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12/06/2005 05:11:07 PM · #1 |
You know how everyone has that one "special" relative who forwards them just tons and tons of crap. Maybe you can send this to them. Try not to cry.
A touching true story: Please help little Billy Evans.
My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy.
My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body.
It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.
Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then.
Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.
Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true.
Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn ten. If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless nasty person who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death and then burn forever in hell.
What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?
Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard.
I wish I had a kitty.
I wish I could hold a kitty.
I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its poo in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.
Thank You,
Billy "Smiley" Evans
Message edited by author 2005-12-06 17:11:23. |
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12/06/2005 05:13:41 PM · #2 |
One more:
This letter has been sent to you to stop you from sending out chain letters. The original was written in the 3rd century A.D. by a deranged member of the Most Holy Post. That version vanished during the Spanish Inquisition (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition !!!!!!!!!). More recently, it was communicated telepathically to Shirley MacLaine by monks on the planet Mongo in the eighth dimension. Now it has been sent to you. Good things will soon be happening to you if you follow the instructions given in this letter.
This is no joke! If you do what this letter says to do, every person who owes you money will repay you. The IRS will never audit you again. Hugh Hefner will invite you to house-sit at the playboy mansion while he and the missus go on a six month vacation. Finally, you will be spotted by a head hunter and whisked off into the fast paced life of an insurance salesman in Kansas.
To get all of this good fortune, you must keep this letter for the next five years. If at any time during that time you receive a chain letter, don't send out any copies of it. Instead, you must send this anti-chain letter back to the person who sent you the chain letter (If you don't know who sent it, send a copy of this letter to a random person). At the end of five years, do the following 'de-briefing' ceremony, and you will be done:
1. Throw salt over your shoulder.
2. Throw salt over Zha Zha Gabor's shoulder.
3. Throw Zha Zha over your shoulder.
4. Walk under a ladder.
5. Do the rhumba under a ladder.
6. Pray the rosary.
7. Pray the zippity-doo-dah, zippity-ay.
8. Drink Vitameatavegimin (3 tablespoons at a time)
9. Mix 2 frogs, 3 locks of Michael Jackson's hair, 2 turtledoves, and the remains of this letter in a cauldron and boil at 375 degrees for 2 hours and 3 minutes.
10. Place the whole mixture in the microwave on saute for 6:53 and place in serving bowls, then chill.
11. Gargle, then spit.
DO NOT IGNORE THIS LETTER. If you do, nuclear war is a definite possibility. You will develop psoriasis, gout, hemmhoroids, herpes, and/or a common cold. Some day you will definitely die if you ignore this letter!!!!! Furthermore, your next-door neighbor will start a manure farm in his backyard and begin playing the bagpipe (late at night usually). You may even be forced to spend an evening with an accountant and an insurance salesman discussing their work.
A police officer from Temecula won the publisher's clearing house sweepstakes. A girl in Chicago got the letter and continued sending out chain letters anyway. She died a month later when a ream of paper fell off a truck and crushed the Fahrvervgnugen out of her Volkswagen Bug. Madonna obeyed the letter and discovered the razor. A lot of women didn't follow the letter's instructions and became mothers of Wilt Chamberlain's illegitimate children.
Don't send out those chain letters and see what happens. You will be shocked to find that none of their curses come true. The person you send this anti-chain letter to will be heartily amused, and besides, its much easier to send out one copy of this than 5 or 20 copies of some dreary chain letter.
Do note the following: All of the passengers of the Titanic received this letter. When someone on the boat started a chain letter going, they all ignored this letter and passed it along, and the result is history. Dick Grayson carried out the letter's instructions and became Robin, Batman's Boy Wonder. Both Mike Tyson and Robin Givens received this letter and threw it away. Then they got married. Clarence Thomas followed the letter's instructions. Charles Keating didn't.
In 1987, the letter was received by a young woman in California. It was very faded and barely readable. She promised herself that she would not send out any chain letters. A year later she forgot, and when she received a chain letter, she faithfully typed out the ten copies of the letter and placed them in envelopes. She developed breast cancer, and the doctors told her she would lose both breasts. While rummaging through her desk looking for a bottle of sleeping pills, she found this letter. She immediately threw away all of the copies of the chain letter she had prepared. The next day, the doctors told her they had mistaken someone else's X-ray for hers, and that she was perfectly healthy. Now she's a showgirl in Las Vegas.
Remember, send no chain letters. Do not ignore this letter.
Malookie Nookie
It Works |
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12/06/2005 05:16:35 PM · #3 |
oh my I can't believe you would post something like this at this time of year...I'm forwarding it as we speak ;p
Thanks for the laughs.
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12/06/2005 05:22:05 PM · #4 |
That was truly disgusting.....
Sent copies to BOTH my daughters!!!
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12/06/2005 05:23:56 PM · #5 |
| OK, now I'm crying. AHAHAHAHA! *sniff* |
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12/06/2005 05:30:42 PM · #6 |
| THANK you so very much, Muckpond. I hope my mother and father (divorced, probably due to some broken chain letter) both enjoy reading about poor Billy. Problem is, I think both of them forward received mails without even reading them :-) Which, come to think of it, is what I usually do when they send me those *special* mails with gigantic address lists. |
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12/06/2005 05:36:48 PM · #7 |
An addendum to the first one:
If you send this to 50 or more friends, all your wishes will come true
If you send this to 20 or more friends, good luck will come your way
One person sent this to 100 of his friends. Next day he won a jackpot.
Another did not forward it. Next day, lightning struck his house.
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12/06/2005 05:45:20 PM · #8 |
And then there's always the ones that say Bill Gates is sharing his fortune and will give you a dollar for every person you forward it to...
Or the ones that say your Hotmail account will be deleted if you don't forward the message to 50 people.
And the ones claiming that crucial system files are actually viruses and should be deleted promptly, after which you should warn everyone in your address book of the danger.
It's truly sad how many people fall for these hoaxes.
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