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12/05/2002 04:00:05 AM · #1 |
How many Pentium designers does it take to screw
in a light bulb?
1.99904274017, but that's close enough for
non-technical people.
How many IBM CPU's does it take to turn on a light
bulb?
33 - 1 to process the instruction and 32 to
process the interrupt.
How many electrical engineers does it take to
change a light bulb?
We don't know yet. They're still waiting on a
part.
How many hardware engineers does it take to change
a light bulb?
None. "We'll fix it in software."
How many software engineers does it take to change
a light bulb?
1. None. "We'll document it in the manual."
2. None. It's a hardware problem.
3. One, but if he changes it, the whole
building will probably fall down.
5. Four. One to design the change, one to
implement it, one to document it, and one to
maintain it afterwards.
6. Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the
project, one technical writer to correct the
spelling and grammar of the one who
documented it, one light bulb librarian, a
sales-force of at least five to drum up
enough users who want to turn the light on,
274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which
point we go to tender for another light bulb
change,...
7. Five. Two to write the specification
program, one to screw it in, and two to
explain why the project was late.
8. Wait! Maybe the bulb isn't broken. Let's try
it again.
9. It's hard to say. Each time we separate the
bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it
stops working.
11. We looked at the light fixture and decided
there's no point trying to maintain it.
We're going to rewrite it from scratch.
Could you wait two months?
How long does it take a C programmer to screw in a
light bulb?
24 hours - 3 minutes to put in the bulb, the
rest of the time to compile all the libraries.
How many C++ programmers does it take to change a
light bulb?
You're still thinking procedurally. A properly
designed light bulb object would inherit a
change method from a generic light bulb class,
so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb
change message.
How many people does it take to change an
object-oriented light bulb?
Change it? Aw shucks, I was going to reuse it.
How many Prolog programmers does it take to change
a light bulb?
False.
How many data base people does it take to change a
light bulb?
Three: One to write the light bulb removal
program, one to write the light bulb insertion
program, and one to act as a light bulb
administrator to make sure nobody else tries to
change the light bulb at the same time.
How many IBM engineers does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
None. They just let Marketing explain that
"Dead Bulb" is a feature.
How many IBM PC owners does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy
the light bulb adaptor card first, which is
extra.
How many IBM tech writers does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document
number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking
Incandescent Source System Facility, of
which 10% of the pages state only "This page
intentionally left blank", and 20% of the
definitions are of the form "A ......
consists of sequences of non-blank
characters separated by blanks".
How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw
in a light bulb?
None. They just define darkness as an industry
standard.
How many Microsoft employees does it take to
change a light bulb?
Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to
make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light
bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
How many operating systems are required to screw
in a light bulb?
Just one-Microsoft is making a special version
of Windows for it.
How many Windows programmers does it take to
change a light bulb?
472. One to write WinGetLight BulbHandle, one
to write WinQueryStatusLight Bulb, one to write
WinGetLightSwitchHandle...
How many Apple employees does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
Seven. One to screw it in and six to design the
tee-shirts.
How many Apple programmers does it take to change
a light bulb?
Only one, but why bother? Your light socket
will just be obsolete in six months anyway.
How many Mac owners does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
1. None - there's no documentation available,
so you have to wait until a third-party
supplier comes out with a solution.
2. Just one, but the new light bulbs aren't
compatible with the old sockets, so he has
to buy a complete upgrade or a new light.
3. Three: One to change the bulb, one to
copyright the method for changing the bulb,
and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who
infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb
changing method.
How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light
bulb?
1. As many as you want; they're all virtual,
anyway.
2. One, but first he has to determine the
correct path.
How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw
in a light bulb?
Read the man page!
How many Unix system vendors does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. All of the light bulbs you have are
'standard variants' and as such won't fit your
particular implementation of the socket.
(However you do have the source code for your
socket, so .....)
Message edited by author 2002-12-06 04:02:28. |
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12/05/2002 04:12:12 AM · #2 |
here's hoping theres some other nerds out there that actually GOT most of these.
:D
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12/05/2002 04:13:47 AM · #3 |
Originally posted by Arachnophilia:
here's hoping theres some other nerds out there that actually GOT most of these. |
This geek got every single one of them... and I'm not sure whether to be ashamed or proud of the fact ;o)
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12/05/2002 04:46:38 AM · #4 |
Originally posted by Manic:
Originally posted by Arachnophilia:
here's hoping theres some other nerds out there that actually GOT most of these. |
This geek got every single one of them... and I'm not sure whether to be ashamed or proud of the fact ;o) |
Uhh...ditto...I think... |
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12/05/2002 05:03:38 AM · #5 |
Having passed this round a room full of geeks at work it was pointed out to me how appropriate the quote in my current signature is ...
You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
-- Arlo Guthrie
Spooky!
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12/05/2002 07:44:14 AM · #6 |
or if that doesn't work:
Bright Idea!
Great List!
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12/05/2002 10:09:51 AM · #7 |
| hehehe... I hope you don't mind if I steal half of these to use for my fibre channel classes :) |
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12/05/2002 02:49:17 PM · #8 |
myqyl, of course i don't mind; this is the stuff that goes around the world and around and around and ...
crabappl3, thanks for that shedding a light on this thread. Mmmm, i should throw a light bulb image together but don't have the time right now.
Yes, it's a little disconcerting how nerdy we have become. Didn't realize how nerdy i was until last night. Wonder whether "know thyself" is such a good thing after all :) |
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12/06/2002 02:36:13 PM · #9 |
Just want to add some pixels to this thread.
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