Honestly, what's the big deal about Gay Marriage?

Canon 12x IS USM (S3 IS built-in Lens) -- 36-432mm (35mm EQ)

07/02/2008 09:23:25 PM · #851

Four years later and this thread is still going strong. Amazing! Truly amazing.

I haven't commented in a long time, but I have an update, and I'm going to hark back to the original post: "Honestly, what's the big deal about Gay Marriage?"

Let me tell you.

I'm going to have one on October 17. I'll be legally marrying my same sex partner of 15 years. Both of our families are thrilled. They can't wait!

So what's the big deal?

This marriage is bringing our relatives together and reenforcing all of our bonds, officially making us one big family. It's celebrating our commitment with joy, and with the blessing of the state. This is real. This is about real people and real lives. This is about my life... and my family's. Maybe it's not a big deal for you, but it's a big deal for us.

So to all you marriage inequality supporters out there...

How will you feel knowing that your efforts to supress my relationship can end only with sorrow and misery for so many who just want to live their own lives as they see fit? That's what your efforts will do. I'll be married by the time there's any chance for you to write your blinkered, ahistoric definition of 'marriage' into the constitution. You'll be taking something from me that I will already have. You will, in fact, destroy my marriage if you win. What then are you going to tell my weeping mom to justify having torn her son's life apart? That you don't have to endure the heebie-jeebies that comes from knowing two dudes are married somewhere, and that's good enough reason?

Take what little comfort you can knowing that my marriage was never 'real' in your eyes to begin with. It's just two sick perverts doing unnatural things... barely even worth your consideration, let alone sympathy. Don't lose any sleep over it.

BAMartin

Apple iPhone 5

07/02/2008 09:27:33 PM · #852

Mousie!!! I was just asking about you yesterday. Last post in this thread How have you been? Are you coming back?

GeneralE

Canon PowerShot S3 IS

07/02/2008 09:33:50 PM · #853

Originally posted by BAMartin:

Mousie!!! I was just asking about you yesterday.

Hahaha ... I was just going to look for that thread to say your mention of Mousie's demise/departure was premature ...

Congratulations Mousie!

How Gay Marriage Threatens Heterosexual Marriage

Nikon AF-S DX Zoom-Nikkor 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 ED

07/02/2008 09:50:58 PM · #854

Originally posted by BAMartin:

Mousie!!! I was just asking about you yesterday. Last post in this thread How have you been? Are you coming back?

I never left! I'm pretty quiet these days, but I still check out all the competition winners. I've mostly been posting my stuff on Flickr... what can I say, I'm a sucker for the instant feedback. :)

Thanks, GeneralE!

Enough about me. ;) Back to the subject at hand...

BeeCee

Nikon D40

07/02/2008 09:52:46 PM · #855

Lol General, that's great.

And Mousie, I'm so happy for you :D Congrats!!!

GeneralE

Canon PowerShot S3 IS

Canon 12x IS USM (S3 IS built-in Lens) -- 36-432mm (35mm EQ)

07/02/2008 09:56:10 PM · #856

Originally posted by BeeCee:

Lol General, that's great.

Along the same line, I think I heard someone on the radio wondering how in the world all these gay couples are going to find a heterosexual wedding planner ... ;-)

07/02/2008 09:58:56 PM · #857

Originally posted by GeneralE:

Along the same line, I think I heard someone on the radio wondering how in the world all these gay couples are going to find a heterosexual wedding planner ... ;-)

Last I checked, gay money was worth as much as straight money. :D

Message edited by author 2008-07-02 21:59:12.

pjangel

Canon EOS-5D Mark III

Olympus 7-14mm f/4.0 Zuiko Digital Zoom

07/02/2008 10:00:45 PM · #858

That's awesome... congrats! My partner and I will be doing the same thing very soon.

one2one

Olympus E-5

07/03/2008 12:06:20 AM · #859

Originally posted by Mousie:

Good for you both and many more happy years together.

RayEthier

Canon EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 USM

07/03/2008 12:06:11 PM · #860

Originally posted by dponlyme:

...
You cannot define marriage, it is already defined.

