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09/10/2008 12:35:55 PM · #1 |
I am primarily looking to rant & vent because the anguish I'm feeling is almost enouygh to make me be foolish.
Some stupid, pinhead boy kneed my daughter in the rear in the hall in school, "Passing it on" as stupid kids will do.
He broke her coccyx.
She's in pretty much pain, and three days after the fact and hoping it would get better, we finnally convinced her that it was okay for us to report this incident to the school.
We reported it to the principal and the vice principal in an e-mail....and upon their replying, it was mentioned in an assembly that this kind of behavior was forbidden and not to be tolerated. This has been less than three weeks ago that this edict was handed down.
So.....this kid, and my daughter were brought into the office, versions related, and parents informed. This resulted in my daughter being browbeaten by this boy and him constantly making snide remarks in class related to his injuring her.....always in a roundabout way, i.e., him bumping into someone then stating in a loud voice something like "Oh, did I break anything?". This was BEFORE her doctor's examination.
After a certain amount of this, my daughter responded to him that he was lucky that her parents hadn't filed assault charges, to which he replied, "Don't threaten me!".
So, yesterday afternoon, my daughter reluctantly let Mommy take her to the doctor since she was pretty miserable, and it was determined that in fact, she has a broken tailbone.
And this boy has shown ZERO signs of remorse and we haven't gotten so much as an "I'm sorry" from anyone.
In fact, this little sh*t went home and told his mother that my daughter was slamming his locker, pulling his shirt, and calling him a fag.
So *I* am off-the-charts-pissed!!!!!
My little princess got hurt by some stupid stunt in the hall by a boy who to this day shows no signs that he is even cognizant of what he's done, and he's trying to make it look like she's behaving aberrantly! This is so ludicrous it's beyond belief. My daughter is unhappy with all the negative attention, she just wants this little sh*t to leave her alone, and the concept of HER hazing him just makes me NUTS!!!!
Oh, and for those of you who know me, the idea of her calling him a fag just shows how stupid this kid is, since we're not only advocates of gay rights and attend a welcoming church.......she's already been harassed in the past because of her favorable stance on the matter.
As I said, I'm just looking to vent.......we're rapidly getting to the point where if we want to take legal action, it's bordering on being too long, and I'm just so frustrated that these people don't seem to care.
I just don't want to see anyone else get hurt by some stupid hallway prank. I would never have thought something like this could even happen. It's not like my daughter's frail.....she's been a cheerleader for two years and she's ridden horses, and in general always been an active kid.
I just don't know what to do.....I'm not sure that getting cops and lawyers involved will solve anything, but I also figure if these people don't give a sh*t, why shouldn't I make a hobby out of trying to make them suffer, too?
Anyhow.....thanks for being here so I don't snap at the school....I did talk to the assistant principal here a little while ago, and they are going to inform his mother that my daughter's tailbone is broken. He alluded to the mother possibly being too timid to call, but he said no to my query as to whether this woman is a single mother.
So....I suggested that if she's going to call, that she should call my wife. There hasn't been any mention of the father, and I do wonder about that a little.
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09/10/2008 01:01:17 PM · #2 |
What a stupid thing to do to someone. I particularly dislike this sort of thing (kids doing meaningless hurtful things to others). It brings me right back to 18 years ago ...
I would hope some kid with a conscience would put this douche-bag in his place.
My heart goes out to your daughter.
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09/10/2008 01:23:38 PM · #3 |
IMHO, as he's remorseless, he should be shown that there are consequences. Weekly visits to a school psychologist might help.
