A joke for the Kiwis - DPChallenge Forums

02/14/2008 05:40:24 PM · #1

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and he sees this Indian sitting on the side of the road with his dog, horse, and sheep.

The cowboy walks up to the Indian and says, "Hey, that's a cool dog. Mind if I speak to him."

The Indian looks up at the cowboy and says, "Dog...no...talk."

But the cowboy turns to the dog anyway and he says, "Hey dog. How's it going?"

The dog answers, "Doin' all right. Thanks for asking."

"Is this your owner?", the cowboy asks.

"Yep."

"Well, how's he treating you?"

The dog answers, "Real good. He walks me, he feeds me great food, he takes me to the lake to play."

The Indian is amazed at this point, and then the cowboy asks if he can talk to his horse.

Again the Indian says, "horse...no...talk."

But the cowboy turns to the horse and says, "Hey horse. How's it going?"

The horse replies, "I 'm doing good."

"Is this your owner?", says the cowboy.

"Sure is," answers the horse.

"Well how's he treating you?"

"Pretty good. Thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, he brushes me down, and keeps me in a nice warm barn with all the hay and straw I'd ever want."

The Indian is totally amazed, so when the cowboy turns to the sheep, the Indian is clearly worried.

The cowboy asks, "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

To which the Indian answers, "SHEEP LIE!"

Olympus 40-150mm f/3.5-4.5 Zuiko Digital

02/14/2008 05:42:16 PM · #2

LMAO!!

joynim

Olympus E-500 EVOLT

02/14/2008 05:42:51 PM · #3

Ha did'nt you know it's the Aussies who are overly fond of sheep!

JaimeVinas

Canon EOS-1D Mark IV

02/14/2008 05:51:04 PM · #4

And another joke for the Texans:

There was a German, an Italian and a Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:

1. to be shot
2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly).

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."

They gave him the shot, and the redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Redneck said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid.....I'm wearing a condom!"

Nikon AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.8D

02/14/2008 06:11:56 PM · #5

Originally posted by joynim:

Ha did'nt you know it's the Aussies who are overly fond of sheep!

Err sweetheart....we have the sheep but they are safe over here...they grow big and fat. Unfortunately it's the kiwis who have the reputation with the sheep...even the racehorses run fast over your way cause they heard what happens to the sheep!!!! Hehehehe!!

BTW...before anybody gets haughty...I am only joking with the Kiwis...it is an ongoing thing between the Aussies and the Kiwis...and anyways...my Dad has lived in Auckland for over 20 years....hehehehe!!

_eug

Nikon D50

02/14/2008 06:37:05 PM · #6

Originally posted by Judi:

Originally posted by joynim:
Ha did'nt you know it's the Aussies who are overly fond of sheep!

Err sweetheart....we have the sheep but they are safe over here...

Then why are the sheep nervous?

"Australia, where men are men, the women are men, and the sheep are nervous."

BeeCee

Nikon D40

Nikon AF-S DX Zoom-Nikkor 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 ED

02/14/2008 06:40:12 PM · #7

And I always thought it was the Scotsman, as in;

Why do Scots wear kilts?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards.

btw, I'm half Scot, so don't yell at me!)

02/14/2008 11:52:28 PM · #8

Originally posted by _eug:

Originally posted by Judi:

Originally posted by joynim:
Ha did'nt you know it's the Aussies who are overly fond of sheep!

Err sweetheart....we have the sheep but they are safe over here...

Then why are the sheep nervous?

"Australia, where men are men, the women are men, and the sheep are nervous."

Because Australia has become second home to many Kiwis....( I wonder if they thought the 'Stock Route' was an annual event!!!!) Hehehehe!

fotomann_forever

02/15/2008 12:10:31 AM · #9

Ya know

Brad is sensitive about the sheep issue. You guys show some respect.

02/15/2008 12:22:37 AM · #10

Darren Lockyer, the Pope, John Howard and a school boy were all on the same plane when the engine failed and started to plummet towards the Earth. They all realised that there was 4 of them and only 3 parachutes.

Darren Lockyer got up and said I am a sporting superstar and must live so that I can please my fans and continue my career to beat the Kiwis and the Poms in the tri- nations series. So he grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

Then John Howard got up and said I am the smartest Prime Minister Australia has ever had and I need to live to continue to govern the nation.

