There are 2 things about this shot that I notice immediately. Her shirt and skin appear to be overexposed (which can be good sometimes, but I don't like it here), and the background is a little distracting. If the DOF blurred the background so one could not identify what it was, then that would be ok.
I like this shot, even if it's corny... (okay just some humor to make you laugh and relax so you don't take the critiques too hard).
I think there are some exposure issues with areas a touch over exposed. I think some dodging/burning might draw out some highlights. Or perhaps push it even further and make it more of a high-key shot.
This is a pretty good entry. But I am still left asking...why is the model so expressionless? Perhaps part of that is she is looking right at you, this has the effect that her irises are pressed against the edge of her eyelids. Get her to look to the right of you and it will center her iris more and help to reduce the white space of her eyes. Perhaps adding more depth to her expression.
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