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11/13/2006 03:07:41 AM · #351 |
These are called charting bloopers. They̢۪re excerpts taken from real charts that nurses have written about patients. My roommated was given a list of them in one of her nursing classes to show what bad documentation is. They̢۪re awesome.
The skin was moist and dry.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
The patient was alert and unresponsive.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
She is numb from her toes down.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
Rectal exam revealed a normal sized thyroid.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
The patient had rectal breathing,
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Patient left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient had a breast deduction.
Her boyfriend also apparently has vaginal warts.
Her husband is living in the nursing home next store.
The patient has difficulty swallowing pillows and has to turn her head to one side to do it.
No mobility limitations noted except for difficulty with transfers, standing, turning and ambulating (walking around, moving.)
The patient had large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient was asked to breathe, but she refused.
Patient got hit in the head and received a confusion.
Planâ€Â¦gently dehydrate.
His HCT is stable, but dropping.
Order: please feed patient only when awake.
Nursing notes in ICU chartâ€Â¦The M.D. is at bedside trying to urinate.
Nonaudible wheezing noted.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
Patient has chest pains if she lies on her side for over a year.
Healthy appearing, decrepit 69 year old female.
Patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Edit for typos as I had to type the list up since she had a handout.
Message edited by author 2006-11-13 04:35:31. |
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11/13/2006 03:24:19 AM · #352 |
Movieman, that's one of the funniest things in this forum thread.
The mind just boggles .... "Rectal exam revealed a normal sized thyroid. " |
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11/13/2006 03:28:30 AM · #353 |
LOL! those are hilarious! thanks for the laugh :)
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11/13/2006 03:34:41 AM · #354 |
| I've had a breast deduction. |
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11/13/2006 03:50:50 AM · #355 |
Originally posted by Pedro:
I've had a breast deduction. |
And I have circus sized genitalia! :) |
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11/13/2006 03:52:41 AM · #356 |
Originally posted by movieman:
Originally posted by Pedro:
I've had a breast deduction. |
And I have circus sized genitalia! :) |
*insert elephant trumpeting here* |
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11/13/2006 04:25:44 AM · #357 |
Originally posted by Pedro:
I've had a breast deduction. |
mine are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
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11/13/2006 02:07:21 PM · #358 |
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer carpooling together on their way to work one Monday morning. Suddenly the car just stops. They pull over to the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe then it'll work!?" |
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11/13/2006 10:28:44 PM · #359 |
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12/05/2006 04:08:35 PM · #360 |
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12/10/2006 11:04:34 PM · #361 |
Senior Serendipity...
An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi.
As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," St. Peter replied, "This is Heaven."
Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home was located. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.
The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"
St. Peter replied, "This is Heaven, you play for free."
Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the World laid out.
"How much to eat?" asked the old man.
"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied, with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.
St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part - you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."
With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!" |
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12/11/2006 01:54:06 PM · #362 |
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
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12/25/2006 01:43:33 PM · #363 |
Given that this is the season for celebrating commercial enterprise ...
13 Worst Marketing Slogan Translations |
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12/25/2006 02:16:46 PM · #364 |
VW markets a compact car in Africa called the Polo. In Setswana (the language of Botswana) polo is slang for penis. 'tis true.
Message edited by author 2006-12-25 14:17:12.
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12/27/2006 01:44:09 PM · #365 |
Received from: B.B.
One day a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account."
I handled the transaction and whispered back, "Have a good day."
He started to leave but changed his mind. "I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said, "but if my car knows I've deposited money, it'll break down again." With his finger to his lips he tip-toed out.
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12/27/2006 02:52:58 PM · #366 |
3 blondes walk into a cave and see a magic lamp...
All three of them rub it and a genie comes out. He says I will grant each of you one wish.
The first blonde replies, "I'm, like, totally sick of like poeple calling me stupid, so I wanna be 100 times smarter." The genie turned her into a red head.
