. Then again, I never learned how to be creative. Photography and art is a completely foreign language for me. |
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01/10/2005 11:39:18 PM · #12 |
Originally posted by Olyuzi:
. Then again, I never learned how to be creative. Photography and art is a completely foreign language for me. |
Is this sarcastic or can you explain further? You obviously are good with a camera.
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01/10/2005 11:40:44 PM · #13 |
| I've read that artists tend to be more prone to depression, highs and lows that is. I've been battling major depression for the past 6 years and the only thing that helps me is to try and be creative. When I don't feel anything from one outlet (for example, drawing) then I turn to another (example, jewelry making). I have a lot of stuff that I have started and haven't finished, but at least I've made it through another day. I don't know if that approach might help you, but just know you're not alone, that's the most important thing. I'm on medication and find that it helps sporadically. *shrugs* Best thing to do is talk to people who understand and will be supportive :) Good luck! |
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01/10/2005 11:49:15 PM · #14 |
| i never stop taking photos. I find that when im depressed it just makes me think all my work SUCKS! Hmmm..perhaps im always depressed. |
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01/10/2005 11:51:35 PM · #15 |
I would define my previous years as more bi-polar than anything (up until about three years ago)...I wrote/recorded a lot of songs and poetry as well as sketched a lot of stuff. But more so I just sat on the porch and yearned for somebody to drop by...I also smoked a lot of pot.
I think most of that was either spiritual or perhaps chemical which was then healed spiritually...I would cry every week about the ugliness in life...
About three years ago, my life flipped upside down (or rightside up) and I have not had more than a hint of that depression since...how has this healing affected my art? At first, it drained my creativity and for quite a while my depression was gone but so was my lust for creativity, for newness and art...
I begged God to allow me to find something in this world to fall in love with and I've been overwhelmed with hobbies, interests and passions ever since (from bmx to bonsai to cigars to a love for knowledge to an incredible wife to music and so on)...the latest and most permanent outlet for creative passion being photography.
I'm utterly happy now and have never felt more creative nor re-creative...
That's my story and it scares me to tell it so transparently...I must trust you guys!
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01/10/2005 11:55:16 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by grigrigirl:
i never stop taking photos. I find that when im depressed it just makes me think all my work SUCKS! Hmmm..perhaps im always depressed. |
same here.
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01/11/2005 12:18:53 AM · #17 |
These are a few ways I give myself first aid.
I was once told that you feel happy while you are accomplishing your goals. The happiness (about that subject) fades after your goal has been met or you're progress has stopped. Makes since to me.
Now lets say you are coasting along ok but no spark. It is possible that all your goals that were valuable have been fulfilled. It's time to create new ones that would excite you if you were making progress towards them.
Depression is a sign that a person is not achieving there goals. That someone in holding the person back, perhaps themselves. The goal does not need to be work related to effect work.
When I become aware that I've been down awhile, then I start to acknowledge everything that is good in my life. This causes a change to positive outlook. A sort of thanksgiving of what is positive in my life.
Continue the creative flow even if they are small steps.
Don't make any very important long term major decisions until you feel better.
Avoid any very negative people who make you feel depressed.
Make a list of all your personal goals no matter how silly as far back as you can remember. Don't evaluate the goals until you have completed your list. Just write them down.
Now sort out the goals which have been accomplished, which have been stopped, which were unrealistic, which ones are no longer desired and which ones are worth pursuing. Add any additional goals that start to surface.
Sort by priority. Acknowledge which goals you are giving up voluntarily because they do not have any value to you now.
So defining goals, writing down the plans, and execute plans can change the momentum. If a problem shows up define the problem, what counter-intention is confronting your progress towards the goal. Develop an alternate route or solution to handle the counter-intension.
Hope that helps.
Message edited by author 2005-01-11 00:20:00. |
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01/11/2005 12:34:40 AM · #18 |
Originally posted by deapee:
I wouldn't say it affects my photography any -- I don't go out and take pictures of puddles when I'm depressed or anything like that. |
Not making light of the subject in any way here.
Just wanted to share that scenario in a creative way:
When I am down, I have no desire to shoot, nor even mentally compose shots in what I see everyday as I normally do.
The creativity is tossed out the window and the camera really doesn't even get turned on.
BTDT.
Message edited by author 2005-01-11 01:36:59.
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01/11/2005 12:35:43 AM · #19 |
I was not being sarcastic, Kylie, and I thank you very much for the complement. For various reasons and because of my depression, and even more so my anxiety, which is related to depression, I didn't learn much of anything when I was young. I didn't read very much, didn't problem solve and didn't know how to put myself into a project, or even follow one through. I tried to hide from life and got by by the skin of my teeth, as some people would tell me, and it was true. It wasn't until much later when I moved out of my house and started to tackle life on my terms that I began to come out of this funk. I have now taken full responsiblity for myself and turned things around, though not entirely.
Imo, to be creative in anything, not just art, requires clear thinking and the willingness to relate to reality and life. When you're depressed and anxious and hide from life, then creativity is much harder to know, and when you don't want to know yourself or reality, then you're really in trouble...lol. I was lost, but I'm finding my way out now. Thanks for asking.
Originally posted by Kylie:
Originally posted by Olyuzi:
. Then again, I never learned how to be creative. Photography and art is a completely foreign language for me. |
Is this sarcastic or can you explain further? You obviously are good with a camera. |
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01/11/2005 01:27:48 AM · #20 |
| Ever since I lost my job and broke up with my girl, I started taking more pictures. I usually take more pictures when Im depressed as well as writing poetry. I dont know where I would of ended up if it was not for my hobbies. Photography always helps cope with the blues. Time is used for the good. |
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01/11/2005 01:44:57 AM · #21 |
comforting to know that most suffer from depression at some
stage, good to have a support group, like this one.
i do think there is a danger in feeling sorry for oneself, the
best way for me to break it is to get out and do something
for someone else, get active for sure!
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01/11/2005 02:18:36 AM · #22 |
Fortunately, in my own case, there isn´t depression, but my art is making me depressive.
I think depression could be a positive effect in the art, for example, some of the best songs of the history are talking about broken hearts and sad stories. Just my opinion. |
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01/11/2005 02:29:39 AM · #23 |
anyone have any motivational quotes?
here's some of my favs:-
Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
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Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln
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When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target.
George Fisher.
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Just because the sun goes down, doesn't mean it's not going to come up."
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01/11/2005 02:45:45 AM · #24 |
Depression is great for artistry. Every good artist should slip into that world once in a while.
I've come up with my best stuff at the worst times of my life.
Depression is the chicken soup for the artists soul.
Then you can just heal yourself with music..works for me. |
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01/11/2005 02:54:57 AM · #25 |
| I find that I am happiest being depressed in a non-depressive way if that makes any sense. I have never been one of those people that can just be happy for the sake of being happy. I can be happy about certain things but in general I think that if I felt happy all the time I would never really be happy plus I would conclude that I was crazy and there's nothing worse than being crazy. Actually, I don't think I've ever been depressed. I think people think I'm depressed or suffering from some other cubbyholed mental ailment and that can sometimes make me mad, happy, sad, or creative. |
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