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02/26/2005 01:03:03 AM · #1 |
The following was started by my Dad (God how I miss him) and I'm trying to add to it in his honor. Anyone got more?
POINTS TO PONDER
Compiled by:
Harvey Holleman
When sign painters go on strike, who paints their signs?
Why are power outages reported on TV?
Why is a package sent by a land carrier called a shipment, while one sent by ship is cargo?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
Why do we call them apartments when they are all attached to one another?
When you open up a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor while book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why do we call it a TV set when you get only one?
Why isn’t phonetics spelled the way it sounds?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands out with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If you yelled at your plants and called them ugly names, would they still grow -
only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn’t it a bit unnerving when doctors call what they do practicing?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms - are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people that know the least know it the loudest?
If a funeral procession is at night, do they drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in the woods, will anybody hear it?
If a turtle has no shell, is he called homeless or naked?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If a mime is arrested, do the cops tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
When they ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
Why do you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station...
If quitters never win, and winners never quit,
what fool came up with "quit while you're ahead"?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible whole lots more as they get older,
then it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks,
so I wonder what Chinese mothers use...Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
Go ahead and take risks.... Just be sure that everything will turn out OK.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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02/26/2005 01:05:52 AM · #2 |
| hey, there are quite a few gems there and very funny. |
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02/26/2005 01:31:01 AM · #3 |
Originally posted by TooCool:
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? |
0 degrees celcius = 32 degrees farenheit...32/2 = 16 degrees farenheit
Wow, I spent a great deal of time laughing at these...very funny.
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02/26/2005 01:38:30 AM · #4 |
excellent list iam gonna try to thin of something to add
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02/26/2005 01:52:24 AM · #5 |
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
(nice thread Dude)
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02/26/2005 09:03:24 AM · #6 |
Must be too early on a Saturday for Deep Thoughts...
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02/26/2005 09:27:41 AM · #7 |
One of my favorites, which I heard on Saturday Night Live, in the "coffee Talk" skit...
"I'll give you a topic: Rhode Island, it's neither a road, nor an island, talk amongst yourselves..."
You gotta love Mike Myers!! hehe
Deb
p.s. (of course this was a bit more humorous to me, since I live in Rhode Island, lol) |
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02/26/2005 09:32:06 AM · #8 |
If practise makes perfect but nobody is perfect then why practise?
Message edited by author 2005-02-26 11:53:42. |
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02/26/2005 09:40:56 AM · #9 |
A Few:
Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why does shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
A HUUUGE List Here!
Lee |
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02/26/2005 09:54:12 AM · #10 |
Several of these are repeats I'm sure since I just copied and pasted but some of them are pretty insightful anyway... LOL ;o)
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older ... they were cramming for their finals!
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
Clones are people two.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does Wendy's have square hamburgers?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?
Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?
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02/26/2005 10:00:49 AM · #11 |
If you didn’t know what they were, and you had a choice to catch either smallpox or chicken pox, wouldn’t you pick smallpox?
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02/26/2005 10:08:03 AM · #12 |
Would The Diary of Anne Frank have been as famous, and as meaningful, if her name was not Anne Frank . . . but Beppie Schellevis?
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02/26/2005 10:25:21 AM · #13 |
I know nobody's asked for answers, but here's 3 of them that have rational answers...
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias? — It's cheaper.
Why does Wendy's have square hamburgers? — It was an issue of production economics; Dave Thomas was able to save money by mass-producing sheets of Ground beef and stamping them into squares with no wastage. White Castle did it even before he did. The reallyh interesting question is "Why don't all chains use square hamburgers?"
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is? — Weight
And here's another unanswerable question: "Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?"
Robt.
Message edited by author 2005-02-26 10:25:46.
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02/26/2005 10:25:44 AM · #14 |
Why does the man that says it can't be done always interrupt the woman doing it?
If you put beer in a water bed does it make it a foam mattress?
If looks aren't everything, why are plastic surgeons so busy?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
What does OK stand for?
When someone says they are a pathological liar, should you belive them?
Message edited by author 2005-02-26 10:27:24.
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02/26/2005 04:27:30 PM · #15 |
nothing else these are good
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02/26/2005 05:17:34 PM · #16 |
if time is money why am i so poor?
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02/26/2005 05:26:39 PM · #17 |
One I thought was in the list allready...
If buttered bread always lands butter side down and a cat always lands on it's feet, what happens if you fasten a slice of buttered bread on the back of the cat?
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02/26/2005 08:20:21 PM · #18 |
Under capitalism man exploits man - while under communism it's the other away around.
What's the difference between flammable and inflammable?
Why do people who have sure-fire systems of beating the lottery waste their time and resources giving away their vital secrets to strangers via writing books rather than just becoming filthy rich by quietly beating the lottery themselves? |
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02/26/2005 08:50:28 PM · #19 |
Originally posted by TooCool:
One I thought was in the list allready...
If buttered bread always lands butter side down and a cat always lands on it's feet, what happens if you fasten a slice of buttered bread on the back of the cat? |
Don't know about the cat/bread combination, but here's why bread lands butter side down... seriously!
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02/26/2005 09:01:14 PM · #20 |
why is it when you have an empty bucket it is caled a bucket but when you put a lid on it it is called a container.
confucious say man who run behind car always exhausted
confucious say man who go through turnstyles sideways going to Bangkok. (sorry about that one) :o) |
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02/26/2005 09:03:35 PM · #21 |
Originally posted by TooCool:
One I thought was in the list allready...
If buttered bread always lands butter side down and a cat always lands on it's feet, what happens if you fasten a slice of buttered bread on the back of the cat? |
I seriously thought of that one first after reading this thread...
A bunch of us in college had gotten some threads like this together.... funny stuff no doubt...the cat and bread buttered was a bit abstract, I wasn't sure how the DPC culture would adhere to it... kinda like "did not meet challenge" or "dnmc" for those of you that have read thatthread, haha!
Deb |
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02/26/2005 10:51:21 PM · #22 |
If a fortification is a large fort, does that make ratification a large rat?
Corn oil comes from corn, olive oil comes from olives, baby oil comes from ...
How can the NCAA sanction a track meet, then sanction the schools which cheat?
A lot of these philosophical conundrums are really rooted in the vagaries of That Crazy English Language. |
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