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02/03/2006 10:22:01 PM · #26 |
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02/04/2006 04:47:26 PM · #27 |
My favorite Knock-Knock joke:
You start........... |
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02/04/2006 04:51:11 PM · #28 |
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02/04/2006 07:33:44 PM · #29 |
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02/18/2006 08:06:48 PM · #30 |
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02/18/2006 08:43:32 PM · #31 |
Whatdo you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
...A Flat Minor. |
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02/18/2006 08:59:16 PM · #32 |
On day Bob comes by Joe's house only to find him listening to a wonderful piano concerto. The amazing thing though is that Bob is actually listening to a tiny piano being played by a tiny, foot tall man in a tuxedo.
Bob: "Where on earth did he come from?"
Joe: "I found this lamp with a Genie, rubbed it, made a wish, and got this."
Bob: "Can I try it?"
Joe: "Sure, but be careful, he's hard of hearing."
Bob happily takes the lamp home, rubs it, and stands in awe of the magic creature that pops out.
Genie: "What is your wish, oh my master?"
Bob: "I want a million bucks"
and remembering the hearing problem, shouts: "right now!"
Suddenly there is a horrible noise outside on Bob's lawn. He runs to the window and looks out to see countless ducks everywhere.
Frantic, Bob runs to Joe's house.
Bob: "I asked for a million bucks and got ducks! What's the deal?!"
Joe: "I told you he was hard of hearing"
..wait for it --
Still Joe: "Did you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?..."
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02/18/2006 09:56:49 PM · #33 |
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02/18/2006 10:08:35 PM · #34 |
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
How?
I'll tell you tomorrow ... |
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02/19/2006 12:29:26 AM · #35 |
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he says, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1987."
"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?".
The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
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02/19/2006 12:30:51 AM · #36 |
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02/19/2006 01:11:31 AM · #37 |
Why can a dog lick its self?
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02/19/2006 01:12:07 AM · #38 |
Because...
it can't make a fist!
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03/17/2006 05:01:07 PM · #39 |
A frog walks into a bank and asks the loan officer, Ms. Patricia Wak, for a loan. Ms. Wak, understandably surprised, stammered, "but what collateral can you offer?"
The frog held up a small ceramic pink elephant and said, "Relax, Mic Jagger is my father, he gave me this."
Ms Wak, now confused, grabbed the ceramic elephant and went dutifully to the bank manager's office.
"There's a frog out there claiming to be Mic Jagger's child and when I asked for collateral he showed me this! What is this thing anyway?"
The bank manager replied... |
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03/17/2006 05:02:24 PM · #40 |
...The bank manager replied:
"It's a Knick-nack, Patty Wak. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!" |
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03/17/2006 06:10:19 PM · #41 |
Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obituary.
She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars.
But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died." The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: "Pete died. Boat for sale."
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03/17/2006 06:18:22 PM · #42 |
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03/17/2006 06:52:41 PM · #43 |
Two blondes walk into a building,
you'd think at least one of them would have seen it??! |
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05/01/2006 09:42:45 AM · #44 |
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face.
The egg, looking a bit disgusted, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
If anyone needs it explained - read it a second time.
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05/01/2006 10:16:23 AM · #45 |
A man walks into a bar with a piece of macadam under his arm. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a drink, and one for the road."
:-)
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05/01/2006 10:34:04 AM · #46 |
Hehehe...gave me a good laugH!
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05/01/2006 11:34:16 AM · #47 |
Originally posted by pitsaman:
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast
table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we
were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a
jaybird fifty years ago."
Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the
other is in your oatmeal." |
Made me laugh so much the tears are running down my face!
:-)
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