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09/03/2005 03:36:41 PM · #1 |
For anybody who's ever worked in a convenience store, I speak for you all. Here are the things which you learn about the human race whilst wroking there.
1. Everybody is a tool.
That's it. Everyone. Not 'some people are alright, it's just the select few - everyone. Not just som... everyone. Not eve... no, EVERYONE. Even you. So to help STOp these idiots annoying us clerks, please, don't do any of the following things when shopping.
1. Do not say any of these jokes/phrases - We've heard them all before and they aren't funny.
(When dropping money) Oooh I'm throwing it at you now!
(When forgetting car keys and returning for them) 'I wouldn't have gotten far without them eh??!'
(When asked if one wants cashback) 'Nah I'll only spend it.'
(When apologies are made for the lack of notes in the change) @Ah don't worry it gets spent either way.'
(When asked what colour cigarettes, ie, strength colours) 'White with brown tips please'.
NEVER say these. EVERYBODY says them, everyone. If you continue to use these phrases, you WILL get smacked in the face*.
As of November 1st 2005 when the zero tolerance policy on such idiocy will be applied.
2. BIG RULE - One which I had to argue a THOUSAND times today alone. Here it is. THE SHOP WORKERS ARE NOT THERE OUT OF SOME LAW WHICH STATES YOUR RIGHT TO SHOP. THE SHOP ITEMS BELONG TO US. WE DO NOT HAVE TO SERVE YOU. WE DO NOT HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU. WE DO NOT HAVE TO BE NICE TO YOU. WE DO NOT HAVE TO CARE ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING. If we do so, it is only to protect us from a lawsuit. The items on sale remain OUR property until YOU buy them, we have the right to charge WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT and if you don't like it, you know where the Tesco is.
3. BIG RULE NUMBER 2 SAME AS ABOVE. Read this one carefully. Under no circumstances, and I'm deadly serious on this one, wil you ever assume again that you know jack shit about working in a convenience store. Never EVER assume that the staffs only reason to be there is to ring up your goods at the till or help you. NEVER assume that just because we aren't on till we aren't doing anything. Example one, today I was counting cigarettes for the stock take, WORST JOB EVER. Some old ass loser complains to the manager that get this, i'm 'sat there' doing 'nothing' whilst he waits in the queue. Not ONCE did he think that hey, maybe he (or she, as he thought I was from behind) was KNEELING DOWN COUNTING STOCK! And to the woamn who said 'He wouldn't last a minute in my shop' because the jackass on till asked me to go get bags for him in my own time, not telling me that a woman was waiting for them, SCREW YOU! I am a better worker than your old ass will ever be, go to hell and don't EVER assume that because I'm not serving your nagging ass that i'm not doing any work. I counted 1000 lines of stock today in 6 hours, I am the best member of staff that place has. The only reason I wouldn't last a minute in YOUR shop is because after 30 seconds I would probably have strung you up.
4. FINAL RULE
We are here to help. Have a pleasant shop.
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09/03/2005 03:40:06 PM · #2 |
Sounds like you could use a hug.
>>>>> <<<<<<
Or a big hammer!
:)
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09/03/2005 03:41:39 PM · #3 |
Originally posted by saracat:
Sounds like you could use a hug.
>>>>> <<<<<<
Or a big hammer!
:) |
A big stick would suffice.
I work my ass off for that place for minimum wage and all I get is hassle from idiots.
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09/03/2005 03:46:00 PM · #4 |
| You need to find another job... |
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09/03/2005 03:46:30 PM · #5 |
| But how do you really feel? |
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09/03/2005 03:50:21 PM · #6 |
To be honest with you, It sounds like you need a new job. You clearly aren't cut out for customer service.
"SHOP WORKERS ARE NOT THERE OUT OF SOME LAW WHICH STATES YOUR RIGHT TO SHOP. THE SHOP ITEMS BELONG TO US. WE DO NOT HAVE TO SERVE YOU. WE DO NOT HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU."
I expect your employer would beg to differ. |
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09/03/2005 03:53:51 PM · #7 |
Lol my employer agrees with me.
It's cool, I like my job. I just think it's funny how predictable people are sometimes. This rant isn't entirely serious.
Where else can you have a woman screaming at you in front of dozens of people because you don't stock a particular kind of gravy mix?
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09/03/2005 03:53:59 PM · #8 |
Sounds like you had a rough day. You have prob heard this & I'm sorry you have to listen again, but when you successfully drive off all the customers, how are your wages going to be paid?
I work in collections and here are some of the things that drive me nuts.
me:Hello, Is John there?
third party(tp): No
me: When will he be in?
tp: I don't know. I don't live here.
me, after a second to think about it: What? Are you a thief?
me, after 2 seconds to think about it: Are you visiting John?
tp: Yea.
me: Isn't it pretty boring to visit someone who isn't there?
