|
| Author | Thread |
|
|
05/20/2008 03:19:15 PM · #1 |
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no
> >>hope for you. I was crying by the end. Apparently, this is an actual
> >>account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas.
> >>
> >>Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to
> >>the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even
better.
> >>For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is.
> >>They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes
> >>around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San
> >>Antonio City Park.
> >>
> >>Judge ..3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was
> >>visiting from Springfield, IL.*/
> >>
> >>Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
> >>cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and
> >>I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for
> >>directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was
> >>assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
wouldn't
> >>be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer
> >>during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."
> >>
> >>
> >>Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
> >>
> >>CHILI .. 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
> >>
> >>Judge .. 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hel! l is thi s stuff?
You could
> >>remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
> >>flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
> >>
> >>
> >>CHILI .. 2 - ARIAL AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
> >>
> >>Judge .. 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
> >>seriously.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not
sure what
> >>I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
> >>wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in
more beer
> >>when they saw the look on my face.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>CHILI .. 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
> >>
> >>Judge .. 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My
nose feels
> >>like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.
> >>Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the
back, and
> >>now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting
@!&&-faced
> >>from all of the beer.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>CHILI .. 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
> >>
> >>Judge .. 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish
for fish
> >>or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
> >>unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?
Sally, the
> >>beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb.
> >>woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm
> >>eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>CHILI .. 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
> >>
> >>Judge .. 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
> >>adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.
Mustadmit
> >>the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my
forehead and
> >>I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me
> >>needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told
her that
> >>her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from
> >>bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I
wonder if
> >>I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other
judges
> >>asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>CHILI .. 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
> >>
> >>Judge .. 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good
balance of
> >>spices and peppers.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
> >>garlic. Superb
> >>
> >>Judge .. 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
> >>gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm
> >>worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to
stand
> >>behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to
> >>wipe my butt with a snow cone.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>CHILI .. 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...
> >>
> >>Judge .. 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
> >>peppers.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a
can of
> >>chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am
> >>worried about Judge .. 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress
as he is
> >>cursing uncontrollably.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,
and I
> >>wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
> >>sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
> >>chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full
of lava
> >>to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what
> >>killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful.
Screw it;
> >>I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck
it in
> >>through the 4-inch hole in my sto! mach.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>CHILI .. 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
> >>
> >>Judge .. 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili.
Not too
> >>bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
> >>
> >>Judge .. 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili.
Neither mild
> >>nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge ..3
farted,
> >>passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of
himself.
> >>Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have
> >>reacted to really hot chili?
> >>
> >>Judge .. 3 - No Report
> >
--
Cheers,
|
|
|
|
05/20/2008 03:27:41 PM · #2 |
| Heard that before, but it's still a good one, and oh-so true. I could be judge #3, with my wimpy tastebuds. |
|
|
|
05/20/2008 04:21:11 PM · #3 |
| had me crying - thanks for posting! |
|
|
|
Current Server Time: 09/08/2025 09:03:02 PM  |
Home -
Challenges -
Community -
League -
Photos -
Cameras -
Lenses -
Learn -
Help -
Terms of Use -
Privacy -
Top ^
DPChallenge, and website content and design, Copyright © 2001-2025 Challenging Technologies, LLC.
All digital photo copyrights belong to the photographers and may not be used without permission.
Current Server Time: 09/08/2025 09:03:02 PM EDT.
|
