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01/19/2004 02:29:45 PM · #1 |
I have gone on strike as the mother of this household. I have reached my limit, the final straw has been placed on the camels back and I quit. I refuse to be a maid to these people anymore. I refuse to take their attitudes and whining anymore. I refuse to be the rug they wipe their feet on anymore.
I spent 3 hours cleaning the kitchen the other day, wiping cupboards, getting all the GARBAGE picked up, sweeping the floor, cleaning the counters, washing the appliances. I went out for a couple of hours to do some stalls and when I came back guess what I found. Someone had sprayed something (either pop or chocolate milk) all over the freezer, the fridge, the walls and the cupboards. But when asked who did this no one knew. I was slightly furious to say the least. So Terry and I cleaned it up and then I told Melissa for the 20th time to get her stuff out of the TV room and back into her room and she had 20 minutes to finish it (this after 3 days of getting after her) and did I get any support from Terry. HELL NO! I told Ellie to clean her room, you couldn't even see the floor and you have to go through her room to get to James' room. What do I get from everyone? ATTITUDE! ARGH!!!
And yes, I'm still on my Paxil but I have reached a point of dispair that I cannot retreat from it seems. This morning I go into the kitchen and what do I find on the floor? Used paper towels, right in FRONT OF THE GARBAGE CAN!!! And of course, no one knows who did it. So they both got grounded from the computer and TV for 24 hours. Ellie has a paragraph due tomorrow. The instructions are pretty specific about what they expect. When I made her re-do it because it wasn't was what expected, what do I get? Yep! Whining and attitude! And then I told her to bring me the rewrite and I would help her with the spelling corrections and puncuation. She hands me a paragraph that looks like it was written on the Titanic (that's what it's about) as it was sinking. It's a mess! So I was going to put it in word for her, let it do the corrections and she could copy it, much more neatly. She started again. So I told her forget it, turn in that paper that looked like garbage and had tons of misspelled words and get a F, I didn't care anymore and when her teacher called me to find out why I would tell exactly why. I am sick of fighting the attitudes, the whining and the disrespect that I get everytime I help them.
Melissa apologizes all the time now, it's meaningless to me. No more words, I want to see some action.
*sigh* I give up on fighting them. I take care of me and James from now on. But sadly this will not teach them anything, they don't mind living in filth and walking around garbage and a totally messy house. I'm getting desperate. I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take.
Deannda
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01/19/2004 02:34:33 PM · #2 |
It's good to rant :)
Ellie sounds like my brother, nobody can help him without getting a mouth-full of abuse in return.
I thought when I read the thread topic u were quitting DPC, just after I added you to my fav photogs list. That would have been a bummer :)
Anyway, when the house stops "cleaning itself" they'll realise that, and hopefully start giving you something back to you :)
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01/19/2004 02:38:47 PM · #3 |
All you have to do is go on strike for a few weeks and the kids magically shape up and become angels. I saw it on a Disney movie. :)
I don't have kids so can't really feel your pain there but I did spend many, many hours cleaning my kitchen yesterday as well. And somebody had let a raspberry soda explode in the freezer! (But it was me so I couldn't yell.)
Hang in there, Mom!
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01/19/2004 02:40:25 PM · #4 |
My baby daughter is due to be born in just a couple weeks. I'm so excited for her to get old enough to make that kind of mess. I can't tell you how encouraged I am.
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01/19/2004 02:42:38 PM · #5 |
Originally posted by StevePax:
My baby daughter is due to be born in just a couple weeks. I'm so excited for her to get old enough to make that kind of mess. I can't tell you how encouraged I am.
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I was told you had rather an exciting time in the chat room yesterday :P
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01/19/2004 02:45:41 PM · #6 |
Hi Deannda-
I am so glad we have a rant section here at DPC so that you could be able to get your feelings out in print. Man, it sounds like you have a handful there in New York! I teach kindergarten and I have so much respect for parents. I don't know how anyone can cope with the "job" of parenting. I put job in quotes because you get no pay, hardly any training or support, and you often have to do other jobs while being a parent! Plus, you can't fire your coworkers. :) Do you have someone nearby that you can lean on until you can get above this frustration? Someone who can lend an ear and a shoulder? It sounds like you need a vacation. The only thing I can think of that I can do is to recommend a book that has changed my teaching completely. Other staff members in our school love it, and parents for whom I have recommended it say that they have found it very useful. I know you probably have NO time to read, but if you are up to it, the book is "Setting Limits" by Robert J. McKenzie. It sounds like you already have some consequences for your children, and this book gives other ideas about consequences which are matter-of-fact and related to the unwanted behavior. It's hard to say from just reading an email, but it seems like the other members of the family need some lessons in how to be a team player. I don't know how old your kids are (I'm assuming at least one of them is a teenager), but maybe there are some Internet sites that are helpful for parents who are "on strike".
