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05/26/2005 10:37:21 AM · #1 |
1:)I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
2:)Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
3:)The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
4:)There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
5:)Life is sexually transmitted.
6:)Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
7:)Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
8:)Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
9:)Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
10:)All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
11:)In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
12:)Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
13:)How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
14:)Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
15:)Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
16:)Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
17:)If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
18:)Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
19:)Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
20:)Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
21:)If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
22:)If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
23:)If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
24:)Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
25:)Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
26:)Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
27:)Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
28:)Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Please no one take offense to any of these but remember laughter is the best medicine and I just thought everyone could use a good laugh. Which one is your favorite?
Mine is #22
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05/26/2005 10:41:56 AM · #2 |
That´s just really funny... I really like it number 14
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05/26/2005 10:49:33 AM · #3 |
I like 18 and 23. And definately 5.
:)
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05/26/2005 10:51:33 AM · #4 |
That brightened up my day. Favourite: #7
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05/26/2005 11:01:25 AM · #5 |
# 3 for me as it is so very true!
i thought i would post these two as they are two of my personal favs:
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
:o)~~Cher~~
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05/26/2005 11:13:50 AM · #6 |
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05/26/2005 11:38:17 AM · #7 |
I really needed #10 just now. Thanks for the smiles!
(And 18 is due to be repeated to a co-worker sometime soon!)
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05/26/2005 11:43:24 AM · #8 |
| Thanks for the giggles! #6 and #26 got the biggest smiles from me. |
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05/26/2005 11:54:37 AM · #9 |
I love this, I love number 14. that is the first time I have lauged in a while. thanks, I knew I love this website for more than just the pictures
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05/26/2005 11:56:38 AM · #10 |
Cool! :D
Here's a little joke no.9 reminded me of....
Q. What's pinky and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff.
Q. What's blue and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff holding its breath. |
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05/26/2005 12:01:05 PM · #11 |
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05/26/2005 12:01:33 PM · #12 |
| I must be the morbid one! cuz I think 6 is the funniest! |
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05/26/2005 12:07:25 PM · #13 |
Originally posted by PollyBean:
Cool! :D
Here's a little joke no.9 reminded me of....
Q. What's pinky and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff.
Q. What's blue and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff holding its breath. |
... or When you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn? |
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05/26/2005 12:18:38 PM · #14 |
and a personal favorite even though I am male...
If a man speaks in the forest and there is no women around, is he still wrong? |
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05/26/2005 12:25:22 PM · #15 |
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05/26/2005 12:29:17 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by sabphoto:
and a personal favorite even though I am male...
If a man speaks in the forest and there is no women around, is he still wrong? |
Of course! |
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05/26/2005 12:31:23 PM · #17 |
This one, hands down:
13:)How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Coming from someone that camps often. The politics and sex one is hilarious too! :) |
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05/26/2005 12:47:22 PM · #18 |
 11, 18, 19, and 22 are insanely funny to me. I read the whole list to my secretary, classroom teacher, and a day care aide, and we were laughing so hard we were crying!! Thanks for this day brightener!
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05/26/2005 01:20:56 PM · #19 |
#14 happens to be from the best comic strip of all time: Calvin and Hobbes.
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05/26/2005 02:03:24 PM · #20 |
Got a good chuckle from #13 but I'm still scratching my head on #15???
Thanks for the laughs!!!
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05/26/2005 02:08:19 PM · #21 |
---don't read if easily offended or embarrased. ---
On #14, I wanna know if they got it right the first time or did they instantly decide they had the wrong cow(bull)? |
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11, 18, 19, and 22 are insanely funny to me. I read the whole list to my secretary, classroom teacher, and a day care aide, and we were laughing so hard we were crying!! Thanks for this day brightener!
