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10/24/2013 11:58:47 AM · #1 |
On Saturdays, Sundays and national holidays I am a wedding minister. In Japan, that pays well. Very few are willing to give up their weekends. Very few can speak the language. Very few are Christian. My regional manager has lost all my respect. 3 MAJOR issues: He called my faith 'bullshit'. I expect not everyone would believe what I do. However, in a business where you deal with people of a certain faith I do believe a certain amount of tolerance is necessary. Second...my wife was pregnant, 2 months in the doctor said "Something is not right, see us in 10 days, please take this medicine." While I prayed for the health of my baby and my wife I was realistic in believing that it was possible that she would suffer from a miscarriage. I asked my company for the day off (10 days later fell on a Saturday). I was told "This is too short a time to find someone else to replace you. Please work. Your wife will be fine. My wife had the same thing happen to her and all was fine." The next week, on that Saturday, I received a message that my wife suffered a miscarriage. I still had 6 weddings to do that day. I was filled with anger, sadness and every emotion that shouldn't be at a wedding. I still did my job. I arrived home to my wife in tears. I still went in Sunday to do weddings. My boss never called to say "I'm sorry we asked you to work, how were things?" Nothing. Almost a year to the day, I had a serious leg infection. I didn't know how serious at the time but my fever was 41.2 degrees. After getting another minister in to do my weddings, my boss came to pick me up. I said I preferred taking an ambulance but since this was more 'noticeable' it was out of the question. My boss insisted on writing my personal information on the medical sheet, something I wish I could have kept from him but due to my fever couldn't. The first question he asked was "Can he do weddings tomorrow. He's a wedding minister and has work." The doctor and 3 nurses looked at him like he was crazy. The doctor said "He's going to have to stay in bed for at least 2 weeks." The doctor later came to my room and said "We can make the IV last longer if you want, that way your boss will leave." He didn't. Even though I told him to, he stayed. I lost about 1500 dollars by not working that weekend (Long weekend). On the way home he said "I got this parking ticket, if Tokyo (Our home office) says they won't pay it, you will have to." I had no power to fight him.
Because of this and so many more little things I have lost all respect for the regional manager. On top of it all, the manager that accompanies us at the hotels/wedding resorts has been lying about my ability to conduct weddings and my attitude between weddings. This is a person who has never apologized for her mistakes or even mentioned them to her superiors. She has, instead, made up lies about my conduct and passed blame on to the choir girls for her own mistakes. On 2 occasions she was caught and disciplined by the hotel. However, her actions were her own and I (And the choir girls) decided that it was her choice not to say anything. We never 'told on her'. However, this didn't stop her from telling my regional manager from tell BS stories about our attitude...essentially attacking our reputation with the hotels/resorts.
This combination was something I've put up with for a long time. However, my own pastor, after years of say 'Come over to the company I work at' half joking and half serious, mentioned he had a tenured position at a University and was looking for someone to replace him at his current chapel. While it would be great to just 'move' I still feel like I have an obligation to the hotels and resorts who have NO IDEA what is happening between me and the company I work for.
I'm looking for advice on a smooth transition. The regional manager is in his 40's and is well aware of his actions and needs to be taught a lesson. He comes from money and doesn't really have a 'need' for this job. The manager is young and was 'thrust' into this position. I would rather she learn from her mistakes rather than be fired. I would rather she recognize that she is not perfect and makes mistakes and move on in a positive way, with or without the company...I think she can. Still, I wonder how I should quit this job, what to say, what not to say...help |
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10/24/2013 12:53:12 PM · #2 |
| I worked for a religious institution for 35 years and was forced to resign because of a very minor clerical error that was made. I had been told from day one that my job was a "ministry" but what I found out was that the only important thing was money. My error incidentally had nothing to do with money. If I were you I would jump at the better job. It is obvious these people you work for care nothing for you or anyone but themselves and are only interested in the money. There is nothing wrong with simply telling them you think it is time to part ways. Take my advise don't wait until they find a reason to get rid of you because they will. |
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10/24/2013 01:22:14 PM · #3 |
You have to do what is best for yourself. You have a strong work ethic, lots of loyalty to your customers, and that is as it should be. But driving yourself into the ground for a manager who will only require more of that is not right, nor is it good for yourself and your family.
