| Author | Thread |
|
|
07/31/2012 12:28:55 AM · #1 |
Without going into too much detail, because we live in Japan my wife takes care of the money. While I make more than she does I certainly spend less. Camera stuff is expensive but I buy and sell and in the end it is my hobby. However, some of the management lately has caused some trouble and I've decided it's time for me to take over or at least be in the loop as to where money is going etc.
When I was single, I knew I had X amount going into the bank. I knew I wanted to save at least Y. This left me with a maximum of Z to spend. I wouldn't always (Rarely actually) spend that much and would always be left with more in my savings. I used my credit card for everything (Creating a credit history and getting points on the card for stuff....other benefits). I never had to worry about paying off a card because I never went over Z in spending. AND if I wanted to buy something I would take a look at how much I had in savings (Y) and how much extra was in there that I didn't spend from (Z) and make my decision that way. Single life was easy...now things are more complicated.
So, I'm wondering if anyone here could give me advice on what to do, to get get started. All that keeps jumping to my mind is grabbing some Excel sheets and punching in numbers. Still, I feel like there's probably something more to it than that. I'd appreciate any advice people have! |
|
|
|
07/31/2012 12:39:14 AM · #2 |
| My advice? The last time my husband actually physically paid a bill would have to have been over 15 years ago. I don't 'control' the money, and neither does he. We discuss priorities and decide together. We each know what bills we have as a family, what our income is as a partnership, what our mutual and singular goals are and work towards paying the bills first and foremost, looking after the kids (obviously), improving our situation next, then spending money on (what we consider) 'toys'. It's worked for us for 21 years now. |
|
|
|
07/31/2012 12:59:46 AM · #3 |
yep, for it to work it's not my money or her money it's our money. You need to have 1 account where all your money goes her bills are your bills and vice versa. I pay the bills at our house, but we both contribute money, mine is a much smaller amount but in return I take care of the kids and the house. At the end of the month we talk about what we spent were we need to make adjustments and of course we never spend over $50 without talking to each other first. That way I don't have a big surprise waiting for me when I go to pay the bills at the end of the month.
Of course I am a huge Dave Ramsey fan so I'm a bit of a nut when it comes to budgeting and saving. But I can honestly say my husband and I have been married 16 years and never had a fight over money. |
|
|
|
07/31/2012 01:00:54 AM · #4 |
I recommend listening to Dave Ramsey. He's got a lot of good advice about handling things. There are a few points where his advice didn't work for my situation and he has a strong Christian overtone that is not to my preference, but by and large it is a lot of good solid advice. I can send you some of his audio lessons and/or a couple of radio shows if you are interested in giving it a listen.
I paid off all my debts around 2005, and only owe on my house now. It's a good feeling to not have all that over my head.
|
|
|
|
07/31/2012 01:03:53 AM · #5 |
| Looks like spiff and I are fans of the same man. Like steve I've had to adjust our plan a little to fit our situation, but we have also stayed out of debt for nearly our entire married life and are working hard to pay off our house. It's a great feeling to not be a slave to anyone. |
|
|
|
07/31/2012 01:03:56 AM · #6 |
Originally posted by sjhuls:
You need to have 1 account where all your money goes her bills are your bills and vice versa. |
That's the part of Dave Ramsey that didn't work for us. It's good in theory, however, but does not work for all, despite what Dave says.
|
|
|
|
07/31/2012 01:39:01 AM · #7 |
To my ear I think you brought up two separate issues; how do you handle your finances, and how do husbands and wives communicate about handling finances.
Taking the finances out of your wife's hands can be construed as an attack, or a lack of trust, so it has to be handled delicately to avoid your concern being interpreted as a criticism. If you make the credit debit sheet easier to see, then you can both share information more easily, and make a clearer plan. Excel works, but Quicken is better for creating reports or online bill pay. The odd thing about putting the information into the computer is that it rationalizes a whole lot of ingrained spending habits. Once you know where you are now as far as income and expenditures, you need to have THE TALK, about where your priorities are for saving, investing and the horrible realities of retirement or college funding or all of those ungodly expenses that are creeping up. Try to make your approach rational and objective rather than personal, it will be much easier for you and your wife to be on the same page and keep peace in the home. |
|
|
|
07/31/2012 02:27:17 AM · #8 |
Thanks, I will take a look at Dave Ramsey.
We have 2 accounts because both our companies need our names on the account. We can't get an account with 2 names on it. It's one or the other. So my company sends money to my account and her company to hers. Then she shifts money from one account or another to balance out where everything goes. Some bills are on her account or card and some are on mine. I wish it could all be one bill, 1 account but that won't work, at least not here.
I wonder how many of the married couples on here handle disagreements on how to prioritize things? I will certainly handle the matter carefully. I've been completely out of the loop for years. I just ask if we have the money to do this or that and if she says yes, I do it. If she gives off a vibe that seems like I would regret it, I don't. She doesn't like to say no, makes her feel guilty. Doesn't matter how often I say "You have to learn to say no.".
We have 1 small debt that is her schooling, something she started this summer. That's what tripped things up this last month. Other than that, no loans or anything...but at the same time, no real savings either. It seems every time we save a nice amount of money, we end up needing to spend it on something...like a new fridge that doesn't drain the electricity (Especially since July 2012 the price has gone up 3x the regular amount). Would like to make enough to put a down-payment on a house. |
|
|
|
07/31/2012 02:30:53 AM · #9 |
If you need named accounts keep your two accounts open a third joint account, add a set amount to it each on direct debit/standing order to cover house/food/kids/pets etc then it's sorted...
