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09/15/2004 07:39:20 PM · #26 |
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09/15/2004 08:09:17 PM · #27 |
Family: yes
Friends: yes (unless its a new friend who doesnt know you all that well)
Loved One: of course lol
Strangers: No
a friend of mine used to put the power window lock on in the car while we were on the highway, and then fart silently...trapping us inside
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09/15/2004 08:15:32 PM · #28 |
Originally posted by midnightride2:
I hate it when you are in a store and someone does the surprise attack on you and you walk right into it. |
I cleared an isle at home depot once! I heard a guy say to his young daughter, "somebody's stinky." She said back "it's not me daddy." I let her take the fall for me.
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09/15/2004 08:24:16 PM · #29 |
a friend of mine used to take great delight in lighting them. for him, his wife, and his young son, it was great entertainment...
that is, until his 5-year-old took a pack of matches up to his great-grandmother and starting banging her in the knee with them, begging her to 'light a crack, granny!' |
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09/15/2004 08:39:47 PM · #30 |
I cleared an isle at home depot once! I heard a guy say to his young daughter, "somebody's stinky." She said back "it's not me daddy." I let her take the fall for me. [/quote]
Thats just to damn funny lol. |
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09/15/2004 08:50:29 PM · #31 |
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09/15/2004 08:56:30 PM · #32 |
I ate split pea soup once while I was in college and unleashed some WMD farts that caused my roomies to evacuate the entire apartment, one even got the dry heaves.
I don't eat split pea soup anymore unless I have a meeting I want cancelled or I need revenge on some pesky co-workers. They have learned to fear the power of my butt.
Message edited by author 2004-09-15 23:04:28. |
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09/15/2004 09:42:47 PM · #33 |
Thanks for the laughs. I sat here and read this thread to my husband and we were both crying.
The first time I ever farted in front of my husband was on our honeymoon. I figured it was safe to then. I thought he was going to die when I did. :) As for him he farted on our first date.
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09/15/2004 09:50:34 PM · #34 |
Originally posted by skiprow:
a friend of mine used to take great delight in lighting them. for him, his wife, and his young son, it was great entertainment...
... |
Some young nephews once told me of their, ah, flamethrowing contests. they stopped when flames came way too close to sensitive territory... |
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09/15/2004 11:05:21 PM · #35 |
Originally posted by Manic:
Here's an idea - why don't we all bottle them, and use it as a replacement fuel, thus solving the energy crisis? :o) |
In the meantime, watch out for the EPA police ... you're all spewing greenhouse gasses and contributing to global warming and are maybe even responsible for the current horrendous storm season. Or maybe it's just all the hot air coming from the other end of the politicians' GI tract ...
BTW: The "official" USDA method for de-gassing legumes is to bring to a boil for two minutes in a large quantity of water; remove from the heat and cover for at least one hour; discard the soaking water and cook normally (may take less time than usual). This technique supposedly removes about 90% of the indigestible (by humans) polysaccharides* whose digestion by colonial bacteria in the lower small intestine leads to the gas production.
You folks sound like you might have been reading this thread as well ...
==== *From Dictionary.com:
Main Entry: poly·sac·cha·ride
Function: noun
: a carbohydrate that can be decomposed by hydrolysis into two or more molecules of monosaccharides; especially : one of the more complex carbohydrates (as cellulose, starch, or glycogen) called also glycan |
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09/15/2004 11:17:33 PM · #36 |
As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival guide for taking a dump at the office.
CROP DUSTING : When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY : The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE : A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is very uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK : When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH : The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME : Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be minimized with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER : A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
SAFE HAVENS : A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper entering our bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR : Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH : A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE : A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON : A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED : A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
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09/15/2004 11:20:13 PM · #37 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Originally posted by Manic:
Here's an idea - why don't we all bottle them, and use it as a replacement fuel, thus solving the energy crisis? :o) |
In the meantime, watch out for the EPA police ... you're all spewing greenhouse gasses and contributing to global warming and are maybe even responsible for the current horrendous storm season. Or maybe it's just all the hot air coming from the other end of the politicians' GI tract ...
