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11/10/2005 06:59:55 PM · #1 |
Yesterday an out of control veld fire engulfed and totally destroyed the house my kids live in. They escaped without any injuries, apart from the family dog breaking her leg, but lost eveything they had.
Suppose I can argue and say they are lucky to have escaped, but I can not get past the fact that this morning they wake up in another family member's house without even having a toothbrush or clean underwear to wear. My family is traumatised and I am totally helpless. What a deep feeling of discomfort.
Suppose one can argue it is luck they are not maimed or dead. Sure I find comfort in it that it could have been worse. But how do you replace the little things that is forever lost... the childhood pictures, the original paintings, the things inherited and brought along for 4 generations, theirs and mine also lost but not included in this equation?
How does one ever recover from this? Please spare them a thought!
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11/10/2005 07:03:07 PM · #2 |
They got away without harm nor injury and that's what's important. Material wealth will be easy to replace. Love lost is another thing.
My prayers go out to you and your family.
Rikki |
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11/10/2005 07:04:19 PM · #3 |
I am so sad that you and your family is going through such a hard time. I will keep you and them in my thoughts. I know that they will come through this as I can tell from the way you expressed yourself that they have love and each other.
Message edited by author 2005-11-10 19:04:42.
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11/10/2005 07:04:27 PM · #4 |
Hey, friend - that is just terrible. It's a potent fear for many, fire, certainly for me. At this time there's not much consolation other than life itself and just hope that their memories are stronger than the material items that they've lost.
I wish them and you all the best for a speedy recovery from the trauma. |
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11/10/2005 07:05:30 PM · #5 |
One mourns over the loss of memories (baby blankets gone, photos gone, etc.) The irreplaceable.
One rejoices that one's family is safe. (There are mothers who are walking zombies because they watched their children melt in fires.)
Then pursue with insurance the replacement of the replaceables. (And even if they rented and had no insurance, if this was a controlled fire. I am sure that some agency has to have responsibility and insurance. So sue for damages against said entity.)
You want to help? Right now, I imagine the family does not have a mind to deal with the legal. Step in and handle as much of the beaucracy end of things as you can.
(((HUGS))) |
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11/10/2005 07:07:01 PM · #6 |
| It's hard but you cant live in the past. There is nothing you can do now to change anything. You have to try and not dwell on the past and look to the future and building new memories. The paintings can be repainted, the family can take new snapshots, but if the people who created those paintings and snapshots were to have perished then you would have lost both. The loss you feel now will eventually fade as you and them replace the items with new things. Think of it as a new beginning. |
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11/10/2005 07:09:03 PM · #7 |
| Believe me, it would have been a gazillion times worse if there had been loss of life. |
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11/10/2005 07:12:56 PM · #8 |
thankfully no one was hurt - badly.
the feeling of loss is a tough one - been there.
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11/10/2005 07:19:27 PM · #9 |
I'm so sorry for your family's loss...living through a house fire is a huge trauma. Of course, things can be replaced and life will go on, but there's always a part of you that has difficulty getting past what happened and what was lost.
In 1983, when I was 13 years old, my family moved from a suburban area to a very rural area. We had been in our home (and I in my new school) for 5 days when the unthinkable happened...fire. By the time we noticed and were running outside, over half the home was engulfed in flames. I was the next-to-last person to escape, and the front door was ablaze as I ran out. My hair was singed on the right side of my head and my right arm. My mother came out behind me, then ducked back inside to get her purse. Thankfully she got out again before the entire door frame was blazing. The memories of seeing the house in flames, waiting for the fire department (this was before 911 and in the boonies), not being able to salvage ANYTHING but the clothing we had on...they still come up often.
We got through it, and I know your children and you will too. It's tough. I will keep you all in my thoughts and wish you all the best as you move forward.
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11/10/2005 07:24:55 PM · #10 |
Peter my friend
I can only but empathise with you emotions at the moment
Relief for the safety of your loved ones
a parent pain that you could not be there to help
frustration on the loss of those reminders of previous generations.
Try and take the view and learnings by looking to the future
Your family are all ok
you can still treasure your memories
you can selectively choose your history
and in this new halcyon mindset …..
your original homeland might play a decent game of rugby!!!!
On a serious note PM me if you want a chat…
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11/10/2005 07:25:23 PM · #11 |
I am sure if you lost one of your children the 'things' would be totally unimportant. The children are the 4 generations. They are the past and the future. You cannot do better or more than that. Things pass...but life? I have lost life and things and they do not compare. Celebrate your luck....
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11/10/2005 07:27:23 PM · #12 |
One of my best friends and her family survived something very similar.
Its not a matter of how you survive, you just DO. Things fall into place, and they always think of "oh, I had that but I lost it in the fire...." with a pang. But you survive and you go on and someday they will look back and be surprised at how much stronger they were then they thought they could be. :)
Lots of thoughts and love to you. I had that family living with me once, and my heart is with you and them right now.....