Good luck. Please email me if you need some additional help, or just someone to listen. :)
lianabond@mac.com |
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01/19/2004 02:57:30 PM · #7 |
Well folks I dont think it ever gets any better!! My wife is still chasing our 2 'children' (girl 23, boy 21) who are still at home. I was going to stick a sign up outside the house that read 'Hotel' but relented at the last minute. Still have to nag them to put any cloths that need washing in the wash basket, still nag them to take all their junk to their rooms and not leave it all over the living room...but what can you do, you love them and they love you.
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01/19/2004 02:59:36 PM · #8 |
Linda,
Thank you so much for calling. (she just called me, got my number from my website) It was so sweet and made me realize just how much we do affect each other.
I'll tell everyone else now, I have basically good kids, they are nice, polite and very few complaints when we go out or they go somewhere but it just seems the past few weeks have been so fustrating. I have been laughing the last 15-20 minutes from emails I got from a couple of other friends who say my stories are the best birth control they know of, LOL!
Thanks everyone for your concern, your interest and your help!
Deannda
The two offenders :)
Message edited by author 2004-01-19 15:00:12.
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01/19/2004 03:01:06 PM · #9 |
Originally posted by chinstrap:
Well folks I dont think it ever gets any better!! My wife is still chasing our 2 'children' (girl 23, boy 21) who are still at home. I was going to stick a sign up outside the house that read 'Hotel' but relented at the last minute. Still have to nag them to put any cloths that need washing in the wash basket, still nag them to take all their junk to their rooms and not leave it all over the living room...but what can you do, you love them and they love you. |
ooooooooooooooo, don't get me started on laundry! My problem is washing clothes that have never been worn because they are too lazy to put them away and it's easier to throw them back in the hamper!
Deannda
With 5 people it adds up really fast :)
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01/19/2004 03:19:56 PM · #10 |
My 2 offenders!!
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01/19/2004 03:26:35 PM · #11 |
I am soooo glad I'm not the only one with lazy kids!
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01/19/2004 03:31:38 PM · #12 |
My son Samuel likes to poop up his back. Good times, good times.
He da man:
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01/19/2004 03:35:13 PM · #13 |
I had the worst house hold of anyone I've ever met to this day. I was the youngest and was constantly being smacked by my sibblings straight to the hospital. I had two insane sisters [one who was dyslexic, the other visibly anorexic] and parents who just couldnt' cope with us anymore. ANd trust me, letting them live in their own filth does nothing....I've been there, we couldn't care less about how much crap piled up or how rotten the place got. It's sad while you're living it, but it does eventually go away. You WILL be one big happy family but it will take everyone moving away and putting distance between yourselves before that blissful period comes into existence. It took me and my sisters moving across country and eventually overseas for things to get better.
Message edited by author 2004-01-19 15:36:30.
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01/19/2004 03:38:33 PM · #14 |
Originally posted by Jacko:
My son Samuel likes to poop up his back. Good times, good times. |
Why does that stop being funny after 6 months of age? sigh...
Message edited by author 2004-01-19 15:39:01. |
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01/19/2004 03:52:38 PM · #15 |
I have 2 great kids. Both teenagers, both taking advanced courses, both do their chores, are polite and care about others. They bicker now and then, but for the most part get along. No I'm not making this up!
My son's profile here
My daughter's profile here
I guess I'm a lucky dad! Wouldn't trade them for the world!
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01/19/2004 03:53:03 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by Neuferland:
I spent 3 hours cleaning the kitchen the other day, wiping cupboards, getting all the GARBAGE picked up, sweeping the floor, cleaning the counters, washing the appliances. I went out for a couple of hours to do some stalls and when I came back guess what I found. Someone had sprayed something (either pop or chocolate milk) all over the freezer, the fridge, the walls and the cupboards.