God, could I go on. The point is, it's those people that help me earn my living so I only think about saying those things... most of the time. |
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09/03/2005 03:56:54 PM · #9 |
^ Lol yeah. People are funny.
Another basis for this, it's an extreme view of how a more short tempered person might come to feel.
The comment you quoted before is in reference to the poeople who get angry withthe shop clerk for not stocking something completely beyond their contril. and also this one guy who came in and tried to buy two huge bottles of cider one time, jokingly saying
'heh, I don't drink this stuff really, it's for the kids outside'.
'Then... i can't serve you. You disgust me'
'What?? You have to i'm over 18!! Where's your manager?'
Fact is, we don't have to serve you at the end of the day. See where that was coming from now?
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09/03/2005 04:07:09 PM · #10 |
Rankles, all though I used to work in Retail Management and would never hire you I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to 'the same old lines':
1) "Workin' hard or hardly working?"
2) When checking a large bill for counterfeits: "Hot off the presses" or "What, you don't trust me?"
3) "There's no price on this, does that mean it's free?"
4) "Do I get a senior's discount?"
There's more, thankfully I'm finally beginning to forget most of them! |
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09/03/2005 04:24:34 PM · #11 |
I used to work in an Arcade Room with video and prize dispensing games. It wasn't really retail but it was the local babysitting & janitorial service to some. You would not believe how many people would treat me as if I were really stupid just because I worked at that place. In reality I was managing the largest room in our company (and the first room to gross half a million bucks in a year) and overseeing 2 smaller ones as well as going to school (college) the last 4 years.
I had to use the "right to refuse service" at least a 1-2 times a week (usually kids beating on my games or young adults cursing in front of all the kids and drunks) and you wouldn't believe how many parents would not believe that thier "little Johnny" really did behave like that. (I only had one woman in 7 years turn to her kid and say "you lied to me". Oh...and the "freedom of speechers" I had a sign that clearly said no drinks, no cursing.....I enforced it and got yelled at for "freedom of speech" "it's a free country" and the had to implement the "right to refuse service" rule. Occasionally had to get security or cops to back me up. (even had to go to court once for it, the offender never showed up.)
Overall I really liked that job, taught me lots about managing (especially employees) repairing (I loved troubleshooting games and fixing them), auditing, customer service, business practices in general....maybe a big part of why I can be self employed now. Even with all that experience I still get impatient in lines and sometimes short with clerks. I admire those that can be nice to everyone even under duress whether imagined or real. We could all stand to be a little more gracious. |
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09/03/2005 04:42:24 PM · #12 |
I used to work at an acme store. One sunday the most busy day of the week, this old blue hair bat counted me out $87.00 in change. I kid you not. SOme things clerks have to put up with should be deemed as cruel and unusal punishment.
Travis
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09/03/2005 04:53:26 PM · #13 |
Haha guys seriously, it was meant to be e3xagerrated. i'm a great worker.
Anyway I love that free line. When something doesn't scan at the till 'it must be free then'. Or 'ooh ten pence then'. man, if only people knew how predictable they were.
I'm just pointing all this stuff out as a bit of a joke, 4 years in the business you notice these things guys. ITS A JOKE!!
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09/03/2005 04:59:11 PM · #14 |
Originally posted by mk:
But how do you really feel? |
Isn't this one of those lines he's talking about? lmao
Rankles - you got rankled, it happens. Why care, really? You're the "best he's got" right? All that means is you get to do more shit. It doesn't affect your minimum wage pay or nothing. It gives you a nice big ego to be the best at that, but then MOVEUP. :) Do something more - if you can be the best at that, it's time to be something else.
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09/03/2005 04:59:25 PM · #15 |
I took it as exaggeration, a joke, myself. But even so, just as the same sorts of images keep cropping up in challenges 'cuz they're new to the SHOOTER even if not to US, these lines are not as stale to the guy who utters them as they are to the clerk that hears them. I think of stuff like that as conversational "white noise", the little attempts at humor that keep us human. I used to own a store myself, fishing tackle, and I always chuckled for the customer's benefit no matter how many times I'd heard it before.
Robt.
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09/03/2005 05:01:08 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by mavrik:
Originally posted by mk:
But how do you really feel? |
Isn't this one of those lines he's talking about? lmao
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But I can't help it...we're all tools. |
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09/03/2005 05:01:44 PM · #17 |
lol
ALL of us, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE! ;)
M
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09/03/2005 05:02:10 PM · #18 |
| Robert, the fact that you owned a fishing tackle store is so unsurprising to me! That's a compliment...you just seem very much the type! |
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09/03/2005 05:08:59 PM · #19 |
Seeing as how the place where I work has a retail front, and we closed ten minutes ago, the lights are out and the hours of business are posted in very large print next to the door. Still, there are people on a daily basis including right this second, that walk up to the door, notice that the lights are off and the closed sign is posted, check the sign for daily hours of business, and look at their watch acknowledging that we have closed a few minutes ago.