Jenn |
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11/10/2005 07:27:39 PM · #13 |
| They will recover! I know exactly what they are going through as my house was completely destroyed by fire in 1994. I too lost everything. Like you mentioned, photos and family treasures were the worst losses. But they are alive, so am I, and although the first days and weeks will be very hard emotionally, they will rebuild and make new memories. |
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11/10/2005 07:32:04 PM · #14 |
Gibun, I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. This is a very difficult time that I'm sure you can pull through together, as a family, with the close bonds you obviously have. It's ok to feel sad and angry and everything else that you may be feeling. But as difficult as it may sound, try to remind yourself that time will help with the healing. Just reminding yourself of this may help to ground you. You may not feel this way now, but it will all be ok in time.
Also please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
-Liz
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11/10/2005 07:36:30 PM · #15 |
Gibun, you and your family are in my thoughts and I will be wishing you and them all good things in dealing with this tragedy.
If there's anything us here at DPC can do...let us know. |
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11/10/2005 07:38:31 PM · #16 |
| Gibun, my thoughts are with you as well. Your kids are alive and they can rebuild. But they will need your comfort and support for a long time. Be strong for them! |
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11/10/2005 08:42:54 PM · #17 |
Gibun,
I am so sorry to hear of this. I am glad all the family members are ok.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
As far as losing all the photos goes, when you've got some time, why not try contacting distant relatives, old friends, and the like to see if they have any photos they would give to you to keep or copy? You might not be able to replace all of them, but it's worth a shot.
Sara |
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11/10/2005 10:47:23 PM · #18 |
Peter,
I feel very sad for you and your family, I know this is very hard. But still, as everyone has pointed out, thank God there were no deaths, and cherish the memories.
Robt. |
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11/10/2005 11:20:03 PM · #19 |
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11/10/2005 11:40:07 PM · #20 |
I am so sorry to hear about the fire. Fire is so scary, but thank God their lives were spared, including the dog. I know it's so hard to lose these "things", but life goes on & we create new ones, new memories. Also, over time, some things may be recovered. Is there a friend who was given a photo? Maybe you can scan it & copy it.........I know this is hard, I myself am a genealogist & I spend endless hours "digging" up the past & trying to preserve it.......
My grandmother had lost all of her belongings in 2 house fires. Whatever the first didn't get, the second did. Photos, military records, etc. She didn't have a picture of my grandfather(long desceased) until I found a family member who gave me the one they had & I retouched & copied it for her. Even long before that...when she was a child she was tragicaly orphaned & grew up in an orphanage with her sister. The reason I tell you this story is that she taught me so much. After all the losses she went through, she always had a smile on her face, & looked positive towards each new day. I remember this when things happen in my life that I've no control over. Sometimes things seem so bad & overwhelming, but you have to remember to be thankful for the life that is here. When we arew all gone, these physical things will mean nothing, it's what we hold in our hearts that count the most.
My prayers are with you & your family..... |
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11/10/2005 11:51:49 PM · #21 |
| When I hear news like this I really don't know what to say. It hurts me a great deal even being so far separated from the actual event. I feel like all I have to offer are some miniscule words of comfort. If I was a religious man I would pray but as it is all I can do is hope, hope that your family finds some good in this situation as many do from traumatic events; perhaps, looking back in times to come, they will see this event as a further strengthening of their vitality and bonds with one another and a point of conversation to momentarily stun unsuspecting dinner guests in their new home. |
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11/11/2005 12:05:10 AM · #22 |
| Ok they are safe. I would gladly lose every thing I own/have to keep my wife and child safe. It may be tough but life is the most precious thing, I hope all continues to go well for you and your family. So far despite the loss of property sounds like things are well. I say revel in the time you have with your family |
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11/11/2005 12:22:01 AM · #23 |
My son and his wife dealt with a house fire earlier this year. While they had a best case scenario - their most precious belongings were salvageable. But their marriage was not . . . . . .
While it is hard to lose photos, family heirlooms, happy memories of the house itself and things that occurred there, in times like these it is very important to look for the things that turned out better than they could have - the little blessings. In this case, no loss of life - and I'm sure there are other things that will happen - friends that bring special help and support, the community that rallies around you and provides necessary items - clothes, furniture, etc.
I will be praying that God will send you some special blessings right now!
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11/11/2005 03:29:50 AM · #24 |
To all of you in this big cyber family of mine, thanks. Thanks for the words of wisdom and comfort. Amazing how much verbalizing one's fears and discomforts actually helps. More amazing how many of us had to suffer in our lives!
I will call them from Korea (to South Africa) again in the next few hours and then report back to you. Thanks so much for this support, this I say with tears in my eyes, tears of one grateful for people like you. |
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11/11/2005 03:30:50 AM · #25 |
Hang in there, friend. And send money if you can :-)
R. |
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