In our households it's different because we have a house each, I look after mine she looks after hers, we spend most the time at mine, so my lovely lady throws in for some food etc but I take care of the mortgage, the utilities the upkeep etc. but I bought my first house at 18 made £75k profit on it do I'm lucky being 30 and owing 35k on a 190k house, all my spare money goes (when not on cameras or apple) on getting rid of my mortgage, I was brought up with a healthy fear of debt. Never had a credit card or loan till this mortgage.
My lady is 30 as well and she's got a nice house and works for the courts so she's paying that off, but just the monthly amount and has about £30k of savings, id never do that I'd clear that off the mortgage as interest is a lot worse on the debt than savings give back, so its hard trying to manage to indiologies when it comes to money.
Message edited by author 2012-07-31 02:42:16. |
|
|
|
07/31/2012 06:23:52 PM · #10 |
Originally posted by sjhuls:
yep, for it to work it's not my money or her money it's our money. You need to have 1 account where all your money goes her bills are your bills and vice versa. |
+1000 to the "our money" thought. That being said, what works for one couple may not work for others. For instance, my wife of 26 years and I have never had a joint checking account. It would never work, and we recognized that going in. We split up bills, and we each manage our own part of the overall budget. It works for us, but I do recognize it's possibly a little unusual.
So, my advice is, *do* start with a simple Excel spreadsheet, or with a dedicated program like Quicken, or whatever tool you feel works for you. Feel free to blue-sky some numbers as to what you *both* think are reasonable for monthly expenditures on whatever categories you define. Now, after that exercise, do go back and analyze where it's *really* going and compare to what you thought was reasonable. Then figure out where the disconnects are :-)
The key is to do this as a team, with specific objectives in mind.
|
|
|
|
07/31/2012 07:43:22 PM · #11 |
Without going in to too much detail, money was one of the first things my wife and I had issues with. Both of us being single for so long, we were both independent and strong willed people. We tried to manage money separately, keeping all our accounts and cards as it was when we were single. It just didn't work. I am a fact based person and need good information to make decisions, she makes decisions based on gut feel and her eyes go into the back of her head when I try to show her the facts. Needless to say, we had no idea where the money was going and we suffered for it.
Then I turned to Crown Ministries...
//crown.org/
Great resource for personal finance help. A very resource rich web site filled with honest and tried and true financial help. No gimics, no systems. They have software available called the Crown Money Map Financial Software that I use for personal money management. (I got a package which included a good book that I don't see listed in the store right now) It is great for setting up a family budget as it uses an envelope based system... you know, the kind your grandparents used to use where they stuffed the weekly pay into envelopes labeled with different spending categories. It comes with very good reports for showing the wife. If your wife is anything like my wife having the written budget and presenting it as a plan or a map to financial freedom instead of a barricade or a set of handcuffs to keep her from spending money really helped her understand there is a limit to how many pairs of shoes she can buy if we want to reach all those other goals we have!! ;) Software has a 30 day free trial. They focus on living without debt.
Since using this, we have a joint account in a credit union and I let her keep her personal account with a tiny stash of $100 per week so she can have some money to use freely. The rest is budgeted and accounted for. The results have been that we refinanced our mortgage and pay $150 less per month on that, We don't have anymore credit card debt (Previously were floating $5k - $7K in debt), we have one car paid off and the other on the way to being paid off, we have savings and are actually able to live off one income since I have been laid off for over 7 months.
Message edited by author 2012-07-31 19:43:29.
|
|
|
|
07/31/2012 08:13:11 PM · #12 |
| My son turned me onto Mint.com, I always used quicken and taught my kids to use it. Life is good! |
|
|
|
07/31/2012 08:51:46 PM · #13 |
Our finances are fairly simple compared to most, and here is our take for last 4 years
> 2 individual accounts
> I take care of all the day to day bills, it keeps our monthly expenses in check by making it a single income household.
> She takes care of only her one credit card bill gives her freedom to shop, but she is good at not over spending just because she is not paying other bills.
> Her account is used as savings towards bigger purchases |
|
|
|
07/31/2012 10:12:55 PM · #14 |
Different couples have different solutions.
My wife and I started with nothing. A borrowed folding card table was our dinette set. Two bean bag chairs, and a bed. No arguments about her money, or my money. There wasn't any money. Next week it will be 39 years later. We are friends, and partners. We do have money now, but it's our money. She pays the bills, and is better at saving a dollar than I am. We do discuss spending priorities, and larger purchases. I would never buy a new camera, without her buying into it. (Used cameras don't count, right? ;-). Saving money does seem to alert household technology, vehicles, etc. to the fact that it is time to die. It can also break a child's collar bone right before your eyes. But if you hadnt saved the money, then you couldn't pay for the emergency, now could you?
|
|
Home -
Challenges -
Community -
League -
Photos -
Cameras -
Lenses -
Learn -
Help -
Terms of Use -
Privacy -
Top ^
DPChallenge, and website content and design, Copyright © 2001-2025 Challenging Technologies, LLC.
All digital photo copyrights belong to the photographers and may not be used without permission.
Current Server Time: 08/12/2025 10:47:59 AM EDT.