Next, they will test the door to see if it is unlocked and then walk in with a half confused look just before opening their mouth by saying something ridiculous like, "Oh, Are you still open?" Of course we try to help them out, but in my head I am screaming, "No!, You FU#%@^$ idiot we are not open, and you knew that before your fat ass walked in here. Ef you and die." But I pleasantly help them out while I imagine what it would be like to strangle them on public display for blatent stupidity.
I need a vacation. Going on 4 years without one and scraping by week to week. See you all on Monday. |
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09/03/2005 05:16:44 PM · #20 |
You'll miss it when you've moved on--the stories fade....UNLESS!
I suggest you keep a notebook of the best stories. My husband and I made and sold handcrafted items for years--we did it all, from raw material to finished dollar earned. A good deal of that time was spent selling retail to the "public" and there are many similarities betwixt anyone who has "done" retail.
We set up our "shop" next to a talented (and successful) sign-painter for a weekend. What he made his bread and butter from was painting decorative signs on wood to hang around one's house--like, "Grandma Nelly's Kitchen" or "Home of the Bobwhites." He collected his stories in a journal and when days would get him down he could put it all there.
My favorite that he shared with us:
Father and son walk by the display and pause, considering the product.
Son (10-12 year-old child): "Daddy? Would you consider this man an 'artist'?"
Father (after brief thought): "No. And this is what will happen to you if you don't do well in school!"
[Still beats the heck out of having to hear "Here we go!" from everyone who gets on a carnival ride!] |
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09/03/2005 05:29:37 PM · #21 |
It's good that you don't work at the postal office... nyuknyuk! :)
/been there, done that (shitty jobs)
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09/03/2005 05:41:47 PM · #22 |
We were a "big game" tackle shop; marlin, tuna, swordfish, stuff like that. Our clientele were mostly yacht fishermen, money wasn't an issue for them of course; a day on the water would cost them hundreds of dollars in fuel alone, the boats worth worth three quarters of a million and up. This was in the 80's.
The one I heard so many times it got really old was appended to the purchase of a trolling lure for marlin; "If this doesn't catch anything, I can bring it back for a refund, right?"
Yah, right... Better fishermen than you go out 4 times a week all season long and bag maybe 4-6 marlin on the season, IF they're lucky.
I'll never forget the time a guy brought back a lure that had CAUGHT a marlin and tried to get it replaced because the marlin's bill had beat the crap out of it, it was useless. Say what? What did he EXPECT? He was serious too. The damned lure retailed for $19.95...
Robt.
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09/03/2005 07:15:34 PM · #23 |
I wonder if you were the inspiration for the movie CLERKS. You kind of sound like Dante.
If you have not seen this movie Rankles, I would highly reccomend it to you. It is delightful. |
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09/03/2005 08:45:42 PM · #24 |
Originally posted by krazyivan:
I wonder if you were the inspiration for the movie CLERKS. You kind of sound like Dante.
If you have not seen this movie Rankles, I would highly reccomend it to you. It is delightful. |
I love Clerks. Anyone that works in retail whould use it as a guide on how to treat customers (or at least how you'd LIKE to treat them sometimes). |
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09/03/2005 09:22:12 PM · #25 |
Sometimes the shoppers are idiots, and sometimes it's the clerks. I remember going to a convenience store to buy an adult magazine for my brother, who was going to use the centerfold as joke gift wrap for a friend. We were both over 21 years old, but my brother couldn't find his driver's license. The exchange went something like this:
I bring the magazine to the checkout counter, and the clerk examines my driver's license with a frown and declares that I'm not over 21 (or 18- whatever it was). I assured him that I was and asked him to check the license again. He shakes his head and says, "Nope, nope... sez here that you were born in '68." I replied, "Yes, and now it's 1994. That's more than 21 years." We went back and forth for a bit and I tried telling him that 68 + 20 is 88, and we're at 94. He starts to scold me, "Now see here young man... don't come in here thinking you can trick me. I used to work for the Bureau of Tobacco and Firearms, and I'll call the police on you." Having lost my patience at that point, I told him, "Wow, you went from the Bureau to a 7-11... that's some promotion. Since you obviously don't have enough fingers and toes, do you want to get a calculator or call the police and embarrass yourself further?"
Cha-ching.
Message edited by author 2005-09-03 21:25:33. |
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