Then the Pope looked to the school boy and said I am old and have lived my life so you should take the last parachute.

The school boy replied, no it's ok, the world's smartest Prime Minister took my school bag so there's one for each of us!

edit for grammar, coz aussies can't speak proper

Message edited by author 2008-02-15 00:27:02.

Sigma 28-80mm f/3.5-5.6 Aspherical HF for Pentax

02/15/2008 12:27:14 AM · #11

Originally posted by fotomann_forever:

Ya know Brad is sensitive about the sheep issue. You guys show some respect.

Muuuuwwwwwwaaaaabbbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Pug-H

Pentax K10D

02/15/2008 12:36:44 AM · #12

Originally posted by rinac:

The school boy replied, no it's ok, the world's smartest Prime Minister took my school bag so there's one for each of us!

edit for grammar, coz aussies can't speak proper

In which case, it would be "there's one for both of us."

Also we won't mention your punctuation, or the fact that John Howard is no longer Prime Minister, or the fact this is another one of those jokes where you can change names and nationalities "as appropriate". :-P

joynim

Olympus E-500 EVOLT

Olympus 40-150mm f/3.5-4.5 Zuiko Digital

02/15/2008 12:37:02 AM · #13

Originally posted by rinac:

Hahahah good one ;)

02/15/2008 01:02:44 AM · #14

Originally posted by Pug-H:

Originally posted by rinac:

The school boy replied, no it's ok, the world's smartest Prime Minister took my school bag so there's one for each of us!

edit for grammar, coz aussies can't speak proper

In which case, it would be "there's one for both of us."

Also we won't mention your punctuation, or the fact that John Howard is no longer Prime Minister, or the fact this is another one of those jokes where you can change names and nationalities "as appropriate". :-P

lmao! That's what I get for copying from an old email...

02/15/2008 01:23:48 AM · #15

ok, just one more wee jab at the aussies...

A Jackeroo rides into town after months of rustling. He ties the horse out the front of the pub, dusts off his pants, and then walks around to the back of the horse and runs his lips along the crack of the horse's arse. He heads into the bar, and asks the barman for a glass of beer. The barman says, "Listen mate, can I just ask why you ran your lips along the crack of your horse's arse?". He replies, "I've got chapped lips". The barman replies, "does that cure them?". The jackeroo replies, "No, but it sure stops me licken 'em".

edit: dammit!

Message edited by author 2008-02-15 01:25:26.

02/15/2008 01:39:04 AM · #16

right, seriously only one more, then I'll go away... :D

Kiwi: "What's the difference between a cow and a bison?"
Aussie: "That's easy mate, ya can't wash ya hands in a cow"

Nikon AF-S DX Zoom-Nikkor 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 ED

02/15/2008 02:43:26 AM · #17

Originally posted by rinac:

right, seriously only one more, then I'll go away... :D

Kiwi: "What's the difference between a cow and a bison?"
Aussie: "That's easy mate, ya can't wash ya hands in a cow"

ROFLMFAO!!!

BeeCee

Nikon D40

02/15/2008 03:36:33 AM · #18

Originally posted by Pug-H:

Lol, if there's two left, then he's right with "each"; they don't both have to share one. :)

I was only told one Aussie joke while we were there;
Taxi drivers.

fotomann_forever

02/15/2008 10:32:14 AM · #19

Originally posted by rinac:

right, seriously only one more, then I'll go away... :D

Kiwi: "What's the difference between a cow and a bison?"
Aussie: "That's easy mate, ya can't wash ya hands in a cow"

Took me a minute, but damn that is funny!

Bugzeye

Fisher Price Kid-Tough Digital

02/15/2008 10:48:37 AM · #20

My wife is a Kiwi, Each time I have been there to visit, most of the Jokes I hear are tilted towards the Irish. Kind of like Polish Jokes in America, They do like to tease the Aussies a bit, Have heard alot of Kangaroo jokes. But they are good hearted and pick on themselves a bit also. Lots of Sheep Joke Tee-Shirts. New Zealand Where the Men are Men and the Sheep are Nervous etc...

I find all the jokes to be funny just because of the kiwi accent, but don't tell me wife I said that.

Message edited by author 2008-02-15 10:49:35.

JaimeVinas

Canon EOS-1D Mark IV