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09/10/2008 01:44:48 PM · #4 |
| Well I'm not sure what you should do. But I'm an advocate for not letting something like this rest. I don't know all the details of what the mother is like, but I think a common way to cope with a bad kid (if she does indeed give a shit, she might not, I dunno) is to just ignore it and hope things settle and go away. And I feel like people need to learn that things don't get settled like that... it doesn't work with bills and debts, why should it work with injuring others? It's crazy. |
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09/10/2008 01:51:04 PM · #5 |
| as far as not mentioning the father -- in most of the schools I've been in, we tend to communicate more with the mothers and grandmothers than fathers/grandfathers. Not sure why. (Communicate as in them initiating the contact AND us initiating it). So, it may not be anything more than that. |
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09/10/2008 01:51:06 PM · #6 |
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09/10/2008 01:56:37 PM · #7 |
| Grrr... that's a terrible situation. Maybe a pocket tape recorder could at least settle the matter of who's bullying whom? |
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09/10/2008 02:06:18 PM · #8 |
If dealing directly with the school doesn't work, perhaps contacting the local media would help. They could scramble your voice and mosaic your face in the interview to keep it anonymous.
Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of an incompetent administration like public scrutiny.
I'd get in touch with a lawyer too.
Message edited by author 2008-09-10 14:07:34. |
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09/10/2008 02:06:32 PM · #9 |
I feel for you with the "pass it on" thing.
My 12 year old got suspended today because when he tapped the kid next to him and said, "Pass it on." The kid said no and punched him (hard) in the arm. He is wearing a HUGE bruise on his right arm.
Because I tell my kids not to start a fight but also not to take it if someone hits them (being beat on is NOT an option), he punched the kid in the nose and probably broke it as I am told there was much blood lost by the other boy.
However, he has quite a shiner to show himself. Apparently, the other kid didn't want to play and decided that since my kid was smaller than him, he would retalliate. He got fury in return. My son is small for his age and we have been dealing with this kind of thing for years.
So, they suspended them both for 3 days for fighting. I believe the punishment was just and I also believe that other kids will now think twice in the future before hitting my kid again (hopefully).
We discussed what he could have done differently (i.e. NOT playing at all because it is a stupid game) and how it was, in fact, his fault for participating in the first place.
I gotta say though, I am proud of him for sticking up for himself. It is usually him that comes home in shambles and the other kid that walks away scott-free.
I do not advocate fighting, but I also am VERY adamantly against bullying.
So, now that I have burned you out with my speech, let me say that I feel for you and I hope your daughter is okay in the long run.
I, for one, am tempted to home-school.
ETA: 
Message edited by author 2008-09-10 14:41:32. |
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09/10/2008 02:22:48 PM · #10 |
Johnna, I wish I had been braver about "hitting back" the bullies when I was in school. I'm sorry your son got suspended, but as long as he didn't start the fight, but only showed that he wouldn't be picked on, I agree you can be proud of him.
Jeb, what is happening to your daughter really sucks. I don't blame you for being upset. Kids will be kids, but a broken coccyx is beyond horseplay.
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09/10/2008 02:37:06 PM · #11 |
I'm not sure that escalation is the right thing to teach a child.
At what point do you tell them enough is enough? When they bring a gun to school because the other kid brought a knife? |
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09/10/2008 09:29:46 PM · #12 |
First.....Wow, THANKS!!!!
I truly appreciate the caring and concern.......it's why I vented here in the first place. I do *NOT* want to make my daughter a pariah, so I came here first after I read the e-mail from the assistant principal and talked to my wife. I get REALLY upset when a slight to my little girl is apparent......and I know I need to rattle a little rather than just go and rip someone's throat out. So this was VERY helpful to have you guys here.
Oh....just to bring it in a little more real & personal so you can see who we're talking about, here's my princess at the mini-D.C GTG in June.....
[thumb]701069[/thumb]
She really is a parent's dream, even at 13, as she's bright, funny, personable, considerate, thoughtful, and just an all 'round nice person. I know, I know.....I'm the Daddy, but she just has so many friends and she crosses over so many boundaries at school and in her personal life that it's all but a free ride as a parent. Good grades, and a valued member of every team she's on just sort of rounds out the picture. (As near as Lisa and I can figure, ALL the bad stuff skipped a generation!)