BTW: The "official" USDA method for de-gassing legumes is to bring to a boil for two minutes in a large quantity of water; remove from the heat and cover for at least one hour; discard the soaking water and cook normally (may take less time than usual). This technique supposedly removes about 90% of the indigestible (by humans) polysaccharides* whose digestion by colonial bacteria in the lower small intestine leads to the gas production.
You folks sound like you might have been reading this thread as well ...
==== *From Dictionary.com:
Main Entry: poly·sac·cha·ride
Function: noun
: a carbohydrate that can be decomposed by hydrolysis into two or more molecules of monosaccharides; especially : one of the more complex carbohydrates (as cellulose, starch, or glycogen) called also glycan |
Jeez, all those big vocabulary words, are you looking for bonus points?
All the talk about butt-whistling make me want to sing
Beans Beans, the magical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
So let's have beans with every meal! |
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09/15/2004 11:57:07 PM · #38 |
Originally posted by Spazmo99:
Jeez, all those big vocabulary words, are you looking for bonus points? |
Yeah ... they provide the "counterweight" to the quality of my photos : ) |
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09/16/2004 01:13:34 AM · #39 |
It is a natural body function, but then again so is having a bowel movement and would you do it in front of your friends or strangers? I pass gas, we all do, however, I think it is very bad manners to do it in front of others. If I have to let rip, I always go into the bathroom if there's company or get as far away from others as I can. Same goes for burping. For some reason kids this days seem to think burping loudly is funny and even OK. I'll be eating in the lounge at work and some will just burp their little heart out and carry on with their business without even saying "excuse me" like it was perfectly acceptable. I'm only 23 and I know my parents taught me good manners, what happene with the others???
June
Message edited by author 2004-09-16 01:18:20.
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09/16/2004 03:56:09 AM · #40 |
All I can say is that I couldn't have been happier the first time my girlfriend farted in front of me and started to laugh like crazy.
The gates of hell have been opened since! |
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09/16/2004 05:53:56 AM · #41 |
In front of friends, No.
Famils, I try not to, but you know, sometimes...
Did you hear the one of the old lady who went to the doctor & said
"Doctor, I'm constantly farting. But they are silent & don't smell so it's not realy a problem".
The doctor replys.
"Take these pills, they will fix your smell problem, I'll have to look into your ears to see what we can do about your hearing".
If you don't eat you don't fart.
If you don't fart you die! |
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09/16/2004 06:14:30 AM · #42 |
"Good manners" are an evolving behavioural set.
That said, the essence of good manners is certainly a propensity to be selfless towards others and to think of their needs. Trying not to subject people to unpleasant odours fits into that, certainly and I think all of us understand that. I will always hold doors open, give my seat up to those I feel need/ deserve it more, offer to help those looking in confusion at a map in getting to their destination etc. Those things just come naturally and I can do them without shooting myself in the foot by doing so.
That said, there is also a stronger movement today towards being assertive and not being selfless to the extent that you actually become a doormat. It's a fine line.
I think it's amusing that there still seems to be a gender distinction in terms of it being more acceptable for men to let rip in front of their partners than for women - like some throwback to the days when women were expected to ribbon their hairs, dress daintily and exist for the pleasure of the menfolk.
In all seriousness, if I'm in a situation where I can easily remove myself from the group in which I find myself in order to protect their olifactory senses I will often do so. But, ironically, in those situations where I'd most want to do so, such as a work meeting, I tend to be least likely to be able to interrupt the meeting to do so. I can get away with interrupting to ask to go to the toilet once during a meeting, though that's rude enough if it's only a half an hour meeting. I certainly couldn't use that same excuse more than once. And I certainly wouldn't want to actually inform the others of why I'd like to leave. In those situations I think it's actually better to just let it out, hope it's a silent one and focus on the meeting itself.
Anyone have any other ideas on how they'd approach that?
