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02/08/2005 05:43:38 AM · #1 |
DEPRESSED MAN DIAGNOSED AS "BRITISH"
(New York Times 18 Jan 05)
Dave Farthing, an expatriate British man living in New Jersey, was recently diagnosed as chronically depressed, given a cocktail of anti-depressants and scheduled for controversial Electro-Shock Therapy.
Then doctors realized he wasn't depressed at all - just British.
RochesterCountyhealth officials referred Mr Farthing for "Pervasive Negative Anticipation". He believed that everything would turn out for the worst; trains would run late, Englandwould never win any international sports event, he personally would never have any luck, get ahead in life or achieve any of his ambitions. This general pessimism and gloomy perspective were interpreted as clinical depression, and Farthing was led on a nightmare journey through the American psychiatric system.
Meat processor Farthing, 34, takes up the story. "They tried everything - Lithium, Prozac, barbiturates, St John'sWort. They even told me to sit in front of a big light for an hour every day. I kept telling them it was all pointless but they said it was exactly that sort of attitude that got me ill in the first place."
"The satisfaction Mr Farthing seemed to get from his pessimism seemed pathological," reported a County Health spokesperson.
Running out of ideas, physicians finally resorted to a course of 'weapons grade amphetamine'. The only noticeable effect of this was the constant repetition of phrases such as "mustn't grumble" and "could be worse, I suppose".
It was only then that Mr Farthing was referred to a therapist. Atlantic City psychologist Dr Isaac Horney explored Mr Farthing's family history and couldn't believe his ears.
"He told me of a childhood growing up in a grey little town where it rained every day. There were treeless streets of identical joined-up houses, windswept semi-derelict shopping centers (outdoor malls) and nothing to do. On Saturday nights there were fights outside the "pubs", and on Sunday mornings the whole town smelled of vomit and kebab (a kind of Greek hamburger). Also, Mr Farthing apparently passionately backed a soccer team which never won any trophies.
Dr Horney concluded that this nightmare world could only exist in Mr Farthing's mind; it seemed to be typical "depressive ideation" or "false memory syndrome".
Mr Farthing had six months of therapy but only wanted to talk about the weather; how miserable and cold it was in winter and then how tiring and hot it was in summer.
"He wasn't responding to therapy at all and so I recommended drastic action - namely ECT or 'shock treatment'." said Dr Horney.
"I was all strapped down on the table and they were about to start when the nurse picked up on my accent," says Farthing. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think we're making a terrible mistake'."Â Luckily, hospital intern Alice Speen turned out to be a fan of British comedy, giving her an understanding of the British psyche.
"They have comedy characters like Norman Wisdom, John Cleese, Tony Hancock, Harold Steptoe and Frank Spencer, who are all hopeless cases with no chance of ever doing well or escaping their circumstances," she explained to the baffled team. "That's seen as funny in Britainand is not pathological at all."
Mr Farthing was diagnosed as "British" and was discharged. Rochester Memorial medical staff bade farewell with a gift of an "I Love New Jersey" sweatshirt.
- Associated Press |
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02/08/2005 05:56:56 AM · #2 |
| Very entertaining. I'd be very surprised if it was published in the New York Times though? |
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02/08/2005 05:57:27 AM · #3 |
[quote=Imagineer] DEPRESSED MAN DIAGNOSED AS "BRITISH"
(New York Times 18 Jan 05)
when reading this article and it does not produce at least a smile
u probably suffer from Serious depression
as long as u English produce comedy like u do (u mentioned a few , i could add a mass more) for God sake stay depressed |
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02/08/2005 06:05:46 AM · #4 |
| I get positively euphoric when England don't win, like at rugby against the Welsh... |
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02/08/2005 06:09:14 AM · #5 |
This is funny as hell, but I subscribe to the NY Times online and it does not show up in a search of their archives. I think the giveaway that it's a sendup is the name "Dave Farthing", which seems a little obvious for a Brit name.
Robt.
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02/08/2005 06:17:21 AM · #6 |
| Apparently, it's been 'scientifically proven' that those with a depressive outlook on life actually have a firmer grasp on reality than those who are generally optimistic. I suppose this means that unmerited cheerfulness is a psychological safety-net that humans have evolved to cope with the cruel, cruel world we all live in. We British live in such miserable filth and squalor that no amount of innate chipperness can compensate. However, we will win the World Cup in Germany. |
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02/08/2005 06:24:01 AM · #7 |
| OMG Wife & I are about to depart for an 8 week tour of 'old blighty', if it's not too late maybe we can change to Canada. |
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02/08/2005 06:28:11 AM · #8 |
Originally posted by bpickard:
We British ... will win the World Cup in Germany. |
I doubt that the British will win anything in Germany. The English might. |
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02/08/2005 07:07:28 AM · #9 |
This had me laughing.
I have a solution for anyone suffering from 'Britishness' - move to sunny Queensland, Australia. It worked for me :)
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02/08/2005 07:21:21 AM · #10 |
Originally posted by The Four Bears:
This had me laughing.
I have a solution for anyone suffering from 'Britishness' - move to sunny Queensland, Australia. It worked for me :) |
No, it's too bloody hot down there!
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02/08/2005 07:40:03 AM · #11 |
Originally posted by Koriyama:
Originally posted by bpickard:
We British ... will win the World Cup in Germany. |
I doubt that the British will win anything in Germany. The English might. |
You haven't seen England play recently have you? :-/
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02/08/2005 07:54:20 AM · #12 |
Well, it could be worse... He could have grown up in Waukegan.
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02/08/2005 08:01:25 AM · #13 |
Nothing like reading a whole page of something first thing in the morning and just never really getting the punch...maybe I'll try again later.
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02/08/2005 09:36:41 AM · #14 |
| I could see it happening :) |
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