Hello, and greetings from the Critique Club.
I think you’ve come up with a good idea for this challenge. It is a good idea for the challenge, especially with such a quick capture. Some things that I think could help things- I’ll agree with what the comments say. I think a large reason your score suffered was the fact that both sides have some ghosting going on, so your subjects don’t appear to be legitimately there, which is a definite part of a great shot in this genre. It is also noted that a darker background benefits these shots, which I also agree with because it helps to separate your subjects and decrease and ghost effect you may get- it’s the texture on the wall behind that really makes this look ghosty. The scene itself is lacking a bit contrast and is a bit dark. Your white pieces are not quite white enough and a large portion of your tones drop down into the lower zones with very little detail. Some technical notes- somebody commented on the sharpness of the photo, which does seem a bit soft. You might consider not shooting at quite a small aperture. After a certain point (generally somewhere in the f/16 range) you begin to experience diffraction and your sharpness will actually start to decrease across the entire depth of field. I would also recommend you drop your iso down to base, since noise quickly becomes an issue in longer exposures (not necessarily an issue here, but a general note). To compensate for this, you will obviously have to decrease your shutter speed a bit to keep the ambient knocked down. By doing this, you will also strengthen the double exposure effect and prevent ghosting some. To further the effect, increase the power of your flashes as well. Though this will increase the amount of time for the flash duration (assuming you’re using a speedlight, it’s reversed if you’re using monoblocs), it should not be to the point that it has an effect since you’re dealing with slow moving subject matter. I like your composition, but would maybe back things out a bit more, as it feels a little bit cramped to me. The posing seems very natural, as well.
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