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10/13/2012 09:42:58 AM · #1 |
The story
and the video (It's work safe, just her explaining with cards what she went through).
When I was a kid, I got bullied in the 9th grade. It was stupid stuff, girl likes boy, boy likes girl back...some other boy doesn't like it and gets everyone to hate you. Never thought of suicide, but never said anything because I always thought it would make things worse. Then my dad found out. My dad told me (He was a bit old skool) it was fine to fight back. His way of thinking was "If you hit back, they'll think twice about hitting you again." Was never bullied again.
I never remember kids committing suicide over being bullied. Kids had committed suicide but it was for other reasons, I never once heard or thought it was bullying. So, why is it that bullying now has led to more kids killing themselves? Has it always been this way and just swept under the rug? Or has technology made it easier for people to jump on the bullying bandwagon? Should there be laws against bullying? Should parents have mandatory training at schools on how to identify whether or not your child is a bully or being bullied and making sure there's a larger support group for both sides?
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10/13/2012 10:09:45 AM · #2 |
Originally posted by heavyj:
The story
and the video (It's work safe, just her explaining with cards what she went through).
When I was a kid, I got bullied in the 9th grade. It was stupid stuff, girl likes boy, boy likes girl back...some other boy doesn't like it and gets everyone to hate you. Never thought of suicide, but never said anything because I always thought it would make things worse. Then my dad found out. My dad told me (He was a bit old skool) it was fine to fight back. His way of thinking was "If you hit back, they'll think twice about hitting you again." Was never bullied again.
I never remember kids committing suicide over being bullied. Kids had committed suicide but it was for other reasons, I never once heard or thought it was bullying. So, why is it that bullying now has led to more kids killing themselves? Has it always been this way and just swept under the rug? Or has technology made it easier for people to jump on the bullying bandwagon? Should there be laws against bullying? Should parents have mandatory training at schools on how to identify whether or not your child is a bully or being bullied and making sure there's a larger support group for both sides? |
When I was growing up, kids didn't commit suicide over being bullied either.
But think about it nowadays... all the technology.
Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc. Cell phones, email, etc.
not only are kids bullied at school... they are cyber-bullied.
now its not just a few people at school who know about "insert embarrassing moment/bully moment" ... its hundreds or thousands of people.
its pretty bad when it gets to that point.
but I also think the liberalism has ruined kids nowadays.
they aren't supposed to defend themselves "run and tell a teacher" they say. yea... cause that won't get you bullied more.
and... to top it off... kids are MORE scared nowadays. all the access to guns and other weapons... it instills fear.
there are so many more factors that can be tied into this... these are just to name a few.
it's very sad.
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10/13/2012 10:11:37 AM · #3 |
I would say it's the proliferation of social media that has made bullying so much easier. You want to see your average highschooler in a panic? Take away their devices. They really do seem to live and die by their devices and Facebook etc. When I was a kid, I was bullied and goaded into fights, which I usually won and soon I was left alone. But it was rare for the bullies to take the fight past the schoolyard. The Internet and social media allows for bullying to sprout whole new tentacles, to such a pervasive extent that the bullied simply get hounded nonstop.
Also, in this day and age of both parents working and the proliferation of divorces and sometimes blended families, when members of two different families come together and live under one roof - I can well imagine the kind of stress that leads to. No doubt there are other factors at play but those I've listed here are the ones I see the most of. |
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10/13/2012 10:50:41 AM · #4 |
I think it's a lot different being bullied in person at school and having your dirty laundry posted on a website for all to see. It just amplifies things.
Also, as I've seen even here on DPC, the written word which carries no obvious inflection or intonation can be often misconstrued leading to escalations (not sure that applies to this young girl, but definitely I've seen people go off on borderline text messages). But having multiple people writing blog posts which are bullying (those notes saying they wished she would die) certainly would amplify the problem.
Personally, I think some of those people should be held accountable.
She was under age...the person who posted the photo of her breasts is (I would think) guilty of some offense, no?
The older person who she had sex with also an issue, whether she wants to press charges or not.
Maybe others, for cyberstalking/bullying.