Funny thing definitions... there used to be a time when:

Coke was a drink,
Loving to ball meant loving dancing,
Snort was sound a horse made,
... and I am certain there are a lot more.

Times change and so do definitions. It is truly a sad statement to admit that you would deny individuals the pleasure of being united simply because of your outdated view of what defines "Marriage".

What is it about these unions that so offends you?

Ray

one2one

Olympus E-5

Olympus 7-14mm f/4.0 Zuiko Digital Zoom

07/03/2008 12:31:46 PM · #861

Originally posted by RayEthier:

Originally posted by dponlyme:
...
You cannot define marriage, it is already defined.

Funny thing definitions... there used to be a time when:

Coke was a drink,
Loving to ball meant loving dancing,
Snort was sound a horse made,
... and I am certain there are a lot more.

Times change and so do definitions. It is truly a sad statement to admit that you would deny individuals the pleasure of being united simply because of your outdated view of what defines "Marriage".

What is it about these unions that so offends you?

Ray

Well put Ray, but don't expect an answer though, there isn't one to give. I haven't heard one reason why two people cannot live together happily in a union, as of yet. Only dogma and old beliefs our ancestors left us with, thinking it was truth.

More words that have changed meaning:

Gay used to mean you were happy. Listen to a Hank Williams song to hear how it was used back then.

The name Dick is today unheard of. I remember a few years ago mentioning that to my 2 sons and hearing them laugh thinking it was a joke I had just made. They couldn't believe someone would name their son Dick. I was equally surprised at their reaction.

Louis

Nikon D800

Nikon AF Nikkor 85mm f/1.8D

07/03/2008 01:17:07 PM · #862

Originally posted by Jac:

The name Dick is today unheard of.

Dick Pound must have had a horrendous childhood. :(

BAMartin

Apple iPhone 5

07/03/2008 01:21:36 PM · #863

I guess in my excitement of seeing your name in the forums I totally forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS! I hope the two of you have many more wonderful years together.

Melethia

Canon EOS-80D

07/03/2008 01:54:18 PM · #864

I offer my congratulations as well! Don't forget - we'll be wanting pictures, please. And

pjangel - same to you, too!

Message edited by author 2008-07-03 13:54:43.

07/03/2008 02:13:24 PM · #865

Originally posted by Louis:

Originally posted by Jac:
The name Dick is today unheard of.

Dick Pound must have had a horrendous childhood. :(

There's a certain NASCAR driver that comes to mind......8>)

Dick Trickle

07/03/2008 02:32:40 PM · #866

Originally posted by Mousie:

I'll be legally marrying my same sex partner of 15 years.

Congratulations on your wedding!

Too bad you live so far away or I'd offer my services as a wedding photographer......8>)

BTW, this will be my third year in the capitol of Pennsylvania as a Silent Witness at this year's PrideFest, and it's an event that is fun and enjoyable for the whole family.

The only downside is from the "Upholders of our Morality" that lurk around the outskirts of the event shouting unpleasant epithets and generally doing their very level best to offend an otherwise pleasant and peaceful gathering.

This image here is what basically really inspired my serious efforts into photography, has generated much fun and friendship, as well as getting me in the door of a local gallery that exhibits, and sells, my work.

Funny, I owe rekindling and inspiring my interest and enthusiasm in photography entirely to my church and the gay community.

What a HORRIBLE thing for a 53 year old straight husband and father, eh?

NOT!!!

Percentage-wise, I'd have to say I know way more hetero dysfunctional relationships than gay.

07/03/2008 04:05:53 PM · #867

Thanks for the kind words everyone. :)

Congrats as well, pjangel!

Perhaps it's a good sign that all the comments so far have been supportive! It's certainly not what I was expecting based on the tenor of this thread in the past. I even phrased my post as a challenge to try and stir up some debate... and nobody's taken the bait!