Back to school......the assistant principal called both Eleanor and this boy in at the same time, and what do you know? All of a sudden, he's singing a different tune, and when Eleanor called him out in front of the assistant principal, he backed down and recanted entirely. He also FINALLY apologized.
Eleanor has sort of become a minor celebrity for being the stand-up kid that she is and not making a giant fuss, but sticking to her guns when the kid lied.
What I'm hoping is that he actually learned something.
I did talk to the assistant principal myself at lunchtime......and managed to only slightly lose my cool......not to a point where I screamed at him or anything, but I got pretty pointed with some of the non-commital liability-less rhetoric he was trying to use to get me to understand that they can't be responsible for the actions of other kids. He was trying to maintain that since this kid didn't have a history, and that this was kind of a first offense, suspending him wasn't reasonable. I pointed out to him that regardless of past history, this harmless hallway prank involved my daughter having a broken bone and is looking forward to no less than a month of pain. I told him that as far as I was concerned, that this was a matter of degree....it certainly doesn't carry the same weight to cut a class as it does to get busted for smoking a joint in the bathroom, so his perspective didn't hold water for me. He didn't really have much to say to that.
I did talk to the principal yesterday, and he was sympathetic, and he told me to do what I had to do.....he understood. The assistant is the man who usually gets to deal with the discipline issues. My kid's basically okay with where she stands right now, it's general knowledge in the school what this kid did, and I'll be checking in with the administration after this blows over somewhat and ask them if they've done any follow-up toward making this a zero-tolerance kind of thing from here on.....specifically, I'd like to see it instituted that if one kid injures another, they're out for at least a while. Eleanor's got to live with the consequences of this jerk's actions, why shouldn't he?
It might be a good time for me to get involved with the school board, and do some social action.
So.....I guess in deference to my daughter's ease of life at school, and the fact that I can trust her to come to us if an issue arises, the best course of action is level, forward progress, and perhaps we can institute something along the line of a hard and fast rule governing discipline for someone injuring another if they disobey a directive that is specifically called out to the student body at large.
Damn! I never thought as a child of the 60s/70s that I'd ever WANT to be a part of working within the establishment. Go figure.
Again, thank you one and all for your caring. I appreciate it so much.
I never saw anything about this kind of thing listed in the perks of membership.....8>)
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09/11/2008 01:49:59 AM · #13 |
EDIT: This whole post appears to be a day late and a dollar short. Good to hear you chuggin' on the peace train.
Message edited by author 2008-09-11 01:58:14. |
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09/11/2008 02:25:45 AM · #14 |
| Give her a big hug from us Jeb! I'm sorry that she got hurt, it's good to hear that she got her apology. I think you'd be great on the school board, it needs caring parents like you to become involved. |
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09/11/2008 03:13:11 AM · #15 |
kids!!!
i don't mean to detract from your situation but i had to mention this. i just read this tonight following an incident with my own daughter. i'm not going to go into the details but it included face-to-face smack talk, drama, attitude, punches thrown, calls for backup, more pounding, police involvement, trip to the school, etc... (i'm sure more developments tomorrow)... my daughter admits to being partially responsible for the fight but backed out before people started getting hit.
i feel for you dude. |
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09/11/2008 03:23:44 AM · #16 |
Write Name of Boy's Village here ----> |
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09/11/2008 05:27:51 AM · #17 |
Originally posted by Art Roflmao:
Write Name of Boy's Village here ----> |
Thanks, Art! I knew I could count on you!.....8>)
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09/12/2008 04:41:21 PM · #18 |
| Shes 13? Thats wild that nonsense like "pass it on" still goes on at 13. |
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09/12/2008 05:00:42 PM · #19 |
| Hey Jeb, glad it all worked out for you and your daughter. Hopefully this kid learned a lesson, and if he hasn't, it's only a matter of time before he picks on the wrong kid and learns it the hard way. |
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09/12/2008 06:39:53 PM · #20 |
| Sorry your daughter had to be subjected to this young moron... hopefully he was sincere in his apology. |
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