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11/03/2005 11:10:04 AM · #1 |
Happy Thanksgiving!
CLICK HERE
Rose
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11/03/2005 11:12:31 AM · #2 |
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11/03/2005 11:31:19 AM · #3 |
| Too cute! Thanks for sharing, Rose. |
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11/03/2005 01:59:00 PM · #4 |
Nyki's (moodville) pic is one of the best turkey pics I've seen.
-danny
Message edited by author 2005-11-03 14:05:35.
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11/03/2005 05:42:29 PM · #5 |
I agree...I love moody's turkey shot. I also love that card, Rose! Hilarious! :)
I found this today in my email inbox and thought I'd share it since it's for laughs too. A thousand pardons if you've read it before...
It is the year 2005 and Noah lives in the United
States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says, "In one
year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole
earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want
you to save the righteous people and two of every kind
of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am
commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the
specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah
took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark
and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud
covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went
into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front
yard weeping. "Noah," He shouted, "where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my
best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get
a permit for construction and your plans did not
comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering
firm and redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or
not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and
floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected,
claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building
the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance
from the city planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect
the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest
Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me
catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on
strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the
National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the
Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the
other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group.
They objected to me only taking two of each kind
aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA
notified me that I could not complete the Ark without
filing an environmental impact statement on your
proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the
idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of
the Creator of the universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map
of the proposed new flood plan. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
that I am practicing discrimination by not taking
godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm
building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to
avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state
that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to
register the Ark as a "recreational water craft."
Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an
injunction against further construction of the Ark,
saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a
religious event and therefore, unconstitutional. I
really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5
or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine
and the seas began the calm. A rainbow arched across
the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.
"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth,
Lord.
"No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The
government already has."
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11/03/2005 05:54:32 PM · #6 |
Remember you're describing a government "of the people, by the people, and for the people" when {you} assign responsibility ... : )
It's very funny -- I'm trying to see how it might go if instead Allah was visiting one of the mullahs running Iran, or maybe Buddha contemplating the Citibank helpdesk in Delhi ... |
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11/05/2005 11:45:56 AM · #7 |
From this article at the NY Times:
So what is a leap second? It is one way to reconcile the disparity between two very different time-keeping systems. One is International Atomic Time - or as it is abbreviated by timekeepers, T.A.I. - which is calculated by measuring the frenetic vibrations of cesium atoms; it is said to be accurate to within one second every 70,000 years. The other has been in force since before history was recorded: astronomical time. It's entirely subservient to the Earth's rotation. We now call it Universal Time 1, or U.T.1.
The macrocosmic, astronomical, U.T.1 definition of a second is that it's one-86,400th of an Earth day. The microcosmic, atomic, T.A.I. definition of a second is that it's "9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the cesium 133 atom." Put that in your clock and wind it. |
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11/06/2005 10:44:55 AM · #8 |
Daily Humor
November 6, 2005
My family's art-supply store offers custom photo processing. One time, a customer and an employee got into a discussion about a print. The negative showed delightful scenery with a utility pole blocking a choice part of the view. We could understand our employee's frustration when the customer insisted, "Look, just reverse the negative so the print will show what's behind the pole!"
- submitted to Reader's Digest by Janey Walser |
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11/06/2005 10:54:22 AM · #9 |
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11/06/2005 11:22:27 AM · #10 |
Haahaaa! Love it!!
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11/06/2005 03:04:30 PM · #11 |
OH NO!!!! I killed another thread!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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