Don't You Want-a Fanta?by
JPetraliaXComment by rananculus: greetings from the critique club!
Congatulations on attempting new ground! I can see from your portfolia that you have a creative eye and are not afraid to take risks. While your self critisism is perhaps to harsh ("lame"), I think we can discuss a few ways that might strenthen your image.
I think that the comments that you received about over "Neat-imaging" are valid. I imagine that your goal is produce an irresistable beverage. To me that implies the need for crisp, clean, and refreshing. By softening the tones you work against that goal. We are left with a rather ho-hum drink that matches the rather ho-hum sky.
There are distracting technical elements that could not be cured in a basic editing challenge, but in post production (or in pre-shot planning)I would get rid of one of the horizontal lines. The currved white tables edge competes poorly with...(is that the balconeys edge?) the other strong horizontal. Alot of distortion exists between this "balconeys edge" and the horizon. I might have wiped up the mess from the root beer float experiment...the dirty table does nothing for "clean and crisp".
Compositionaly I am am set off by a couple of elements. I think what you want acheive is that the viewer wants to jump into the frame and take a sip. The tilted angle of the glass and table, with no corresponding angle with the liquid in the glass leaves me wondering when will this glass overflow, or when will this glass slide right off of the table. I'm left feeling like I better run for a towel.
Perhaps your intent was to create the effect that the beverage might just slide out of the frame and into my hand? Compositionaly, let's work on enhancing that concept. I am a big fan of strong diagonal lines, and you acheive part of this effect by your angled pesentation of the glass. But wouldn't that concept be more effective with the glasses base positioned in the lower right corner. The diagonal line would be more emphasized, the meaningless foreground would be out of frame, and you would gain the emotions of anticipation and expectation. Wouldn't that help you improve the emotive of the dreamy ice cubes blossoming into the dreamy sky?
Nice work. You get a 6 from me!!
russ
