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04/30/2007 08:47:07 PM · #1 |
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04/30/2007 08:53:09 PM · #2 |
| Please feel free to add your own... ;-) |
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04/30/2007 09:15:37 PM · #3 |
| hahahaha... that made me laugh out loud.. Thanks |
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04/30/2007 09:17:46 PM · #4 |
removed
Message edited by author 2007-04-30 21:18:53.
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04/30/2007 09:18:32 PM · #5 |
removed for good taste...
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04/30/2007 09:24:10 PM · #6 |
| LOL... I've seen that one you just removed. Classic... but extremely offensive. |
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04/30/2007 11:06:28 PM · #7 |
This one is cute and funny :)
"What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. "
by the way, the last one about disneyland, well china have one now, so the joke must be old :p |
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04/30/2007 11:14:02 PM · #8 |
I'm offended that I'm not offended :-P
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05/03/2007 11:21:26 AM · #9 |
Ill add one...
What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
The Hide and Go Seek champion of 2003. |
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05/03/2007 11:27:01 AM · #10 |
Originally posted by Jmnuggy:
Ill add one...
What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
The Hide and Go Seek champion of 2003. |
This one made me snort with laughter :-)
R.
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05/03/2007 11:48:05 AM · #11 |
Lmao..
I needed a laugh.
=)
Thanks. |
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05/03/2007 12:00:08 PM · #12 |
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
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05/03/2007 12:36:35 PM · #13 |
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it."
"This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and tarted waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was answer her question."
Message edited by author 2007-05-03 12:37:34. |
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05/03/2007 12:43:04 PM · #14 |
another, not so much offensive but good.
A woman is cheating on her husband, they are in mid coitus when he comes home from work. Thinking quickly she covers him in flour and tells him to stand in the corner and pretend to be a statue. Husband walks in and asks whats with the new statue. She replies that she saw one at her friend Betty Smith's house and really liked it so she went out and got one of her own. He shruggs and says OK.
Hours later, the husband and wife go to bed, "statue" still standing still in the corner. Husband comes down to the kitchen goes to the fridge and gets a beer and a sandwich. He walks buy the statue and puts the food and drink in the guys hands. A bit puzzled, the guy asks why he has offered food. The husband replies, "I stood there for 8 hours at Betty Smith's place and no one gave me shit."
Message edited by author 2007-05-03 14:33:41. |
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05/03/2007 02:09:56 PM · #15 |
This one is kind of old, but we say it to eachother at my school.
A pharmacist was amused to see a teenage boy glancing shyly down an aisle stocked with condoms. Taking into consideration that the boy was probably embarassed, he walked over and asked him what he was so shy about. The boy replied "Tonight is my first date with my new girlfriend, and I want to make sure I'm safe." The man said "Better safe than sorry." and pulled up a box of condoms for the boy and gave him a bag to put them in. The boy smiled and thanked the man and left.
Later that night the man came home from work and sat down at the table. His daughter had brought her boyfriend Scott over for dinner.
The man lead the family in saying a short prayer.
Scott remained with his head bent down.
Ten minutes went by and Scott was still bent over praying.
Another fifteen went by and the family had mostly finished their meals.
Scott was still praying.
His girlfriend leaned over and said to him "I never knew you were so religious." He replied "I never knew your father was a pharmacist."
=P |
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05/03/2007 02:37:35 PM · #16 |
Another random thought:
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Message edited by author 2007-05-03 14:38:21.
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05/04/2007 03:46:41 PM · #17 |
Here's some stand-up comedy lines from the Edinburgh Festival (found on another website's forum):
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
- Jimmy Carr
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of
our family holidays in Customs.
- Patrick Monahan
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people
were given pointed sticks?
- Adam Bloom
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
- Susan Murray
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the girl out of Cork...
- Markus Birdman
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
- Chris Addison
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a
winner and a loser at the same time.
- Demetri Martin
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05/07/2007 01:14:15 AM · #18 |
heres one that always offends,whats the best way to bring a woman to orgasm,-------------WHO CARES? bu dum pa crash..(this IS a JOKE ladies,lol)
Message edited by author 2007-05-07 11:22:09.
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