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04/10/2008 06:16:42 PM · #1 |
I̢۪m in an ornery mood today, must be the burritos I ate earlier today. :P
Enjoy!
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They
are all ascending to Heaven, trying to enter the pearly gates past St.
Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jessica, have you ever had any contact with
a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the
tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The
Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had
any contact with a penis?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well
once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in
The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls; one girl
is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of
the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?" The girl
replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it
before Tiffany sticks her ass in it." |
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04/10/2008 06:18:02 PM · #2 |
you are sooooo going to hell!!! LOL ;P
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04/10/2008 06:58:19 PM · #3 |
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04/10/2008 07:00:13 PM · #4 |
An observant chap died one day and was waiting in a very long line for judgment. He noticed that some people, after they went through the line, were able to go through Heaven's Gates. Others were lining up behind Satan who was throwing most of them into the eternal fires of hell.
Every once in while, though, instead of tossing a poor soul into the fire, he would toss him/her to one side. After watching for hours, the fellow could not resist. He gave up his place in line and went over and tapped Satan on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, sir," he said. "I'm supposed to be in line for judgment, (he didn't want Satan to mistake him for someone who had already been condemned to hell) but I couldn't help but wonder why some of these people are being tossed aside instead of into the fires of hell?"
"Oh," Satan said with a snicker. "Those are Vermonters. These days they're too cold and wet to burnâ€Â¦..
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04/10/2008 07:13:41 PM · #5 |
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04/10/2008 07:25:43 PM · #6 |
Nice - heard it told with a group of nuns.
This was going round a long time ago (you'll know from what time period) but i just couldnt think of a nother protagonist to fit the bill, so to speak:
Clinton suddenly dies and is sent to heaven, but there has been a mix-up, Mother Theresa is in hell, so St Peter sorts it out with the Devil to exchange them. Clinton starts his way down the steps to his firey home for the next eternity and meets Mother Theresa coming up. "Oh, hi there" she says "terrible mix up really. Can't stay long, i'm in a hurry to meet the Virgin Mary". Clinton just smiles and says "Too late for that."
*groans* |
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04/10/2008 11:04:52 PM · #7 |
One day Hillary Clinton's driver, whilst driving on a country road runs into an old cows and unfortunately kills it.
"I really should go tell the farmer about this unfortunate turn of events" he says, and off he goes. While he is gone, Hillary works on a speech.
A while later, he returns to the car, holding a bottle of champagne, his clothing in disarray, and his face covered in lipstick.
"What happened to you?" says Hillary,
"Well he said... when I got to the farm house I told the farmer "I am Hillary Clinton's driver and I just killed the old cow... and well things just sort of took off from there."
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