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10/13/2012 10:54:02 AM · #5 |
We're skipping to the explanation of a phenomenon before that phenomenon has been proven. I've seen no statistical evidence that bullying is more prominent or more fatal now.
Show me the numbers first.
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10/13/2012 11:18:14 AM · #6 |
Originally posted by posthumous:
We're skipping to the explanation of a phenomenon before that phenomenon has been proven. I've seen no statistical evidence that bullying is more prominent or more fatal now.
Show me the numbers first. |
where's  Venser at when you need him?
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10/13/2012 11:20:26 AM · #7 |
I dont have stats to show if bullying is more or less prominent now, or if suicide rates linked to bullying is higher or lower now than it was in the past. I think bullying has taken on a new dimension though. With the internet and social media, there is a new form of bullying (cyberbullying), in addition to the other forms of bullying that kids face.
Also, with the increased prevalence of pornography, it has sexualized kids in an unprecedented way. Girls especially are facing increased pressure to live up to the expectations of a porn star, are being asked to expose themselves at young ages to their boyfriends/love interests, and then often face blackmail with the images that were sent (as in the case of Amanda Todd).
I recently saw this documentary by the CBC on 'Sext Up Kids': //www.cbc.ca/doczone/episode/sext-up-kids.html
Message edited by author 2012-10-13 11:20:51. |
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10/13/2012 11:26:02 AM · #8 |
Originally posted by Denielle:
Originally posted by posthumous:
We're skipping to the explanation of a phenomenon before that phenomenon has been proven. I've seen no statistical evidence that bullying is more prominent or more fatal now.
Show me the numbers first. |
where's Venser at when you need him? |
pour a circle of salt and then say his name three times. |
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10/13/2012 11:39:55 AM · #9 |
Originally posted by VitaminB:
I dont have stats to show if bullying is more or less prominent now, or if suicide rates linked to bullying is higher or lower now than it was in the past. I think bullying has taken on a new dimension though. With the internet and social media, there is a new form of bullying (cyberbullying), in addition to the other forms of bullying that kids face.
Also, with the increased prevalence of pornography, it has sexualized kids in an unprecedented way. Girls especially are facing increased pressure to live up to the expectations of a porn star, are being asked to expose themselves at young ages to their boyfriends/love interests, and then often face blackmail with the images that were sent (as in the case of Amanda Todd).
I recently saw this documentary by the CBC on 'Sext Up Kids': //www.cbc.ca/doczone/episode/sext-up-kids.html |
it all comes down to self respect and confidence. teach your kids to have some and they wont bully or be bullied. they are also less likely to succumb to the pressures that allow them to fall prey to having themselves exposed for their peers to see.
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10/13/2012 12:04:06 PM · #10 |
Something similar happened to a close acquaintance of my own this year. Our very own  schlake was the one who found her. RIP Amanda.
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10/13/2012 12:06:09 PM · #11 |
Originally posted by mike_311:
Originally posted by VitaminB:
I dont have stats to show if bullying is more or less prominent now, or if suicide rates linked to bullying is higher or lower now than it was in the past. I think bullying has taken on a new dimension though. With the internet and social media, there is a new form of bullying (cyberbullying), in addition to the other forms of bullying that kids face.
Also, with the increased prevalence of pornography, it has sexualized kids in an unprecedented way. Girls especially are facing increased pressure to live up to the expectations of a porn star, are being asked to expose themselves at young ages to their boyfriends/love interests, and then often face blackmail with the images that were sent (as in the case of Amanda Todd).
I recently saw this documentary by the CBC on 'Sext Up Kids': //www.cbc.ca/doczone/episode/sext-up-kids.html |
it all comes down to self respect and confidence. teach your kids to have some and they wont bully or be bullied. they are also less likely to succumb to the pressures that allow them to fall prey to having themselves exposed for their peers to see. |
so I'm not trying to create a debate...
but each kids personality is different.
it is our job as parents to teach our children right from wrong, instill morals and ethics, teach the importance of respect and so on...
but you can't be with your child at all times, and sometimes we just have to HOPE that they will have the integrity to do the right thing at all times.
but we've all been kids once... we've done SOMETHING in our life that wasn't right... or we watched something happens and didn't help... or whatever the case may be.
