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08/11/2005 04:31:18 PM · #1 |
I got this from a friend and I opened it because he (thankfully) never sends email chain stuff. This is hilarious (IMHO)
Thanks to All of You...
I must add my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rats in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I want to thank you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get! a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th. time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive! the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EDT) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician's gay boyfriend's husband-in-law!
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08/11/2005 04:49:54 PM · #2 |
| That is hysterical - thanks for making me laugh :) now let me go sent it to lots of people |
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08/11/2005 05:02:59 PM · #3 |
Damn. Now I need to find 144 000 people.
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08/11/2005 05:19:11 PM · #4 |
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08/11/2005 05:30:09 PM · #5 |
Ohhh now I have a use for that spam email list...
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08/11/2005 06:42:10 PM · #6 |
I got this years ago, sent it, and threatened to block ANYONE who sends me spam.
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****THIS IS THE WORLD'S FINAL CHAIN-LETTER.****
You have been sent a blessing. Those who have followed the instructions on this letter have received good fortune, as you will. The rewards of this letter supercede the promises of all other letters you may have received. This is the final chain-letter you will ever send. It's instructions are simple, to receive the fortune that has graced those who have received this before you follow these steps. The grace that re-creates
1. Make nine unaltered copies of this note, and send each copy to a friend or stranger within two days of receiving this. This completed, you will have received not only luck and positive karma, but you have been PERMANENTLY released from the obligation to send another chain-letter.
* The snake that eats its own tail..
2. Never heed another chain-letter. By sending this letter you have already incurred the fortune promised by all future letters you will receive. Ignore or destroy all future chain-letters that you come in contact with.
To send another chain-letter is to break the gift giving you by this. If you have already received and sent this letter, and you are receiving it again, destroy this copy.
This letter will circle the globe, freeing its recipients from the need to send future chain-letters, and, its task completed, will eventually destroy itself in the same manner.
Not sending this letter curses you with ill-fortune that is the dark mirror of the good fortune you could have received. To ignore this letter is to receive the bad luck or ill-fortune mentioned in all future chain letters you will receive.
Only those who follow the instructions above will receive the double blessing of luck and freedom from all future chain-letters.
Just as sending it blessed you with the luck of all chain letters, not sending it curses you with the misfortune.. Sending another chain letter after this one brings the same misfortune as well.
This is the world's final chain-letter.
Message edited by author 2005-08-11 18:43:25.
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08/11/2005 06:53:59 PM · #7 |
this is too funny! Now I have to email it to every imaginable email address before my own email address changes tomorrow, making sure I won't get the same email forwarded back to me 144,000 times.
- Linda |
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08/11/2005 07:12:32 PM · #8 |
| Nah, I think it's a fake. Who ever heard of a gay boyfriend's husband-in-law? ;-p |
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08/11/2005 07:24:41 PM · #9 |
| LMAO, lol, what would i do with out you guys and girls, and of course gay husband-in-law~! thank you for temporarily puting a smile on my face~! |
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