Make me blush... Not Safe For Work

12/08/2008 02:35:22 PM · #26

" mommy mommy - my foot hurts ! "

" shut up kid, or i'll nail your other foot to the floor ! "

12/08/2008 02:38:09 PM · #27

LOL LOL LOL

We're in rant now!!! Right On! ;)

The competition continues! More, more, more!!!

12/08/2008 02:39:15 PM · #28

did i say a bad word ?

12/08/2008 02:41:50 PM · #29

Originally posted by soup:

did i say a bad word ?

Nothing I wouldn't say...

Canon EF-S 10-22mm f/3.5-4.5 USM

12/08/2008 02:43:21 PM · #30

well that's relative i suppose then ...

digitalpins

Canon EOS-60D

12/08/2008 02:43:37 PM · #31

lol....so far I love the one Patrick told....lol

12/08/2008 02:44:53 PM · #32

Originally posted by digitalpins:

lol....so far I love the one Patrick told....lol

Me too, but this is going to be a tough choice come Friday...

12/08/2008 02:48:29 PM · #33

a whore walks into McDonalds, and asks the cashier to give her the usual.

so he gave her the big mac less the special sauce.

Chinabun

Canon PowerShot SD990 IS

12/08/2008 02:49:48 PM · #34

What's the difference between a woman and a refrigerator?
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A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.

Notroubles

Canon EOS-350D Rebel XT

Canon 12x IS USM (S3 IS built-in Lens) -- 36-432mm (35mm EQ)

12/08/2008 03:02:27 PM · #35

A man went to see his doctor and asked for a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he was concerned that that much would be dangerous. The man exlplained," My girlfriend is in town on friday, my ex is in town on Saturday and my wife is back in town on Sunday. After giving his patient his Viagra, he urged him to come in on Monday so that the doctor could check for side effects. When the man came in on Monday, he was wearing splints and slings on both arms. "What happened ?" exclaimed the doctor. The man replies, "No one showed up!"

Marc923

12/08/2008 03:09:49 PM · #36

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

GeneralE

Canon PowerShot S3 IS

12/08/2008 03:12:32 PM · #37

A hunky college football player went to a pharmacy one Friday and asked for three dozen condoms. Monday he storms back in saying "I asked you for three dozen rubbers, and you only gave me twenty-four."

"I'm so sorry sir," replies the pharmacist -- "I hope we didn't ruin your weekend."

shanksware

Canon EOS-5D

Canon EF 85mm f/1.2L II USM

12/08/2008 03:14:45 PM · #38

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There, I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied,

"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit."

Notroubles

Canon EOS-350D Rebel XT

12/08/2008 03:15:16 PM · #39

A farmer was having trouble with his hens and a friend told him to get a French rooster. The farmer searched around and found a young one. He put the rooster in with the hens, and he serviced all the hens several times the first day. The next day, the french rooster worked over the pigs and started on the goats. The farmer warned th rooster that he had better slow down or all that screwing was going to kill him. The third day the farmer went to the barnyard and discovered that not only were all his cattle raped, but his new Freench rooster was lying on his back in the middle of the yard with three big buzzards circling over him. The farmer walks toward the rooster and says "I told you that you were going to screw yourself to death!" The French rooster just cracks one eye open and says, "SHHH, zay are getting closer!"

Canon 12x IS USM (S3 IS built-in Lens) -- 36-432mm (35mm EQ)

12/08/2008 03:47:58 PM · #40

You guys (and gals) are the greatest! I can't wait to see what comes up throughout the week. Remember, this is a no holds barred, winner takes all competition. I know it's completely subjective, but I'll review the entire thread on Friday and choose a winner. So far it's all jokes, but remember, video and song are just as welcome (it doesen't have to be original).... Crack me up... make me leave the room with my ears covered out of embarassment, and win a couple of sweet slave flashes and (assuming you're "of age") a tasty treat...

GeneralE

Canon PowerShot S3 IS

12/08/2008 03:55:33 PM · #41

Originally posted by nickp37:

So far it's all jokes, but remember, video and song are just as welcome (it doesen't have to be original)....

OK, does anybody know who has the video of nick's last birthday party?

Canon EF 24-70mm f/2.8L USM

12/08/2008 04:02:44 PM · #42

Originally posted by GeneralE:

Originally posted by nickp37:
So far it's all jokes, but remember, video and song are just as welcome (it doesen't have to be original)....

OK, does anybody know who has the video of nick's last birthday party?

LOL! That would win in an instant! Thankfully I don't think such a video exists...

(I hope)

cptpoland

Canon EOS-5D

12/08/2008 05:32:46 PM · #43

What does a 90 year old woman taste like?
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Depends....