I'm just saying that no matter how much you teach your kids to be respectful and not bully others, it doesn't mean bullying wont happen.
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10/13/2012 12:19:19 PM · #12 |
Originally posted by mike_311:
it all comes down to self respect and confidence. teach your kids to have some and they wont bully or be bullied. |
That sounds like blaming the victim rather than the perpetrator ... exactly why is it OK for someone to be bullied, regardless of their degree of self-esteem or self-respect? |
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10/13/2012 12:23:00 PM · #13 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Originally posted by mike_311:
it all comes down to self respect and confidence. teach your kids to have some and they wont bully or be bullied. |
That sounds like blaming the victim rather than the perpetrator ... exactly why is it OK for someone to be bullied, regardless of their degree of self-esteem or self-respect? |
I understood mikes statement a lot differently. If a kid has self respect and confidence they may be less likely to be bullied, or to let the bullying get to them to the point where suicide seems an option. Also, if the kid has self respect and confidence, they are less likely to bully others. Nothing about blaming the victim. |
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10/13/2012 12:30:54 PM · #14 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Originally posted by mike_311:
it all comes down to self respect and confidence. teach your kids to have some and they wont bully or be bullied. |
That sounds like blaming the victim rather than the perpetrator ... exactly why is it OK for someone to be bullied, regardless of their degree of self-esteem or self-respect? |
I thought the same but after reading his second sentence I'm pretty sure he meant what VitaminB just said. |
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10/13/2012 12:39:32 PM · #15 |
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10/13/2012 12:58:32 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Well, I hope so ... |
yes you misinterpreted it, im not blaming the victims. you can only control what happens to your own life not what someones wants to do to you. if you half the self confidence and respect not to get down if you get bullied, you either fightback or take it. that choice is up to the individual, but you need to have the self worth to stick through or act on that decision.
also, don't let your kids go looking for what you couldn't give them at home, that's how they get into trouble.
its not rocket science to see the folks who have real problems, where those problems started from.
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10/13/2012 01:02:43 PM · #17 |
| Yet Californians were mercilessly derided for trying to install programs to improve students' self-esteem in the schools ... :-( |
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10/13/2012 01:14:27 PM · #18 |
Originally posted by mike_311:
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Well, I hope so ... |
yes you misinterpreted it, im not blaming the victims. you can only control what happens to your own life not what someones wants to do to you. if you half the self confidence and respect not to get down if you get bullied, you either fightback or take it. that choice is up to the individual, but you need to have the self worth to stick through or act on that decision.
also, don't let your kids go looking for what you couldn't give them at home, that's how they get into trouble.
its not rocket science to see the folks who have real problems, where those problems started from. |
I can understand some of what you've said...
but you can teach your child self respect and confidence... and in a matter of moments, it can be destroyed...
so then what happens? sometimes the child falls into a depression... one they are never able to fully come out of... they get bullied more and more and evenutally, they can't take it.
I used to think bullying was a joke. that the person being bullied was weak-minded and should just grow up. that all changed.
now my fear is Dallas will be bullied due to his appearance. no matter how much we tell him he is handsome, to look past other peoples ignorance... it doesn't mean he'll be able to handle it.
when you're not accepted by your peers, it makes life that much more difficult.
I wasn't really bullied. sure, a few people said I had big feet. yea? and? I do. it didn't bother me.
my mom taught me to fight back... that if someone starts a fight, I finish it. that if someone is bullying me... get them back where it hurts. an eye for an eye. so it never bothered me.
but with what my son faces... the years of strange looks, of people being fearful of him, of possible bullying... my views have changed.
that poor girl. I didn't read the entire story, and I will definitely do so now.
all anyone wants (especially at that age) is to feel accepted. when you feel you're an outcast... your life's troubles are amplified.
I think part of the problem is that children are afraid to tell their parents what's going on. that is a mistake on the parents. they have done something to inhibit the lines of communication with their child.
me... well, if I find out any of my kids are being bullied, it WILL stop.