Deannda |
Hmmm,I'll give you my keys,I think that is what I'm looking for :-)
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01/19/2004 04:16:35 PM · #17 |
Off course there are benefits to them being at home,er I think. Oh Yeh, be there to cheer you up when you have had a crap day, give you hugs, you can cry together at a sad film or jump up and down when your soccer team wins.....
Message edited by author 2004-01-19 16:16:45.
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01/19/2004 04:52:39 PM · #18 |
| Don't you know the theory of raising teenagers? When they turn 13 you put them in a barrel and feed them through the bung hole. When they turn 18 you close up the hole and let them out when they are 21. Sounds like a good plan to me. |
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01/19/2004 06:20:54 PM · #19 |
| I remember once, my teenage son came home and looked in a reciently stocked frige, and proclaimed: "there's nothing to eat". He rumages more and says: "hey, what's in these little yellow boxes"? I had to scream "DON'T EAT THEM, IT'S FILM" |
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01/19/2004 07:18:49 PM · #20 |
Here's a link to the best kinda kids to have :)
Emily & Gabrial
They are really nice and quiet .. and dont cause too many problems ... gotta love them!
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01/19/2004 07:19:00 PM · #21 |
one thing that I found effective is you tell them to pic it up, if they dont tell them again, the third time you have to tell them and they dont, you pick it up, put it in a garbage bag and tell them it will be one of the following
their next birthday present, or then christmas present , which ever one is closest will work. They usually wont beleive you , but once you bag it up once, the next time you ask and they dont pick it up, just walk by it and say "oh look mommie is going shopping" go get a trash bag, wait a few minutes go back pick it up and put it in a bag and lock it away.
Come out and say your almost done with b-day shopping or what ever and you are going to have LOTS of money for a trip to the day spa just for MOM
James |
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01/19/2004 07:30:10 PM · #22 |
| My children are still locked in the dark place. I'll let them out when they're 18. |
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01/19/2004 08:08:26 PM · #23 |
| My children are grown now with families of their own (which drive them crazy, hehehe, what goes around, comes around). What you need to do is set expectations and set consequenses if the expectations are not met, such as: clean up your stuff or it will be bagged and put in storage for 1 week. Never give in and let them have it back before then! You have to be firm in your expectations. If they don't care about that week without then put their other stuff that is not cleaned up for 2 weeks on the second round (even if it is something they need for school). If they are expected to wash dishes after themselves and they don't, then pack up your good dishes, get rid of the rest, then there won't be any dishes for them to wash (or for them to eat out of either)! Remain consistent in your expectations of them. They may hate you for a while, but it pays off in the end. This could be termed as "Tough Love" which is REALLY tough to do, but trust me, it works. I'm sure your children are the most precious beings in your life, so do what you need to do to make sure they stay that way. Blessings to you. Samara |
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01/19/2004 08:13:30 PM · #24 |
Ok, now that we have that out. Step away from the computer. Everything is under control. The issue here is that you are the adult and they are the kids. Do not enable them (it's just like an acholic) to continue in this vein. Stop for a moment, go run a hot bath, add the bubbles, light some candles. Grab your current read and enjoy some seclusion for a while. Did I mention lock the bathroom door. Anyone that needs something can get it for themselves. If they need to go somewhere, let your husband take them for change. He can order out for pizza too.
Now that you're a lot more relaxed. Remember, If you don't take care of yourself, NO ONE ELSE WILL! Take time for yourself every day, relaxing, taking pictures, whatever you want. These kids have to earn their keep. You and your husband provide the food, house, car, clothes etc. They can certainly work sufficiently to contribute fairly to the household. When they are old enough for a job, they can begin paying towards keeping up the household as well. The aim here is to create INDEPENDENT, PRODUCTIVE, children.
That being said, I have to admit, it's not always easy to do what's right for them and you. I still have 3 adult daughters living at home.
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01/19/2004 09:12:09 PM · #25 |
You have beautiful daughters. Give 'em whatever they want.
Peter
(dad of 3 boys: 9, 13, 19) |
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