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07/16/2003 02:10:46 AM · #1 |
Myths About Sexuality
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago".
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really, " he said, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait."Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern redneck." Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba." |
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07/16/2003 02:14:36 AM · #2 |
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07/22/2003 04:36:02 PM · #3 |
OK, it's only Tuesday here ... my uncle sent me this:
A Jewish couple in Britain won twenty million pounds in the lottery.
They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury. They bought a
magnificent mansion in Knightsbridge and surrounded themselves with
all the material wealth imaginable. Then they decided to hire a butler.
They found the perfect butler through an agency, very proper and very
British, and brought him back to their home. The day after his arrival,
they instructed him to set up the dining room table for four, as they
were inviting the Cohens to lunch. The couple then left the house to do some shopping.
When they returned, they found the table set for eight. They asked the
butler why eight, when they had specifically instructed him to set the
table for four.
The butler replied, "The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing
the Blintzes and the Knishes." |
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07/22/2003 04:44:24 PM · #4 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
The butler replied, "The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing
the Blintzes and the Knishes." |
Not being an expert on Jewish cuisine I had to search Google to find out how funny this was! ;)
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07/22/2003 04:47:14 PM · #5 |
| Sorry, I forgot to include a glossary ... but I do think educational humor is the best after all. |
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07/22/2003 09:09:03 PM · #6 |
I hate mornings...especially showers
Message edited by author 2003-07-23 19:04:17.
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07/22/2003 09:17:43 PM · #7 |
//www.freakyanimals.com/pic.shtml?x0539.jpg
Message edited by author 2003-07-22 21:19:14. |
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07/22/2003 09:19:42 PM · #8 |
Originally posted by pitsaman:
I hate mornings...especially showers. |
Why do you get wet when you get a shower Kosta? LOL |
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07/22/2003 10:34:26 PM · #9 |
| That cat looks like Jack Nicholson. |
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07/23/2003 02:11:03 AM · #10 |
Yeah cats really do look pathetic after a bath.
Brian |
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07/23/2003 03:49:53 AM · #11 |
Originally posted by emorgan49:
That cat looks like Jack Nicholson. |
And with the same good-humored personality, too. |
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07/23/2003 03:54:53 AM · #12 |
One more?
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy admitted that this was the case.
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now let your mother explain that to you."
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07/23/2003 03:56:45 AM · #13 |
| And we just finished making our reservations, but now I have reservations ... |
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07/23/2003 06:59:14 PM · #14 |
Let's go take shover, Bob!
Message edited by author 2003-07-23 19:02:01.
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07/23/2003 07:16:40 PM · #15 |
These should keep you busy til next Wednesday ;) ...
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. The farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts - although still silent - stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing..."
: :
At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing
organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conferencing.
Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In 'Strailya, we make the
best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, mate."
Bob, CEO of Budweiser calls out next: "In the States, we brew the finest
beers of the world, and I make the king of them all - gimme a Bud."
Hans steps up next: "In Germany ve invented das beer. Give me un Becks, ze
real King of beers."
Jan, chief executive of Grolsch follows by stating that Grolsch is the
ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of head on top.
Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward: "Barman, give me a diet coke with
ice and lemon. please".
The other four stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over
their faces. Eventually Bruce asks: "Are you not going to have a Guinness,
Pat?"
Paddy replies "Well, if you pansies aren't drinkin', then neither am I".
: :
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake
up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel
all day."
--- Frank Sinatra
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"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to
spend time with his fools."
--- Ernest Hemingway
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
reading."
--- Henny Youngman
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I
think not."
--- Stephen Wright
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall
asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we
commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get
drunk and go to heaven!"
--- Brian O'Rourke
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be
happy."
--- Benjamin Franklin
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history
of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was
also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as
well with pizza."
--- Dave Barry
The views expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the management.
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07/23/2003 07:23:57 PM · #16 |
That joke made ma fall asleep....zzzzzzzzzzzz
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