If I'm in a situation where I can easily remove myself without it looking very odd, especially in omre casual work situations, I will, of course do that. And with friends it's so much easier because one can simply say "hang on, just going to drop a stinker, back in a moment" and most friends will be more pleased that you've saved them than upset at the rudeness of fart talk. In our closest group of friends though, it depends on the situation. If we're in a car driving somewhere, it would be more likely that we'd warn the others to open the windows rather than ask them to stop the car. If we're sitting around drinking a lot, none of us would expect somewhat tipsy others to leave the room just to drop a fart. It all depends on how close and what the situation is and just how reasonable it would be to remove oneself from the situation to protect others.
However, if trying to remove myself in order to protect those nasal capacities would be a real pain for me (finally being near the front of a really long check out queue, wanting to buy that item and make an upcoming appointment on time, for example) I'll simply fart in situ. I'll do so as quietly and unobtrusively as possible and hope it's not one of the WMD but I'll certainly let it out.
Those who feel they would never fart infront of others, how would you handle that kind of situation.
Would you always put yourself out just to protect others from a harmless but unpleasant odour or would there be times when you admit that you wouldn't bother?
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09/16/2004 06:41:12 AM · #43 |
I was brought up to believe that farting is not polite, therefore I try to refrain as much as possible, or as you say, find an excuse to leave the room or meeting where possible. However, this is not always possible, so if one just has to come, of course you try to let it out as unobtrusively as possible, and hope noone notices. If it is a noticeable one, and I am amongst friends, then often say something like "Sorry guys, must have been the beans I ate last night" or something.
I had a good friend who was very proud of his ability to fart, and would always stick out his finger & say "Pull it" & drop one. Since then he has frequently been referred to as "Smelly Vince". The first time it was funny, but after a while it wasn't funny any more, & personally I find it a bit uncouth. I know some people have more of a problem with wind than others. I certainly go through phases. Probably diet related. But I also think refraining can be trained (to a point). That said, normally the first thing I do every morning is get up, go for a Pee & drop one. |
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09/16/2004 06:50:58 AM · #44 |
I don't remove myself to protect the others, but to protect myself. I would be deeply embarassed if I farted in front of other people (my parents are fair game though). If it as at work, I would never be able to look at my coworkers again.
June
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09/16/2004 07:53:06 AM · #45 |
Originally posted by chiqui74:
I don't remove myself to protect the others, but to protect myself. I would be deeply embarassed if I farted in front of other people (my parents are fair game though). If it as at work, I would never be able to look at my coworkers again.
June |
June I'd be curious as to how you'd handle the scenario I mentioned above? You're in a meeting and have already excused yourself once to fart in private (on the pretext of needing to go to the toilet). How exactly would you avoid farting infront of colleagues without revealing the reason for excusing yourself during a meeting?
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09/16/2004 08:21:48 AM · #46 |
Originally posted by Kavey:
Originally posted by Konador:
Family: Yes
Friends: No (Unless they do it first!) |
What about girlfriend?
:oP
And why aren't you in CHAT? |
Girlfriend? Never! :)
And I wasnt in chat cos I was just about to go to bed :P
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09/16/2004 08:22:07 AM · #47 |
Thats easy just one a one cheek sneak.
I farted in a cab once and the driver pulled over and told me to get out on the highway. I guess I was the worst fair she had gotten. lol
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09/16/2004 08:33:21 AM · #48 |
Kavey, I havent been in that exact situation but I have been in similar ones and I've just held it, and if you hold it long enough it will eventually go away.
June
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09/16/2004 09:46:57 AM · #49 |
Originally posted by chiqui74:
Kavey, I havent been in that exact situation but I have been in similar ones and I've just held it, and if you hold it long enough it will eventually go away.
June |
You're obviously lucky to have a more cooperative digestive system than I do. Trust me when I tell you that, some days, this definitely doesn't work for me at all. :o(
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09/16/2004 10:11:18 AM · #50 |
For me: whenever, wherever, infront of whomever.
Sometimes, you just can't keep it in. |
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