| Author | Thread |
|
|
01/10/2006 01:05:56 PM · #1 |
| So my day started out crappy - computer problems at home, personnel problems at the office I was in this morning, and then the phone rings...it was my daughter who was calling from a Justice of the Peace guys house and said if I could get there quickly I could watch her get married. I am so upset over this I am just at a complete loss. I have never felt so helpless, powerless, scared for her as I do right now. |
|
|
|
01/10/2006 01:07:24 PM · #2 |
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
& prayers.... |
|
|
|
01/10/2006 01:09:12 PM · #3 |
|
|
|
01/10/2006 01:16:56 PM · #4 |
Gosh, I take it you had no inkling she was even considering getting married let alone that she'd do it so suddenly without notice, without friends and family?
I don't know which aspects are most upsetting for you - whether it's worry that she's making a mistake/ rushing into something so serious without sufficient time/ consideration or that she's invited you and other family almost as an afterthought.
Anyway, hope things work out OK for you all.
Message edited by author 2006-01-10 13:17:11.
|
|
|
|
01/10/2006 01:18:12 PM · #5 |
Don't forget your camera...
Wish I could help you, don't quite know what to say besides good luck. |
|
|
|
01/10/2006 01:19:11 PM · #6 |
Wowsers man! Was it like, totally completely a surprise? or... well, nevermind, I fear I am probably venturing into a realm of 'none of my business' :-)
I feel for ya man. When the kids are growing up, you get stressed out dealing with the territory of raising a child, thinking that you can't wait til they grow up...then they do grow up and, you end up wishing that you still had the easy problems you faced when they were kids. I remember a couple of years back when my ex called me to inform me that my (then) 16 yr old son was going to be a dad :-/ Then last year when he called me to tell me he was going to be a dad again!
Good luck man, I definitely hope that you can find a way to cope with this, I wish the best for you and your daughter.
|
|
|
|
01/10/2006 01:37:33 PM · #7 |
OK take a deep breath and think!
Your response is not surprising but your reaction to her needs to be thought about. What you say/do depends on:-
her age
your relationship with her
whether you know/like/get on with her "husband"
her mother's likely response if applicable.
If she is in her twenties and independent of you then fix a smile on your face and congratulate them both else you chance losing her. `It is her choice and you don't want to alienate her.( Excuse the pun, regarding your username!) Just be ready to pick up the pieces if necessary at a later date and if she is not talking to you then she can't run to you!
Think positively - this may be the greatest thing she has ever done and it will all work out perfectly.
Do let her know that you are disappointed not to have shared the excitement of organising the wedding but don't yell!
Try to have a quiet chat to the groom and let him know how special she is and that you are happy if she is happy.
Whatever happens take it on the chin and remember that a few michosen words at this point could affect your future relationship with your daughter, her husband and future grandchildren.
Then sit down with a bottle of scotch and get plastered!
Kids!!!!
Ignore any of this advice that you want - just me counselling again!
Good luck
Pauline
|
|
|
|
01/10/2006 01:39:01 PM · #8 |
Geesh, Chris... Hang in there! This, too, shall pass...
Robt. |
|
|
|
01/10/2006 01:41:45 PM · #9 |
I feel for you, Chris. Take it one step at a time, and good luck to you and your daughter both!
|
|
|
|
01/10/2006 01:47:11 PM · #10 |
| Geez, Chris. I don't know whether to congratulate you or send condolences. I hope it works out well either way. |
|
|
|
01/10/2006 02:28:12 PM · #11 |
Try to find the silver lining...
1. She's made an adult decision and will have to deal with the adult consequences (should they come to pass), and as such, are not your responsibilities.
2. She included you. It might have been at the last minute, but she wanted you to share this experience with her.
3. You didn't have to be out several thousand dollars (or more) for a fancy shmancy wedding and reception. ;)
Just let her know you love her, you support her (maybe not her decision, but her as a person), and you will be there for her if (or when) things go wrong...not necessarily to bail her out, but to help provide emotional support. :)
|
|
|
|
01/10/2006 02:36:26 PM · #12 |
Hi Chris. It really sucks finding out like that, but as a parent of an adult child, you have to bite your tongue, wish them luck and take a few Rolaids! I am speaking from experience! And as Riponlady's post suggests, if Scotch is your thing, come on down, I've got a 1.75l bottle we can share! :)
Henry
Message edited by author 2006-01-10 14:38:57. |
|
|
|
01/10/2006 07:14:51 PM · #13 |
About 20 years ago Scotch would have sounded pretty good and believe me Henry, you would be hard pressed to get more than one or two drinks from the bottle. Now though...not so sure. Thanks for the offer though. Besides I would never be able to drive if I did and a DWI is the last thing I want right now.
