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11/23/2005 12:26:12 PM · #426 |
| As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound! |
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11/23/2005 03:02:42 PM · #427 |
| You're dumber than you think I think you are. |
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11/23/2005 03:14:27 PM · #428 |
| Look, mister, there's two kinds of dumb. Uh, guy that gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon, and, uh, guy who does the same thing in my living room. First one don't matter, the second one you're kinda forced to deal with. |
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11/23/2005 03:21:48 PM · #429 |
| Ha-ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line...Hahahahahah! Hahahahahah! Hahahahahah!"....Thump. |
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11/23/2005 03:25:13 PM · #430 |
| You've seen a general inspecting troops before haven't you? Just walk slow, act dumb and look stupid! |
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11/23/2005 03:25:57 PM · #431 |
Crucifixion?
Yes.
Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
[Next prisoner]
Crucifixion?
Er, no, freedom actually.
What?
Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
[laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left. |
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11/23/2005 03:40:36 PM · #432 |
We're knights of the round table,
We dance whenever we're able,
We do routines, and chorus scenes,
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot,
We eat ham, and jam, and spam a lot. |
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11/23/2005 03:54:39 PM · #433 |
Oh God, I pierced the toast!
So what? The important thing to remember is not to go to pieces when that happens. You have to react like a man, calmly. You have to say to yourself, "Albert, you pierced the toast, so what? It's not the end of your life." |
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11/23/2005 04:01:52 PM · #434 |
as for DPC....
"I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." |
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11/23/2005 04:05:34 PM · #435 |
| Your choice is simple. Join us and live in peace or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you. |
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11/23/2005 05:23:58 PM · #436 |
| I'm gonna keep the coke and the fries but I'm gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, I'll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door. |
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11/23/2005 05:28:28 PM · #437 |
"Don't use that tone with me."
-"What tone?"
"That sarcastic contemptuous tone. That means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
-"You're not a woman."
"Oh, you bastard!"
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11/23/2005 05:31:50 PM · #438 |
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11/23/2005 05:33:19 PM · #439 |
| I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday, on what we learned during the week, will now take place on Monday, before we've learned it. But, since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. |
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11/23/2005 07:18:04 PM · #440 |
Farmboy! ... Fetch me that pitcher.
As you wish. |
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11/23/2005 08:10:59 PM · #441 |
Is this made from real lemons?
Yes.
I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
Yes.
I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
Are they made from real Girl Scouts? |
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11/23/2005 09:06:52 PM · #442 |
| Just because I wear a uniform doesn't make me a girl scout. |
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11/23/2005 09:24:10 PM · #443 |
Please pass the salt.
And what do we say?
NOW. |
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11/23/2005 09:30:41 PM · #444 |
| WHEN LIFE deals you lemons....forget the lemonaid....and get some salt and tequila!! |
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11/23/2005 09:36:18 PM · #445 |
"I'm Mister Heat Miser, I'm Mr. Sun...I'm Mister Heat Blister, I'm Mister Hundred-and-One..."
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11/23/2005 09:38:28 PM · #446 |
| They do not see what lies ahead, when Sun has failed and Moon is dead. |
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11/23/2005 09:41:42 PM · #447 |
| What do you want, Mary? Do you want the moon? If you want it, I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down for you. Hey! That's a pretty good idea! I'll give you the moon, Mary. |
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11/23/2005 09:45:13 PM · #448 |
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11/23/2005 09:57:27 PM · #449 |
Now I can understond wrapping the cornmeal around the hot dog but why the heck would they shove this stick in here? I'm getting exhausted trying to cut around it.
You're supposed to hold the stick and just eat the corn dog off of it.
Oh, how futuristic. |
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11/23/2005 11:16:50 PM · #450 |
| He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose." |
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