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01/16/2007 06:36:02 PM · #1 |
Okay...I don't normally pass on emails. But this one has to be shared. A lesson of what not to do...or maybe that should read...'it takes all kinds'!!
So...read on! And try not to cringe to much!!
Yep - They are finally out again.
In case you don't know it's an annual honour given to the person who Did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine Which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this year, in reverse order, are
7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died Of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 30" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was, for reasons unknown, inserted into his rectum and was the cause of his suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude When another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
4. A 22-year-old, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus Straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
AND THE WINNER.....(ouch....)
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his balls in the machine.
Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's balls in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism.
Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain , collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for him, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and his balls were the weakest link.
Sanchez's balls ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was Plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside.
To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself.
Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.
Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die.
But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
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01/16/2007 06:41:10 PM · #2 |
Thanks, I needed that image.
And, now I will go smoke a cigarette (Darwinian in itself) if I can just get my legs to uncross and stand up after the (quite literally) physical reaction I had when picturing that last story.
Maybe I'll forgo the cig and just vomit. Thanks, Judi! :) |
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01/16/2007 06:41:45 PM · #3 |
Judi, Thanks so much. I haven't seen the Darwin awards in a long time. Your post is much appreciated by me.
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01/16/2007 06:43:07 PM · #4 |
that brings tears to my eyes
Message edited by author 2007-01-16 18:43:19.
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01/16/2007 06:50:44 PM · #5 |
Originally posted by JerseyGenie:
Judi, Thanks so much. I haven't seen the Darwin awards in a long time. Your post is much appreciated by me. |
Same here. |
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01/16/2007 06:55:55 PM · #6 |
Hehehehe...I know they are totally gross outs...but you just don't come across them every day...so I just had to share...and show you that our lives are way better than we thought....especially after reading this.
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01/16/2007 07:03:22 PM · #7 |
| LOL! Hey! Thanks for sharing that Judi, I love the Darwin awards! Makes me feel like I'm not so stupid after all! :D |
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01/16/2007 07:05:09 PM · #8 |
| Ok, good points. . . I feel smarter already! :) |
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01/16/2007 07:23:35 PM · #9 |
| Judi I love the Darwin Awards...cracks me up even though I have been a near contender a couple of times myself. lol |
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01/16/2007 08:47:49 PM · #10 |
I am glad you are all enjoying it.
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01/16/2007 09:39:28 PM · #11 |
| here's a link to the darwin awards official site, if you want to do some real reading ;-) |
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01/16/2007 10:00:33 PM · #12 |
| my son and I just love reading the Darwin Awards, we have all 4 of the Darwin Awards books. when you're done reading, they just make ya say "what were they thinking?!" |
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01/16/2007 10:40:49 PM · #13 |
| According to Snopes only one is real, but still very cringe worthy. |
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01/16/2007 10:55:17 PM · #14 |
Why doesn't #3 suprise me?
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01/16/2007 10:56:35 PM · #15 |
| Okay - I want picture evidence of the winner please :-) |
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01/16/2007 10:58:40 PM · #16 |
Originally posted by robs:
Okay - I want picture evidence of the winner please :-) |
uh....... Seriously, dude. . . . you have issues.
edit: oops, forgot the smiley.. :)
Message edited by author 2007-01-16 22:59:13. |
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01/16/2007 11:06:29 PM · #17 |
| #6 was a DPCer working on his challenge shot. |
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01/16/2007 11:09:12 PM · #18 |
Originally posted by Art Roflmao:
#6 was a DPCer working on his challenge shot. |
Which challenge might that be?
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01/16/2007 11:11:38 PM · #19 |
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
Originally posted by Art Roflmao:
#6 was a DPCer working on his challenge shot. |
Which challenge might that be? |
Pick one, he was an out-of-the-box type. :)
It just hit me as I was reading #6 that it could easily have been a DPCer. Imagine if you had some sort of accident in the midst of taking you cheese photo? Now imagine that picture on your tombstone. oh, wait...
:) |
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01/16/2007 11:15:00 PM · #20 |
OK Art, was just making sure Free Study didn't include Free-basing farts.
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01/16/2007 11:15:18 PM · #21 |
Originally posted by Art Roflmao:
#6 was a DPCer working on his challenge shot. |
or a homicide cleverly staged to make appear as a freakish accident |
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01/16/2007 11:19:13 PM · #22 |
"Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
so, if a week earlier, i get this guy to get interested enough in bungee jumping that he'd speak to some friends about it, and a week later, i killed him and made it looked like he did the DIY thing himself, it'd be classified as an "death by accident" ? |
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01/16/2007 11:20:36 PM · #23 |
| The Darwin I always liked best was from a few years ago. A guy ripped the padding off the base of a ski lift tower to use as a mat to toboggan down the mountain. He was killed when he crashed into.... you guessed it.... the base of the tower from which he'd removed the padding! |
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01/16/2007 11:24:03 PM · #24 |
oh this one is good...
"Tycho Brahe, a sixteenth-century Danish astronomer whose research helped Sir Isaac Newton devise the theory of gravity, died because he didn't make it to the bathroom in time. In that society it was considered an insult to leave the table before the banquet was over. Brahe forgot to relieve himself before the banquet began, then exacerbated matters by imbibing too much alcohol at dinner. Too polite to ask to be excused, he instead allowed his bladder to burst, which killed him slowly and painfully over the next eleven days."
update: and has anyone read this one? :p
Message edited by author 2007-01-16 23:25:52. |
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01/16/2007 11:58:29 PM · #25 |
And the guys always laugh when I point out to them while playing a round, that 'The ball washers are to be used for GOLF Balls ONLY'
The signs are there, really! Check it out next time you are on the course. :-)
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