To address some of the things said:
It was totally unexpected
She has known the guy for a few years but only dated him for 3 weeks
He has a very bad rep - cannot find anyone in town who has ANYTHING positive to say about him
My own impression is something is wrong with him and I do not trust him at all
She is 21.5 almost exactly
I went so that is something...would not miss my daughters wedding under any circumstances
She called from the guys house, had no time to go home and get camera (and when I got there the sign in front was Albert K..... Photography Studio (How ironic is that?)
He is unemployed, no car, no place to live - she starts at a new job tomorrow and has been living here the past month after breaking up with last boyfriend
Holy S*@t is right!
As background:
I raised my two daughters alone from the ages of 3 mos. and 18 mos. At 14 April, the oldest, decided she wanted to meet her mother and see what it was like living with her. It took me two months to find her. April went one weekend and Dani and I did not hear from her again until about 6 months ago when she called to say she had two kids (and is not married and the father was in jail for failing to pay child support on his other 3 or 4 kids). I met my grandkids for the first time the weekend of my birthday (11/26) in '05 (I posted a pic - in profile - of my granddaughter, no shots of grandson that were not blurry.)
It was a shock but she is my daughter. No matter how I feel about him, if she is happy I can only wish her the best and love her as I have since she was born. I will be here for her when and if she needs me, just wish she thought it through more. They have no plan at all.
|
|
|
|
01/10/2006 07:57:38 PM · #14 |
At least she knew him and you did too. My daughter did the same crap. Same age. She knew the guy less than two weeks and never seen him before in her life. We (my husband and I) met him twice before and that was it before "Mom, getting married today at noon!", and I'M PREGNANT!"
The story goes on from there. Divorce, another guy, another break up, another guy, another break up....yadda yadda. Just last week she broke up with another one. They have decided to remain "friends". RIGHT. Him, my daughter, AND his new girlfriend all get together and watch movies. Ugh-huh. Ask me if I support this? Not in THIS lifetime, no. She doesn't like that. Thinks I should support her decisions. LOL...YEAH RIGHT. NOT when it was me or other family members that had to pick up the emotional pieces, pay her electric, keep her phone on and whatever else from getting together with man after man who thinks that "working for a living makes me a peon", and I quote that from the last loser. LOL....
You know, we can't control our children. We can only do our best in raising them, but they simply have to learn their own way before they will listen or learn for the most part. Don't fret about it. At some point we just have to let them learn on their own, as much as it breaks our hearts. I have learned at my age and with my life's dramas to just tune it all out like a bad radio station. LOL...
Don't take out the scotch. Take out your camera. It always calms me down! LOL...
Rose
Message edited by ursula - edited for unnecessary antagonism. |
|
|
|
01/11/2006 10:04:47 AM · #15 |
I woud just die if my daughter did this! Holy bejesus!
Sure hope everything works out for her. My personal suggestions to my daugher has been to stay single forever.
|
|
|
|
01/11/2006 11:12:33 AM · #16 |
I should NOT have read this thread.
I have two daughters - 14 and 11 - that says it all, right?
|
|
|
|
01/13/2006 01:08:31 AM · #17 |
Originally posted by Alienyst:
It was a shock but she is my daughter. No matter how I feel about him, if she is happy I can only wish her the best and love her as I have since she was born. I will be here for her when and if she needs me, just wish she thought it through more. They have no plan at all. |
Alienyst - I hardly ever read this forum, but tonight I'm glad I did. This last paragraph is the most important of everything that's been said on the subject. It's a grand statement and one the girls may well need. Good for you to keep the door open for them.
You're right. Forget the scotch. Use the camera if you need an outlet. Meanwhile, your kids know you are there for them. |
|
|
|
01/13/2006 03:49:29 AM · #18 |
Dayum, Chris - I really feel for you. I have 3 "adult" stepkids. ALL of whom have put my wife and I through the ringer more times than I can count. I could write a book. Some excellent advice already posted here. My methods have not been perfect, but I have learned from my parents mistakes and I am pretty firm in letting them know that I love them, but I also don't pretend or hide my feelings about their decisions or behavior. I just try to be nice about it and have managed to avoid the all-too-common permanent estrangement that occurs between parents and kids.
Hang in there, man, and a shot of scotch when you need it is ok, but don't underestimate the power of prayer. :) |
|
Home -
Challenges -
Community -
League -
Photos -
Cameras -
Lenses -
Learn -
Help -
Terms of Use -
Privacy -
Top ^
DPChallenge, and website content and design, Copyright © 2001-2025 Challenging Technologies, LLC.
All digital photo copyrights belong to the photographers and may not be used without permission.
Current Server Time: 08/28/2025 07:39:49 PM EDT.
