|Greetings from the Critique Club
You got a quite decent score for this image, but of course, it probably could have done much better. The idea was great but as 21.gif FromDaRock says, the execution isn't up to scratch. Having read your notes, I understand this was a candid moment and not staged, so it explains the lack of focus. For an image on DPC to do really well, it needs to be very sharp and I think this is what is missing here.
The lighting is quite good, but the left side of the frame is a bit blown out which is distracting attention away from the model.
Overall, well done image, but could have been better with a few minor adjustments