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DPChallenge Forums >> Rant >> Facing Reality
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Showing posts 1 - 11 of 11, (reverse)
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 10/22/2005 02:36:48 PM · #1
It's time to face reality. As much as I would like to spend time with my kids, be there for them it's over. It's time to go back to a real job, in the real world. It's going to be interesting to say the least. As far as the photography goes, I'm not going to rush it, I could but it would probably end up like everything else I do that I rush. Left to waste after a couple of months because there is no support here, in this house where it really counts. As much as you all support and help me it's no good when it comes to my day to day reality. If Terry and the girls aren't helping and supporting the idea then it won't fly.

I won't let the photography dream die, I will continue to work on the business plan, continue to take pictures to add to my portfolio but I won't put myself further in the hole making it come true. I have over $3000 available on credit cards I could use for this but where will that leave me in the end?

Right back where I started before, deeper in debt, no real support here where it counts and even more miserable than I am now as I sit here crying knowing I have to let yet another dream go this time because I know it's time I grew up, faced reality and acted like an adult.

I didn't want this house, never have wanted my own home because of the responsibility, this is Terry's dream and right now it's in danger of falling apart. I face a winter of rising heat costs, unfinished windows, torn up walls and a husband who in incapable of fixing any of it, despite what he promised me when we bought the place. I face a future I don't want but have no choice but to accept. I face reality and it sucks.

And part of the reality is the large dogs and all the cats will go. I will keep Juniper and Lolli because they are very inexpensive to keep but all the others are going to find new homes. I just can't justify this anymore.

But in all reality, you all have been wonderfully supportive, helpful, honest and the best friends I could ask for. To bad you all don't live closer so you could come over and put in my new front door that has been sitting in my living room for 8 months. LOL!

So, keep me in your thoughts and prayers if you believe in that sort of thing and hope I get a job that will work with my schedule so I don't have to pay daycare for James and give up what I do have so far.

Wish me luck when I tell all this Terry that he doesn't go into another tailspin of depression and get even less done then he does now.

Deannda
So tempted to just pack up my kids and hit the road, soooooooooooooo tempted
10/22/2005 02:46:33 PM · #2
I understand...I empathize...and I wish you the best. I also suggest that you find out how to install that front door yourself, and then do it. You are smart, capable, and when you see what you can accomplish (not to mention when Terry sees it too) you'll feel better about the situation.

I know what it's like to feel unsupported and overwhelmed. Life handed me lemons and I'll be damned if I'm not learning to make lemonade now. ;) You can do it too. Just have confidence and DON'T GIVE UP no matter what.
10/22/2005 02:51:05 PM · #3
I'm not really terribly good at motivational speaking, so all I can say is 'Just hang in there'. We've got horrendous mortgage payments to make and enormous bills to try to ignore, which means I have to accept the offer of working any overtime, which means that I am often working weekends on jobs that everyone else has turned down and missing out on seeing my daughter. The way that I deal with any of the impending depression is just to ignore it- if the worst happens, then it happens. There's no profit to be gained in worrying about it. Spend time with your family, enjoying their company.
 10/22/2005 02:54:06 PM · #4
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
 10/22/2005 07:51:18 PM · #5
Well, first I went to my SIL's house and cried and talked and cried and talked and got most of it out of my system. Then she followed me home and took my kids so I could sit down with Terry and figure this out.

We took all the bills, looked at what we put out, what we take in and come up short about $35 a month on just the set, month to month bills. That is the cc, mortgage, utilities, car payments and insurance. Add in the gas and groceries and pet supplies and we are running in the red even further. Soooooooooo, I have put in an application at a couple of places already today, going to really PUMP up the volumne on the photography. Tomorrow will be spent printing out pictures, putting together a flyer and getting some new shots.

We are going to find new homes for the two large dogs, hold off on the cats because two require some medical attention (allergies, nothing serious) and two are pure black and I won't even think about finding them homes until after Halloween. If I had been able to keep the two jobs at the barn we would be a lot closer to where we need to be but what's past is past and what's future is future.

Also, I told him that the living room WILL get finished, one way or another first so at least when someone walks into my home they don't say, "EWWWWW!" like I do.

Thanks for listening and help me pick out three of my best shot to print up to take around to different places, my best three animals shots.

Deannda
10/22/2005 09:42:02 PM · #6
Just told the girls about the plan to get it back on track. They didn't take it to well.

Deannda
 10/22/2005 09:46:11 PM · #7
I'm going to give you the simplest advice I can, knowing you and being able to read the type of person you are. Go out tomorrow and find the book Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. Softcover will only set you back $6. Read it - when you're done, absorb it for a week or so, then see how you feel. It's quite liberating to know the stuff that's in there.

Also - it's your life too. You're still there - with them - that's important to remember. You don't HAVE to be. They need to get that - you are there because you desire to be. There's ALWAYS a choice.

M
 10/22/2005 10:09:49 PM · #8
Originally posted by mavrik:
I'm going to give you the simplest advice I can, knowing you and being able to read the type of person you are. Go out tomorrow and find the book Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. Softcover will only set you back $6. Read it - when you're done, absorb it for a week or so, then see how you feel. It's quite liberating to know the stuff that's in there.

Also - it's your life too. You're still there - with them - that's important to remember. You don't HAVE to be. They need to get that - you are there because you desire to be. There's ALWAYS a choice.

M


it's funny you said that, about me being here with them. They just went upstairs and started fighting because they are both hurting so they start taking it out on each other. I went right up and let them have it with both barrels. Letting them know it was about choice, do I pay the power or feed the dog? Do I feed them or do I feed the dog? Do I stay here or do I say, "Screw you, I'm gone?" because if they kept fighting and tearing the family apart I was leaving as well. Why bother trying if they weren't going to? We have to pull together and work together, now more than ever, it's a choice we make and we have to stick with it. My choice is to stay and fight for this family and for them. I think I got through to them.

And why on earth would I spend $6 on a book when I can go to the library and get it for 30 days for free? :)

Deannda
You just keep watching for the good deals on that other site for me, I might have someone who will spring for it
 10/22/2005 10:14:35 PM · #9
Originally posted by Neuferland:
And why on earth would I spend $6 on a book when I can go to the library and get it for 30 days for free? :)

You just keep watching for the good deals on that other site for me, I might have someone who will spring for it


1) Good idea - I don't use the library ever. Sucks to be me. But get the book.
2) I'm ALWAYS on FM buy/sell. Tell me what you want, when, and/or how much $ you can spend on it. I am a MASTER of the Canon deal now. I can find excellent prices on anything. lol

M
 10/22/2005 11:24:39 PM · #10
Originally posted by mavrik:

1) Good idea - I don't use the library ever. Sucks to be me. But get the book.
2) I'm ALWAYS on FM buy/sell. Tell me what you want, when, and/or how much $ you can spend on it. I am a MASTER of the Canon deal now. I can find excellent prices on anything. lol

M


You will be the first one I contact when I get the money together! ;)

Deannda
I'm already registered, just lousy at reading the forums
 10/23/2005 12:45:24 PM · #11
I can't give you additional advice as you've already received great info from our fellow dpc'ers. Be strong and I wish you the best.
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