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02/07/2006 03:44:46 PM · #1 |
Subject: DAM BEAVERS
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm
County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the
outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the department's files shows that no permits have been
issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is
in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts
of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled
Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are
inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore
orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to
restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and
brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work
shall be completed no later than January 31, 2005.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity
on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement
action.
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in
this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have
any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price, District Representative
Land and Water Management Division
(Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries.)
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
This is the response . . .
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to
respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088
Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of
constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project,
I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use
of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could
ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam
ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of
dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
against my Spring Pond Beavers? or (2) do you require all beavers
throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not
discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of
Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301,
Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is: aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation,
so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The
Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a
natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In
other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than
harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the stream
"restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers
but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any
attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live
and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the
natural resources (beavers) and the environment (beavers' dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them
then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are
actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting
the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to
investigate the beaver dam, watch your step as the bears are not careful
where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your
dam office.
Thank you.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
Message edited by author 2006-02-07 15:45:30. |
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02/07/2006 03:55:09 PM · #2 |
| ROFLMAO!!! That's priceless! Well written... Hats off to you! Bravo! LOLOLOL |
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02/07/2006 03:56:20 PM · #3 |
| ROFLMAO Dude thats to funny. Post the reply if you get one. |
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02/07/2006 04:04:52 PM · #4 |
Well-done!!  |
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02/07/2006 04:07:06 PM · #5 |
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02/07/2006 04:09:52 PM · #6 |
| thats ones solid letter. im impressed. but i warn you, they're gonna be pissed at you |
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02/07/2006 04:15:39 PM · #7 |
| I never tire of seeing this old email circulation. Thank you for the smile again. :) |
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02/07/2006 04:16:17 PM · #8 |
This is a very famous joke that has made the rounds on the internet for years, as I'm sure imagineer would/will tell you.
It's hilarious, but don't expect imagineer to post a response, as there won't be one coming. He didn't write it. |
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02/07/2006 04:16:30 PM · #9 |
| Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Got ME! Good one! |
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02/07/2006 04:18:00 PM · #10 |
Awesome!
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02/07/2006 04:21:36 PM · #11 |
I don't think imagineer wrote it, he was just posting it for laughs. It's cute though.
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02/07/2006 04:47:54 PM · #12 |
Yep, this one never fails to bring a smile... Dam, it's funny :-)
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