Maybe it's harder to respond in opposition to tangible realities than it is to bandy about hypotheticals. ;)

Now, to be fair, I was a little provocative with the weepy mom stuff, but I don't think it's unmerited. Let me tell you a little anecdote: When I came out to my parents in college before bringing my first boyfriend home (honesty is important in my family) my mom broke down and cried. Not because I was gay, mind you... but because she saw how homosexuals are treated in this world by the people who don't like them. It really upset her to know that I (her baby, after all) might have to deal with all the crap that people pull on guys like me, up to and including violent beatings and murder. It literally panicked her to the point of tears. That's why I'm quite comfortable making the prediction... as far as I'm concerned conservatives have already made her cry. It's not exactly a stretch.

Fortunately I can say I've been very lucky, growing up in spectacular, sensible Vermont and then moving to the San Francisco Bay Area where almost everyone respects you for your talents and not who you love. The most I've had to deal with personally was a bit of highschool bullying, probably because I was a wussy nerd more than someone identified as gay (although the vitriol spiling from their mouths definitely confused the issue, with all the 'faggot's and 'queer's being tossed around), and the occasional ugly stare from the less than open minded. That said, I wouldn't dare hold my partner's hand on the street in many places, in no small part out of fear. What can I say... internalized homophobia is very powerful. It even creeped me out a bit seeing straight buddies holding hands in India when I went there on a business trip... it makes me worry about when the frat boy is going to drive by in his daddy's hummer and chuck a beer bottle... even when I'm surrounded by saris and turbans.

People really need to get over thier discomfort about this. It's not hard. Really!

Take the event coordinator at the vineyard I'm having my ceremony at. Okay, so she skipped a beat looking for us in the tasting room, because two guys next to each other do not necessarily look like we're there to plan a wedding... but once we said 'hi' and she had a second to compose herself, she switched right back into wedding planning mode and started doing her job just like she would normally. She's a trooper, and great to work with. She could have easily responded to something out of the ordinary with shock, fear, or displeasure... refusing to work with us... but inexperience does not neccessarily lead to upset.

Sure, you might feel awkward. But is that any excuse to treat me as a second class citizen?

I sure hope it isn't. :)

Message edited by author 2008-07-11 04:03:54.

07/03/2008 04:23:50 PM · #868

Originally posted by NikonJeb:

BTW, this will be my third year in the capitol of Pennsylvania as a Silent Witness at this year's PrideFest, and it's an event that is fun and enjoyable for the whole family.

You can't imagine how heartening it is to hear about an organization like Silent Witness. Okay, maybe you can, since you're in it. :)

It always pains me a bit to see a vocal minority claim the 'silent masses' as their own to justify their actions... if only more moderates would make the effort to speak up and take action like you, I truly believe the world would be a better place.

To those silent masses remaining (on my side, anyway):

Tell your friends and family you support equal rights! Tell your co-workers! Vote! Take the rhetoric away from those who would use your silence to invalidate my life.

And again, thank you all for the support. :)

Nikon AF-S DX NIKKOR 18-200mm f/3.5-5.6G ED VR II

07/03/2008 04:31:14 PM · #869

Ignorance and unsubstantiated fear are terrible things.

togtog

Nikon D300

07/03/2008 04:43:05 PM · #870

The only thing that bothers me about gay people, or gay friends specifically is when they are unable to relax and feel they need to keep justifying themselves to me. I just wish they didn't have to feel worried about being who they are. :/

Nikon AF-S DX NIKKOR 18-200mm f/3.5-5.6G ED VR II

07/03/2008 04:47:35 PM · #871

Originally posted by togtog:

Maybe this wouldn't be the case if they weren't constantly hassled and vilified by narrow-minded, homophobic, clueless, ignorant people.

togtog

Nikon D300

07/03/2008 05:10:49 PM · #872

Originally posted by NikonJeb:

Originally posted by togtog:
The only thing that bothers me about gay people, or gay friends specifically is when they are unable to relax and feel they need to keep justifying themselves to me. I just wish they didn't have to feel worried about being who they are. :/

Maybe this wouldn't be the case if they weren't constantly hassled and vilified by narrow-minded, homophobic, clueless, ignorant people.

I know, that was my exact point. It is really depressing, of all the things in the world to take up arms against this has to be one of them.

pjangel

Canon EOS-5D Mark III