Tamaje (pronounced Ta-ma-jay) is the 14 month old son of a senior student, we'll call her K. She came into the program when she was about 7 weeks pregnant last school year, and we've gotten to know her pretty well in the time since then. She is very smart and makes A's and B's every six weeks on her report card. She is also quite funny...she has a dry sense of humor a lot like my own. She is being raised by her single mother, and she has an after-school job at a local mall. Her son is the most important thing in her life, and she is a good mother.
Tamaje is very well-adjusted, happy, and is doing everything on schedule. He loves to play and run and squeal and talk. He is a little spoiled, and wants to be held a lot, but that's OK to me. ;) I think all babies should be spoiled just a little bit.
I want to share with you a story his mother wrote in Parenting Skills class last year, when asked to write an essay about how their pregnancies have changed things in their lives:
"When I first met my boyfriend, I didn’t like him. It took me many years to just talk to him. It was just two years ago when I started to realize that he really liked me. So I gave it a try at starting to like him back. What made me like him was that he wasn’t embarrassed to talk to me about the way he felt and he made me feel real comfortable. When I first started talking to him I had on pajamas (a big shirt and big pants) and my hair was all over my head. I didn’t want to talk to him while looking like that, but he says, “If I don’t like to look at you like this then why should I talk to you at all? Hopefully, I will see you like this again.” So we talked and talked and we talked some more for 3 hours straight. I had no problem, because it seemed like he really wanted to get to know me. I guess 3 hours was worth a wait because I have really enjoyed his company and having him for a boyfriend. We have had a good relationship so far. He isn’t bad on helping me with things I seem to struggle with like feelings or money. He never pressured me to have sex or just came out and asked me. He said that a relationship doesn’t have to contain sex, but it was an important part of a relationship. I decided that if he did ask me to have sex I would think about it because he didn’t want me to do it, he just thought that it would be OK to try it. I didn’t expect us to get closer by having sex, but we did. Now I see why it was an important part of a relationship. We always talked about how to protect ourselves and what would happen if we didn’t. But once we got farther along in our relationship we thought that since we trusted each other enough that we could have sex unprotected. We tried it a couple of times but I didn’t think anything happened. But I was wrong. The way I found out was very strange. My boyfriend’s sister called me and told me she had a dream that I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe her when she said it, but I guess her dream was true. So I told my momma and she went and bought me a pregnancy test and in less than 30 seconds I knew. I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to think. I was crying and I thought my momma was going to be mad, but she wasn’t. I thought I was too young. That was the only thing I worried about. Well, my momma was the first one to know, then I called and told my boyfriend’s sister that her dream was right. I didn’t get to tell my boyfriend right away, because he was in jail, but the same night of the day that I found out he called me from jail and I told him. He was so happy he started crying. He told me that he was ready to do what he had to do. I was really happy of what he thought. I could never have felt better that day. The only thing I feared was telling my best friend. I thought that she wasn’t going to want to be my friend anymore. I thought that she was going to think I was going to be a bad influence. I was all wrong. When I told her, she started crying and repeatedly told me she loved me and I was her best friend in the world. I didn’t know what to think because I didn’t expect her to act like that. My fears about becoming pregnant were very high. I didn’t think my family would approve. I thought that they would just ignore me and just let me be as I was, but they didn’t. They told me I had nothing to worry about and that I was going to be well taken care of. I didn’t really know what to expect once I got further along in pregnancy. I thought about how to eat, what to do if I had a problem, and how to deal with emotions. I just didn’t know. My relationship has definitely changed with my boyfriend. Even though I don’t see him 24/7 he is overprotective and there when I need him. He’s always been there but knows what I want now more than ever. My relationship with people didn’t change at all. They seem to take caution but it didn’t change. People still talk to me the same way, look at me the same way, and treat me the same way. My teachers still treat me the same, they just understand my problems and realize my reasons for the problems. I think the changes are fair and reasonable. The dream that I have for myself is becoming a doctor. I don’t think anything can keep me from that. Even having a child can’t hold me back from something I really want to be. I will go to college and take the time I need for me to achieve this. I know it may take a lot of progress, but it is worth it. As you should know, I am still young, and if you are listening to this story you must be in high school. I just want to say that if you are not ready for a child and you are not sure if you are in a good relationship or not then you should think about the choice of having unprotected sex or not. So if you are sure you know what you are doing then you do what you have to do, but if not just try your best. It should all work out in the end."
"he called me from jail and I told him. He was so happy he started crying. He told me that he was ready to do what he had to do."
That would be so funny if it weren't so sad.
A beautiful young boy - wide-eyed and nicely captured in the photo, Laurie.
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