The second blonde responds, "I'm totally, like, also tired of
being a ditz, so I wanna be like, 200 times smarter!" And the genie turned her into a brunette.
Then the third blonde responded, "Ya know? I kinda like guys hitting on me and telling me I'm super-pretty, so I wanna be 100 times stupider!!"
And she turned into a man.
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All time favorite joke! Mostly b/c I'm blonde and it turns out to not be a blonde joke for once :)
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12/27/2006 03:46:16 PM · #367 |
What happened to the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had Mittens.
....okay okay...not as funny as the chart outtakes. |
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12/29/2006 03:45:27 PM · #368 |
Received from: Lorraine:
Daunted by the task of preparing his own meals after he moved into an apartment, my son's friend dropped by his parents' house one day. He went directly to the fridge and opened the door,
He turned around with a look of disappointment. "There's no food in here," he complained, "only ingredients."
=======================
My wife shared a hospital elevator with an employee who was dressed in the traditional "whites" and whose charge was a complex-looking piece of equipment. It was all chrome with a myriad of handles, bars, valves, gauges, dials and inverted bottles.
"Gee," my wife said, "I would hate to be hooked up to that machine."
"So would I," the attendant replied. "This is a rug shampooer."
- submitted to Reader's Digest by Clinton C. Gorman
Message edited by author 2006-12-29 16:03:22. |
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01/01/2007 12:27:33 PM · #369 |
New Year's Party Follies...
It was New Year's Eve and a very rich man was having a party at his house. He had everything; money, a big house in Beverly Hills, girls, cars, planes; anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles. So there he was, hanging out with his friends all standing around and partying next to the pool.
The guy gets up on the life guard tower and calls for attention. His friends all look up as the rich, eccentric man announces, "The first person that swims across my pool will get all my money!"
No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, takes a swig of his scotch and says, "Ok...the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house!"
Still no one moves.
"OK then, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."
Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time.
"OK then, all my money, my house, all my cars, all my planes, all my property, all my stocks and bonds and investments and all the girls you can handle, everything I own."
"Splash!" Somebody was in the pool! Crocodiles are all over him, but he rolls over like Tarzan, he's all over the place, fighting and dodging. Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side. The rich guy on tower jumps down and runs over to him.
"That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done. Do you want the money now or later?"
"I don't want the money."
"Do you want the house now or later?"
"I don't want the house."
"Do you want the cars and planes now or later?"
"I don't want the cars or the planes."
"Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or later?"
"I don't want that either."
"Do you want the girls now or later?"
"I don't want the girls."
The rich guy looks at him, quite perplexed and says, "Well, what the heck do you want?!?!"
The man looked back at him intenetly and said:
"I want the jerk that pushed me in!" |
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01/02/2007 08:00:49 AM · #370 |
OMG...I can't stop laughing at that...thanks BradP. |
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01/03/2007 03:02:43 PM · #371 |
A Match Made in Heaven...
On their way to get married, a loving couple get into car accident that proves fatal. The couple is sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to finish the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter replies, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?" |
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01/03/2007 03:21:30 PM · #372 |
Australia vs. England. 5th Test. Highlights. Day Two
Funniest thing I've read in months.
You have to start from the bottom and read backwards.
You also probably have to know something about the English, Australians, Cricket and have an appreciation of toilet humour, or not like mussels.
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01/03/2007 03:49:26 PM · #373 |
| A man was killed today while stepping out of his balloon to admire it from a distance. |
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01/03/2007 04:12:38 PM · #374 |
Originally posted by Gordon:
You also probably have to know something about the English, Australians, Cricket ... |
Is a "bail" the stick balanced on top of the wicket? |
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01/03/2007 04:13:47 PM · #375 |
Originally posted by xianart:
VW markets a compact car in Africa called the Polo. In Setswana (the language of Botswana) polo is slang for penis. 'tis true. |
and Ford marketed a car called the Probe. In purple. You don't even have to go looking in other languages for what a terrible idea that was.
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