Dualityby
LeeDComment by SJCarter: * Greetings from the Critique Club *
First Impression - the most important one:
Well, to be honest I was one of the ones who scored this a 10, so right off the bat, you know where my personal opinion of this piece lies. I think it is incredibly powerful, thought provoking, and well executed. That being said and upon closer inspection (and after reading your notes and the other comments given), I will do my best to provide some constructive feedback.
Composition:
I think the placement of the subject and the crop were both good. A couple of people mentioned the differences in the hands and their placement - and I do see where that could have been cleaner. If you had painted her right hand black (in juxtaposition to her unpainted left hand) and managed their placement so that the dividing line matched up, that would have been ideal. Also, the fact that the word PASSION slightly overlaps into the black area (whereas all other words stay within their borders - except LOVE, which purposefully crosses boundaries). These are really pretty minor points, but obviously are/were noticeable and did affect some people's impressions of the work. The only other really noticeable difference in the symmetry is the placement of her head (where the angle seems to be off, causing the line to veer).
Subject:
The subject matter was right on topic and couldn't have been more relevant to the challenge theme IMHO. I think you managed to cross most of the boundaries of motherhood (so to speak) with your interpretation and did so in a manner that not only spoke (literally) to the viewer, but showed your loving relationship to your wife as well. And BTW, including her C-section scar in the image was one of the cappers for me.
Technical (Color, focus, and light):
I think your use of color was creative and well done - it again made your point of the numerous aspects of motherhood and the dual nature of a woman. The blacklight and writing was a cool effect, and although some people did consider the actual lettering to be a bit messy, I didn't think so at all. The fact that the "mother" allowed herself to be touched so intimately by the writer, said something about her nature IMO as well. I think the fact that you managed to eke out detail in black areas against black areas in black light, tells me that your lighting and focus had to be pretty darn good.
To grow its vote?:
Little things as stated above. Personal tastes and a few minor details would have probably landed this much higher on the scoring ladder.
Summary:
I'm really surprised it didn't score much higher than it did, but I do see now what some of the commenters were pointing out. However, I think this was an exceptionally strong entry that met the challenge perfectly and was very well executed. Great job and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Just my 2 cents...
Jimmy
Message edited by author 2006-01-12 20:26:38. 
Photographer found comment helpful.
