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01/04/2007 12:37:43 PM · #1 |
| hey guys - you all (DPC) are my stress relief from my very stressful job and i'm sure it's the same for others. Today i really need to laugh! who's got a funny story, joke or anectode for me?? Post it here!! |
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01/04/2007 12:43:15 PM · #2 |
A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?" She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!" and doing so draws an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?" In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!" The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!! |
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01/04/2007 01:07:29 PM · #3 |
ote ta chemise que'je rise.
Heard that at a jam at university 15 years ago. Still makes me laugh. Don't try to translate it online (french).
Cheers.
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01/04/2007 01:11:38 PM · #4 |
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01/04/2007 01:19:28 PM · #5 |
THE CAPE BRETON MOUNTIE
Two men are driving through Cape Breton when they get pulled over by a Mountie. The Mountie walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says,"What the hell was that for?" The Mountie says, "You're in Cape Breton my son. When we pulls you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The Mountie runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks him up side the head with the nightstick too.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?" The Mountie says,"Just making your wish come true." The passenger says,"Huh?" The Mountie says,"I knows that two miles down the road you're gonna say, "I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!"
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01/04/2007 01:20:24 PM · #6 |
OMG that is freaking hilarious!!!
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01/04/2007 01:22:57 PM · #7 |
Just a heads up for anyone else on a heavy duty work filter...that got caught in mine.
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01/04/2007 01:27:16 PM · #8 |
My face hurts!!!! Too funny!
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01/04/2007 01:28:17 PM · #9 |
I have to admit that was relly funny
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01/04/2007 01:31:04 PM · #10 |
redneck lens cleaner
redneck fish eye lens
If you haven't seen these, maybe this will get a smile.
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01/04/2007 01:32:00 PM · #11 |
Many years ago, there were 3 explorers who decided to check out the land north of the Great Lakes.
The land they discovered was beautiful and prosperous. And finding that it belonged to nobody, they decided to claim it. One night, around a warm campfire and lots of whiskey, they came up with a plan to name the land that they found. They all agreed that they will each choose one letter from the alphabet and that's what it's name will be.
The first stepped up and proclaimed, "C, eh!"
The second quietly said, "N, eh."
And the third, in a bout of genius, cried out. "D, eh!!"
And that's how it got it's name...so the story goes.
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01/04/2007 01:40:16 PM · #12 |
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01/04/2007 01:51:27 PM · #13 |
It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher decides to do taste association.
''I'll blindfold you and give you a lifesaver, and you tell me what flavor it is,'' she tells the children.
So she gives them all a cherry flavor, and says, ''What flavor is that?''
The whole class answers, ''Mmmm, that's cherry.''
''Very good,'' the teacher replies.
So she gives them all a grape and they reply, ''Mmm, that's grape.''
''Very good,'' she says again.
Then she gives them all a honey flavor. The whole class sits perplexed by the strange taste, so the teacher says, ''OK, I'll give you a hint, it's something your Mommy might call your Daddy.''
Billy spits his out on the floor and yells, ''Spit 'em out everyone, they're ASSHOLES!'' |
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01/04/2007 02:13:08 PM · #14 |
| Has any mentioned that you Brits have a STRANGE sense of humour? ;) |
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01/04/2007 02:28:15 PM · #15 |
Originally posted by Telehubbie:
...Billy spits his out on the floor and yells, ''Spit 'em out everyone, they're ASSHOLES!'' |
Hey! I did not!!!
(I said they're effing assholes!)
:) You could always go back & enjoy this thread
i mean what i mean
Message edited by author 2007-01-04 14:35:28. |
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01/04/2007 02:46:54 PM · #16 |
//youtube.com/watch?v=WM_YUj5dIvY
This is a kind of special christmas greading I made so all my friends all around the world could enjoy my sillyness :) don't know if you find it funny but anyways :) And yes i cleand my hands afterwards :P
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01/04/2007 02:52:26 PM · #17 |
Sally's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to work all day she told him; "I'll leave a key under the mat and when you're done just leave the bill on the counter. Oh and by the way don't worry about my dog, Spike, he'll just lay in the middle of the floor, but whatever you do, don't say anything to the parrot." The repair man said sure, whatever. "No." Sally said. "Whatever you do, under no circumstances should you say anything to the parrot."
"Okay, okay I won't say anything to the parrot."
The repairman showed up at the house and walked inside. Sure enough just as Sally had said in the middle of the floor lay the biggest, toughest looking bulldog he had ever seen. He walked in cautiously but the dog just lay there. As he pulled the dishwasher apart the parrot started calling him names and insulting him. After about an hour of the parrots incessant name calling and foul language the repairman couldn't take it anymore and screamed at the bird to shut up.
The parrot sat there on its perch for moment then said. "Get him Spike."
Message edited by author 2007-01-04 14:57:41.
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01/04/2007 02:57:46 PM · #18 |
Originally posted by Krisby:
//youtube.com/watch?v=WM_YUj5dIvY
This is a kind of special christmas greading I made so all my friends all around the world could enjoy my sillyness :) don't know if you find it funny but anyways :) And yes i cleand my hands afterwards :P |
Now I'm worried about you. lol |
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01/04/2007 02:59:39 PM · #19 |
Originally posted by Krisby:
//youtube.com/watch?v=WM_YUj5dIvY
This is a kind of special christmas greading I made so all my friends all around the world could enjoy my sillyness :) don't know if you find it funny but anyways :) And yes i cleand my hands afterwards :P |
You have no idea how good I feel at this moment knowing the world will soon be in the hands of young people like yourself. :)
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01/04/2007 06:57:25 PM · #20 |
| oh my, these are all funny! i got my giggle back! |
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01/04/2007 07:11:36 PM · #21 |
a christmas card from oz.. and you think the brits are wierd lol
enjoy
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02/16/2007 03:01:07 AM · #22 |
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after
graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he
came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg
raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very
carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the
elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in
it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the
thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant
gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the
man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at
him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen,
thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the
elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that
day. Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with
his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant
enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to
near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large
bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot
off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that
several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring
at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help
wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up
his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into
the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and
stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted
again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and
swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing
him.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
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02/16/2007 03:04:23 AM · #23 |
Very early morning, wife shouts from kitchen -
Yamamoto-san, I said ya, this cat drank all the milk in night.
Husband, very much in sleep shouts back -
I told yaa many times, wear a blouse when yaa sleep.
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03/24/2007 01:22:38 AM · #24 |
(one for JoJo) :P
Fishing with Boudreaux
Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done
run outta night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he
seen a snake wit a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem
big bass fish like frogs, so he decides to steal dat
froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin,
so Boudreaux had to be real careful or he'd get bit.
He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid.
Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and
wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself
free. But Boudreaux, him, hada real good grip on his haid,
yeh. Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog
and puts it in his bait can.
Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's
gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de
back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a
Tennessee hillbilly moonshine likker. He pour some drops
into de snakes mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back
in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss
dat snake into de bayou, den he goes back to fish'n.
A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin' on his
barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dere be dat cotton
moufed water moccasin, wif two more frogs.
Life is Good! |
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03/24/2007 01:25:43 AM · #25 |
Ever wonder why the frisbee keeps getting bigger, and then it hits you?
Message edited by author 2007-03-24 01:40:06.
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