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12/11/2007 11:36:37 AM · #1 |
Dear All
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $100 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you,
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore , and Uzbekistan
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my buns.
And thanks to your great advice,
I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way â€Â¦ a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
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12/11/2007 11:49:07 AM · #2 |
dammit i thought it was a 143,000 forwards i needed to send. no wonder my back is sooo itchy, and my wish hasn't come true yet...
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12/11/2007 11:51:09 AM · #3 |
it's all true !! i read it on snopes.com & if i read it on the internet it must be true right !!
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12/11/2007 11:53:11 AM · #4 |
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12/11/2007 12:10:59 PM · #5 |
(looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed his hand on the mouse)
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12/11/2007 12:12:40 PM · #6 |
Originally posted by dwterry:
(looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed his hand on the mouse) |
I jerked my hand off my mouse so fast you woulda thought it was on fire! then I just started laughing at myself..my girls thought i was nuts (as usual)
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12/11/2007 12:27:53 PM · #7 |
| Marvelous! I've gotten almost everyone! LOLOLOLOL! |
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12/11/2007 10:45:12 PM · #8 |
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12/11/2007 11:04:02 PM · #9 |
Originally posted by smilebig4me1x:
Originally posted by dwterry:
(looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed his hand on the mouse) |
I jerked my hand off my mouse so fast you woulda thought it was on fire! then I just started laughing at myself..my girls thought i was nuts (as usual) |
LOL! I'll second that! Awesome :-)
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12/11/2007 11:11:20 PM · #10 |
Here's a good website for finding out if things are true or not:
break the chain!
and the great thing is, you can link it when you hit reply all on the forward so everyone will know it is BS :) I do this often and get gnasty stuff back from the Original Sender LOL |
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