I had a similar idea for this challenge but didn't do it so obviously I like your concept. However, the image seems too orange and odd. Did you have a longer exposure?
Wanted to do something very similar... but changed my mind and did something else. scored you high for the idea, and its nice sharp pic. would it have helped if you had a bit more colour to the lips?
Nice simple concept, could have been improved by some technical improvements though. There is some ghosting on the fingers, usually caused by using the flash combined with a slow enough shutter speed to take in ambient light while the subject moves.
It would look better if you used off-camera lighting - doesn't have to be a flash, just get close to whatever light source it is. That would allow you to use a smaller aperture for more DOF - there's no reason not to have the entire face in focus for a close-up concept shot like this.
I would also recommend touching up the zipper pull's chipped paint - easy enough with either a paint brush tool, a mask or selection to do localized brightness/contrast, or even clone stamp.
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