This link is to some horror stories that the turkey hotlines receive from those cooking their Thanksgiving birds. I thought I'd share...hehehehe. :o)
TOP TEN REASONS WHY THANKSGIVING DINNER IS BETTER THAN SEX
10. You're sure to get at least one of your favorite dishes.
9. The turkey never suffers from modesty.
8. You can nibble before dinner even if mom sees you.
7. You are expected to pass the dishes around.
6. There are always at least two kinds of dessert, with or without whipped cream.
5. They give you the day off WITH pay to have dinner.
4. Thanksgiving dinner is a "sure" thing.
3. Seconds are encouraged. Take home, too!!
2. You're expected to fall asleep after dinner.
And the number 1 reason why Thanksgiving dinner is better than sex:
1. You are EXPECTED to watch football BEFORE and AFTER dinner.
TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING, BUT AREN'T
1) Reach in and grab the giblets.
2) Whew, that's one terrific spread!
3) I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
4) Tying the legs together will keep the insides moist.
5) Talk about a huge breast!
6) "and he forced his way into the end zone..."
7) She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.
8) It's Cool Whip time!!!!
9) If I don't unbuckle my pants, I'm going to burst!
10) It must be broken, cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out!
THINGS TO DO TO LIVEN UP THANKSGIVING DINNER
1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.
3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the Turkey was past expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
PS..."You don't know anything about kitty litter, do you?"
Message edited by author 2004-11-22 14:20:10. |
