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12/09/2008 08:17:46 AM · #51 |
"Alright class we will move onto sex education" says the teacher.
The teacher then goes up to the blackboard and draws a huge penis and says "Can anyone tell me what that is?"
Dirty Johnny stands up and says:
"Yeah, I can tell you what that is. It̢۪s a penis, and you know how I know? My old man's got two of umm!"
Teacher says "Two of them, are you sure?"
Of course im sure. The little one he uses to pee, and the big one he uses to brush the babysitters teeth! |
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12/09/2008 12:36:18 PM · #52 |
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for
his two best friends Gomer and Cooter.
The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Cooter said, Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad.
You better roll him over.
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said,
'Nope, ain't Bubba.'
The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.
Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up
Roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'
Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two assholes.'
'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:
'There's Bubba with them two assholes
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12/09/2008 12:55:36 PM · #53 |
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12/09/2008 01:08:09 PM · #54 |
A pedophile and a young girl are walking through the woods, late at night. The clouds begin to thicken and cover the moon. The two wander deeper and deeper into the forest, craggly branches bending over them like clutching fingers. All is dark and it begins to storm, a heavy rain falls. Lightning cracks, and thunder shakes the earth.
The little girl's grip on the pedophile's hand tightens and she looks up at him, stammering, "I'm scared!"
The pedophile nods sympathetically. "You think you're scared. I've gotta walk outta here alone!"
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12/09/2008 01:12:17 PM · #55 |
A 70 year old couple were sitting in a diner talking about the old days when the man leans over and says,"Do you remember when we first made love?" "Yes" she replied, "In the alley near here, against the fence." Smiling he says," you want to try it again for old times sake?""Sure" says the old lady, and they leave. In the next booth, a young man overhears the whole plan and decides to see this for himself.
The old couple reach the alley and the fence and remove their clothes. The old man puts his arm around his wife he presses her back against the fence, AND ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. The young man can't believe his eyes. The old couple make violent, screaming,passionate love for nearly a half hour before they collapse to the ground. As they are getting up and dressing, the young man can't help but to walk over to them. " That was the most amazing and inspiring thing I have ever seen. How can you still do that at your age?" "Well," says the old man, " 40 years ago that fence was not electric!" |
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12/09/2008 01:38:36 PM · #56 |
My ability to disgust people at christmas parties has just been expanded tenfold!
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12/09/2008 01:48:46 PM · #57 |
What's hard and purple and makes a woman scream?
Crib death. |
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12/09/2008 02:00:46 PM · #58 |
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
My ability to disgust people at christmas parties has just been expanded tenfold! |
Apparently it didn't need to be...
I want to turn red... not pale ;P
Eh.. it is the second dead baby joke so far
What else ya got? (without the dead babies perhaps)
Edit: I did say anything goes, huh? So do keep 'em coming. I was just trying to be funny above. After reading it it just didn't sound right.
Message edited by author 2008-12-09 14:09:44. |
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12/09/2008 02:37:47 PM · #59 |
What are Vienna Sausages?
Potted meat with a hard on :) |
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12/09/2008 02:38:52 PM · #60 |
Originally posted by nickp37:
Originally posted by K10DGuy:
My ability to disgust people at christmas parties has just been expanded tenfold! |
Apparently it didn't need to be...
I want to turn red... not pale ;P
Eh.. it is the second dead baby joke so far
What else ya got? (without the dead babies perhaps)
Edit: I did say anything goes, huh? So do keep 'em coming. I was just trying to be funny above. After reading it it just didn't sound right. |
Don't worry, I got ya :) I did have something a little less gut-wrenchingly taboo, but it seems to have slipped my mind now. |
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12/10/2008 05:37:30 AM · #61 |
Little Jonny hears Moaning and groaning from his parents bedroom, when he walks in he finds his Mum bobbing up and down on top of Dad, he immediately asks "What are you doing?", Mum replies "Well Dad has put on some weight lately and I am trying to bounce it out of him.", "Okay thanks Mum" Jonny says as he leaves.
A week later Jonny hears the same noises and going to his parents bedroom he again asks "What are you doing?", "Well Jonny as I told you before Dad has put on some weight and I am trying to bounce it out of him", "Mum you're wasting your time! As soon as you go to work Aunty Jessy comes around gets on her knees and blows him back up again!" says Jonny.
Message edited by author 2008-12-10 05:38:06. |
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12/10/2008 05:42:49 AM · #62 |
Little Billy decided to turn his wagon into a fire truck, so he got some scraps and bits and fixed it all up, then he rounded up his dog and cat to pull it for him.
He harnessed the dog around the neck, and the cat around the balls. When his dad saw this he said, "wouldn't it work better if the rope were around the cat's neck?"
Little Billy said, "Probably, but then I'd lose my siren." |
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12/10/2008 05:43:26 AM · #63 |
Originally posted by BeeCee:
Little Billy decided to turn his wagon into a fire truck, so he got some scraps and bits and fixed it all up, then he rounded up his dog and cat to pull it for him.
He harnessed the dog around the neck, and the cat around the balls. When his dad saw this he said, "wouldn't it work better if the rope were around the cat's neck?"
Little Billy said, "Probably, but then I'd lose my siren." |
I was waiting for you to post that here! |
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12/10/2008 05:48:12 AM · #64 |
Originally posted by nickp37:
I was waiting for you to post that here! |
hehehe, me too xD |
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12/10/2008 05:53:19 AM · #65 |
| Hey, it took me a few seconds to cut and paste, and I figured poor togtog needed it more :) |
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12/11/2008 09:36:57 AM · #66 |
A lady walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she needed some
cyanide.
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give
you cyanide to kill your husband!
That's against the law! I'll lose my license... They'll throw both of us in
jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You can NOT
have any cyanide!"
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
having dinner in a restaurant with pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now... You didn't
tell me you had a prescription".
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12/11/2008 01:44:41 PM · #67 |
It's all a misunderstanding.
As I was checking into a hotel recently, I said to the female front desk clerk: "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "it's regular porn, you sick bastard."
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12/11/2008 08:57:30 PM · #68 |
| If I post back to back, does that mean I am disturbed? |
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12/11/2008 09:02:13 PM · #69 |
sorry..
Message edited by author 2008-12-11 21:03:08. |
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12/11/2008 09:02:55 PM · #70 |
or..
Statistics show that 9 out of every ten people involved in gang rape enjoy it. |
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12/11/2008 09:08:09 PM · #71 |
actually, how far can we go on these gags?
I got a load but some are quite offensive.
For example..
Whats the best thing about being raped by a Downs Syndrome kid?
You always get a cuddle afterwards. |
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12/11/2008 09:30:00 PM · #72 |
How do you know when you're staying
in a Redneck motel?
When you call the front desk and say,
"I gotta leak in my sink", and the
clerk replies "Go Ahead." |
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12/12/2008 04:43:37 AM · #73 |
Originally posted by Notroubles:
If I post back to back, does that mean I am disturbed? |
Um... yep. ;) |
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12/12/2008 04:43:45 AM · #74 |
| Less than 19 hours to go... I know you sick people can take it up a notch in the final stretch. No photos yet?!?! Only one funny song???? Lots of great jokes though... |
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12/12/2008 09:18:51 AM · #75 |
Here's a good one..
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives!
Some doctor on the TV said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, abutle of vocka, a pockage of Pringlies, tha mainder of a botl Prozic and Valumscriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets. Yu haf no idr who fikin gud I fel.
Peas sen dis orn to anyy yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece.
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