I've done it before. a boy was harrassing my daughter. he wouldn't stop, simply because she broke up with him. i tried speaking to him myself, telling him he needs to stop. he didnt. i spoke to him again and warned him if it continued, that consequences would follow. he still continued, calling my bluff. well, he ended up getting kicked out of JROTC and being put on academic probation for the remainder of the school year. he never messed with her again.
parents need to step up, and children need to open up.
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10/13/2012 01:28:29 PM · #19 |
So very sad, Cory.
What is different about bullying today is that it is not limited to one tormentor and his flunkies, whom you could presumably leave behind at the end of the school day. Social media has turned bullying into a faceless, omnipresent, pervasive diatribe. A pile-on composed of strangers drawn to a feeding frenzy regarding someone they barely know.
Though instilling strong self-esteem is always good practice, so is teaching respect for others. Bullying behavior has its roots at home, too. |
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10/13/2012 02:13:07 PM · #20 |
I believe bullies are made at home. People should not just develop their children's self esteem but also teach their children empathy. Friends do have a massive role in how you develop as a person but there are values that can only be taught through example by parents. Even amongst the cattier girls in school it was obvious which ones couldn't give a toss and which ones would instantly back down when things got too far. Kids should not only know how to stand up to foe but to friends as well because it's so easy to get lost in the pack mentality.
There's also a news piece I was reading about where they used surgery on a 14 year old to not just pin back her large ears for which she was bullied for but also worked on her face shape, chin, nose etc. The message being sent is if people bully you over something you change it. The girl learnt zilch about how to tackle bullying and what is she going to do if they find her existence as a good enough reason to bully her?
Message edited by author 2012-10-13 14:47:49. |
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10/13/2012 02:27:02 PM · #21 |
When I was in high school in the 70's, we had this gal who was a dwarf that came in halfway during the year. The Principal put out a speech saying if anyone teased her, they would be expelled.
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10/13/2012 02:48:46 PM · #22 |
Originally posted by mike_311:
its not rocket science to see the folks who have real problems, where those problems started from. |
Compared to your dismissal of it, I think it sort of is. |
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10/13/2012 03:10:24 PM · #23 |
It is entirely inappropriate that that blog post includes links back to her porn videos after all she went through. Disgusting.
Edit to fix grammar.
Message edited by author 2012-10-13 15:11:12. |
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10/13/2012 05:26:35 PM · #24 |
Originally posted by Denielle:
I can understand some of what you've said...
but you can teach your child self respect and confidence... and in a matter of moments, it can be destroyed...
so then what happens? sometimes the child falls into a depression... one they are never able to fully come out of... they get bullied more and more and evenutally, they can't take it. |
i agree, but you cant protect your kids from everything, you can only hope to equip them the best you can. if my kids were to fall into such circumstance, i'd hope i be able to tell something was going on in order to intervene. |
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10/13/2012 06:25:21 PM · #25 |
Schools are all about being anti-bullying these days, but the reality is that instead they're protecting the bullies.
My friend's son was bullied repeatedly by an older kid who would throw him on the ground, taunt him, grab his head and stick the younger boy's face into his crotch. My friend's son told the teachers, the principal, and the playground supervisor every time it happened. They'd talk to the older boy about what he'd done, explain to him how that was unacceptable...maybe make him stay inside. Nothing happened... as soon as the bully got a chance, he was right back to it. The victim was, of course told by his teachers that retaliation was just as bad as bullying and so on. Finally he told his dad what had happened and how the school officials had essentially done nothing to stop it. Of course my friend went to the principal to get an explanation...after some hemming and hawing, she admitted that she hadn't suspended the boy or really done anything beyond some counseling because the boy had a difficult home life, he lived in a poor area and his dad was in prison, his mom worked 3 jobs so she felt bad for him and thought it was better for him to be in school...my friend was livid.
About a week later, he gets a call from the principal who tells him his son is in trouble and is sitting in her office. Evidently during his latest beat down, he'd decided he'd had enough and had hit the bully in the testicles and proceeded to vent his pent up rage on the bully who now in addition to sore genitals also had a bloody nose and two black eyes.
The bully was never a bully again...at least while he was at that school.
Message edited by author 2012-10-13 18:26:00. |
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