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04/30/2007 01:01:30 PM · #1 |
It's a little known fact (mostly because I just made it up) that Dr. Seuss was an avid photographer, and loved to write about photography. Some of you have probably read this early version of what was eventually to become Green Eggs & Ham
We all know that Dr. Seuss had a vivid imagination, and excelled at writing about creatures -- like The Cat in the Hat and The Grinch -- who exist only in our minds. It should come as no surprise, then, that Dr. Seuss once wrote about another largely mythical creature -- the Troll Voter. Here for your enjoyment is his lost classic:
I Can Vote With My Eyes Shut!
I can vote a one. I can vote a two.
I can give comments to all but you.
I can vote in bed, and home, and in town.
I can leave a comment that will make you frown.
I can vote with my left hand.
I can vote with my right.
I can vote just like a troll with my eyes shut tight.
"Out of focus," "you're clearly talentless," and "DNMC," too!
I cut and paste with my eyes shut!
That is VERY HARD to do!
So it's bad for your heart and makes the forums get red hot,
but . . . voting with my eyes shut
I sure do an awful lot.
I'm glad my mind's not open
I can vote with much more speed.
I have to be a speedy voter
'cause there's so, so much to see.
You can photograph trees . . . and bees . . . and knees.
And knees on trees!
They'll all get threes!
You can photograph anchors.
And macros of ants.
You can photograph ankles!
You don't stand a chance!
I'll vote down your hoses . . .
And pretty red roses . . .
And even models in beautiful poses!
Take that! If you let me vote long enough,
Oh the votes you will earn! The most terrible stuff!
I'll vote down your fishbones . . . and wishbones.
I'll vote down your trombones, too!
I'll vote down Jake the Pillow Snake
and recommend it for DQ.
I will sometimes vote nice,
But then bump it down twice.
Maybe thrice.
A heart of ice.
Many times I will just roll some dice.
Except for my friends -- THEY all get tens!
I can make you all SAD . . .
And GLAD . . . and MAD!
Trolls have so many things we can toss about.
BUT . . . we do the worst things when we keep our eyes shut.
The less that we see, the less your score will show.
The less that we learn, the more rant threads will flow.
What better way to spend twenty-five dollars,
Than making you all get hot under your collars?
You can learn to vote fairly and not like a nut
if you keep your eyes open, but not with them shut.
If you vote your eyes shut, you’re likely to find
That the Site Council's going to kick your behind.
So . . . that’s why I tell you to keep your eyes wide.
Use the whole score range. . . and not just one side!
© 2007 Terry Auspitz. May be redistributed freely so long as this notice is maintained.
~Terry
Message edited by author 2007-04-30 13:28:33.
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04/30/2007 01:05:12 PM · #2 |
| totally creative! :) I like it! |
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04/30/2007 06:12:49 PM · #3 |
Bump for the evening folks.
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04/30/2007 06:28:26 PM · #4 |
| That is superb Terry! :-D |
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04/30/2007 07:23:15 PM · #5 |
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04/30/2007 07:40:00 PM · #6 |
| Wow your quite the talented writer :) I love how you've kept true to Dr Suess |
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04/30/2007 07:54:03 PM · #7 |
When Dr. S writes One fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue fish - It means he is giving ones and twos to the blue and red ribbon winners??
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04/30/2007 08:08:05 PM · #8 |
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04/30/2007 08:11:42 PM · #9 |
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04/30/2007 09:59:25 PM · #10 |
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04/30/2007 10:10:18 PM · #11 |
| LOL! Love it! Take that, trolls :-) |
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04/30/2007 10:11:15 PM · #12 |
| But Terry, you're a poet! |
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04/30/2007 10:13:12 PM · #13 |
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04/30/2007 10:27:40 PM · #14 |
That's really funny !
Very nice. |
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04/30/2007 10:32:22 PM · #15 |
| Priceless! I love it (and generally cannot tolerate Dr. Seuss)! |
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04/30/2007 10:38:28 PM · #16 |
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04/30/2007 10:45:15 PM · #17 |
You get a 1 for hating the trolls.......j/k.
Very funny and creative. |
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04/30/2007 10:55:04 PM · #18 |
| Thanks for sharing your humor with us. It is wonderful! |
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04/30/2007 11:37:41 PM · #19 |
| I think your iambic pentameter is a bit broken, but still funny ;) |
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05/01/2007 12:50:02 AM · #20 |
Originally posted by wavelength:
I think your iambic pentameter is a bit broken, but still funny ;) |
The meter is Seuss', not mine. I agree it's a bit broken, but it's true to the original.
Glad you enjoyed it!
~Terry
Message edited by author 2007-05-01 00:50:18.
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05/01/2007 04:48:52 AM · #21 |
| I may have grown to hate Dr Seuss but this was a superb parody - hats off to you, Terry :-) |
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05/01/2007 09:17:30 AM · #22 |
Sounds a bit like a rap song
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