They will find someone else. Take the opportunity if it is what you want.
I've worked for several employers who I felt had poor ethics. Interestingly, both of those poor work experiences were with small companies, where the owner couldn't or wouldn't trust his employees. I didn't stay with either of them very long. The best work experiences I've had were with large corporations and managers who gave their employees the autonomy to do the job right and take care of the customer. Not sure if this relates to your own situation, but thought it may be relevant.
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10/24/2013 01:23:53 PM · #4 |
This would be the perfect place to quote the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Your wish to help others change is noble but misplaced. People can only change themselves, and usually that can only happen when the status quo is pulled from under them. Your leaving may be the only way they might be able to begin to change. Do so on good terms, offer to assist with the transition where you can, and leave the negativity behind.
I'm not sure I understand your relationship with the hotels, etc., but let them know where you're going and that you're still available to them, if you can be.
ETA
I'm so very sorry about your wife's miscarriage
Message edited by author 2013-10-24 13:25:12. |
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10/24/2013 06:38:27 PM · #5 |
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Message edited by author 2013-10-24 18:53:37. |
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10/24/2013 06:59:45 PM · #6 |
Jason, you have put up with far more than you should have to. Here's what I suggest you do...
- Get your new job nailed down.
- Announce your departure to your manager
- Make sure that you personally send a message to each of your hotel customers letting them know that you are moving on due to an opportunity (be positive, don't say anything about your current employer's bad practices). Let them know how much you have valued their business and enjoyed working for them.
- Don't look back.
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10/24/2013 07:12:27 PM · #7 |
Originally posted by kirbic:
Jason, you have put up with far more than you should have to. Here's what I suggest you do...
- Get your new job nailed down.
- Announce your departure to your manager
- Make sure that you personally send a message to each of your hotel customers letting them know that you are moving on due to an opportunity (be positive, don't say anything about your current employer's bad practices). Let them know how much you have valued their business and enjoyed working for them.
- Don't look back. |
Not sure about this, but wouldn't something like this be considered a violation of the rules governing starting one's own business.
Just trying to make sure he doesn't get sued.
Ray |
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10/24/2013 07:20:47 PM · #8 |
I have no idea what the laws are in Japan. However, if he simply notifies the hotels, he would be clear here. He would not be seen as soliciting business here.
The part about keeping it positive is very good advice. Throwing rocks on the way out, seldom helps the situation, and gives them an excuse to cast you as "a disgruntled former employee".
Hopefully things turn out amazingly well in the end. Jason, we will keep you and your wife in our prayers. My best to you both. |
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10/24/2013 07:22:22 PM · #9 |
A little more advice and reinforcement of that already given:
1. Nail down that new job before you go.
2. Leave the old job on a good footing, with a nice smile for everyone.
You're the only one who needs to know it's a fake smile.
3. Don't try to teach your old managers a 'lesson.' Let them figure out their behavior on their own.
4. That way, you get a nice, helpful reference for future employers.
Good luck. |
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10/24/2013 10:51:11 PM · #10 |
| All GOOD advice. All I could offer is the other kind. Congrats and best of luck! |
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10/25/2013 10:44:15 AM · #11 |
Thanks to everyone chiming in. Had a wonderful meeting with my 'possible' new boss. Very upfront, nice man. Now it's just a waiting game. He said he didn't want to make any promises he couldn't keep and wanted to make sure that me coming in would not cause any unexpected uproar leading to nobody having any job. Just the possibility of moving on has made work a little better.
Again, thank you everyone! |
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10/25/2013 11:26:07 AM · #12 |
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11/01/2013 11:56:21 AM · #13 |
| Didn't offer my support though a comment originally, but I did read the thread. Hope the new opportunity is working out for you. |
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