PhotoDave

Canon EF 70-200mm f/2.8L IS USM II

12/08/2008 05:33:14 PM · #44

Originally posted by nickp37:

Originally posted by GeneralE:

Originally posted by nickp37:
So far it's all jokes, but remember, video and song are just as welcome (it doesen't have to be original)....

OK, does anybody know who has the video of nick's last birthday party?

LOL! That would win in an instant! Thankfully I don't think such a video exists...

(I hope)

LOL yea good luck with that, this is 2008... What happens at parties, stays on youtube...

chromeydome

Nikon D7000

Nikon AF-S NIKKOR 24-70mm f/2.8G ED

12/08/2008 08:59:06 PM · #45

Guy comes home with a duck under his arm, says "this is the pig I've been sleeping with."

His wife says "that's not a pig, that's a duck!"

Guy says "I wasn't talking to you...."

Chinabun

Canon PowerShot SD990 IS

12/08/2008 10:26:09 PM · #46

lol thats nasty

Originally posted by cptpoland:

What does a 90 year old woman taste like?
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Depends....

Chinabun

Canon PowerShot SD990 IS

12/08/2008 10:47:48 PM · #47

LOL

Jingle Bell Cock

Canon EF 28-135mm f/3.5-5.6 IS USM

12/09/2008 01:51:53 AM · #48

Just a minor rules addendum. If the winner is from outside the US or Canada, The prize will need to be something online. DPC renewal/Amazon/iTunes... We'll work it out if this comes up.

TCGuru

Canon EOS-40D

12/09/2008 01:52:24 AM · #49

Little Johnny was in the hallway one morning and heard his parents arguing.

Dad: You BITCH!
Mom: You BASTARD!

Well, little Johnny had never heard these words before so he rushed into the room and asked, "Mommy, Daddy, what are bitches and bastards?"

Mom says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, honey. Now do go brush your teeth."

Later that day, he hears them arguing again.

Dad: You with your FLABBY TITS!
Mom: You with your SAGGY BALLS!

Again, little Johnny had never heard those words (and he was a curious lad) so he bounds into the room and asks, "Mommy, Daddy, what are flabby tits and saggy balls?!?"

Dad says, "Ummmm... hats and coats. Now go get dressed in your good clothes for Daddy's special dinner tonight. Remember, his boss is coming."

Johnny, all spiffed up and proud of himself for being a good boy, goes downstairs to ask his mom how his hair looks. She is in the kitchen carving a turkey. Right about the time he walks in, she cuts herself and yells, "FUCK!!"

Johnny says, "Mommy, what does fuck mean?"

Mom says, "It means to carve, son. Go bother your dad."

Johnny heads back upstairs to ask his dad how his hair looks. He is in the bathroom shaving. Right as Johnny steps through the door, dad nicks himself with his razor and mutters, "SHIT!"

Johnny says, "Daddy, what does shit mean?"

Dad says, "It means hair, son."

Just about that time, the doorbell rings.

Johnny screams, "I'll get it!!!!"

With gusto, the child flings open the door and says, "Good evening Bitches and Bastards! Allow me to take your Flabby Tits and Saggy Balls. Mother is in the kitchen fucking the turkey and father is upstairs shaving the shit off his face!"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One day, a wife was driving home from work and realized it was her husband's birthday. Oops, she hadn't gotten him anything!

She sees a pet store open and pulls into the parking lot. Thinking herself crazy, she realizes it's this or nothing because it is after 6pm and everything else is closed. So, she gets out and goes in.

The storekeeper greets her and asks how he can help.

"Well, Sir, it is my husband's birthday and I forgot to get him a gift. Do you have anything that is not too expensive and is easy to care for that you think he will like?"

The storekeeper smiles and says, "Ma'am, it's your lucky day. I have one left! You wait here, and I'll go get it."

She fidgets while she waits, wondering what she has gotten herself into. When the storekeeper returns, he has a giant frog in his hand.

"Here you go ma'am. She is the last one I have left and she will only cost you $300.00!"

The woman balked at the price. "THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!" she screams at the storekeeper. "Why would I pay Three hundred dollars for a FROG?!"

The shopkeeper smiled and said, "Well, ma'am, this is a very unusual frog. You see, it gives blowjobs. The best in the world, in fact."

The woman considered it for a few moments and decided that at least it got her off the hook for sex tonight if it worked, forked over the $300.00 and happily trouped out with her husband's gift.

After she arrived home and had a special dinner with her husband, she presented him with his gift and explained what it could do. She then told him to enjoy himself and that she would see him in the morning.

Around 2am, she awoke to the sound of pots banging together in the kitchen. She runs downstairs to see a cookbook open, the frog on the counter, and her husband looking intently at the cookbook.

She screams, "What are you DOING?!"

He very calmly looks at her and says, "Well, dear, if I can teach this frog to cook, you're history!"

Notroubles

Canon EOS-350D Rebel XT