IMHO your choice of B&W and the present image resulted in a dull image, and the flare off center has no aparent justification, maybe it would have worked better if it were dead in the center of the geometric image. No point really in leaving the rest of the screen on top and bottom, I would have cropped them out, unless you wanted to show it was a computer monitor, in which case the lack of color kills the effect. The first and most basic problem is the unclear clarity of focus.
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