The continuing saga of Brad vs. Brother-in-Law

Sony 24-70mm F4 Vario-Tessar T* FE OSS

12/20/2006 04:02:19 PM · #1

Oh the joy the Holidays bring....

About 6 1/2 years ago, when I was working for my brother-in-law, and got engaged to Dawn in 2000 (who was his office manager at that time), I got the phone call saying my services were no longer needed. My employer, and soon to be brother-in-law is such a control freak that he has to be the matriarch of the family empire, being a business owner, etc and when I suddenly shoe-horned my way into his domain, he couldn't deal with it. We actually were very good friends before that (thought anyway), would do things together off-hours and I was his go-to guy at the shop, always being the guy that could get it fixed, stayed up on the eduction, everything that in turn made his business better - I pretty much walked on water at his shop. Since being fired, and getting married to his favorite sister-in-law, I may as well have molested his Mom the way he's treated me. The issues have never gone away, as whenever there is a family get-together, there's enough tension in the room to choke an elephant.

Christmas is a big deal to Dawn's family - all 5 sisters & their families plus her Mom. Every year, the family pretty much did Christmas day at a sort of neutral ground house of one of her sisters. Last year was such joy, as my brother-in-law has such control over his wife (Dawn's older sister), that if he is in the room, she won't so much as make eye contact with me, and is very distant to Dawn. When he isn't around, his wife is friendly, talks to me, etc. Last year was bad enough that I pretty much hung around outside, gargage, wherever, just so I would be out of the scene.

This year, Christmas couldn't happen at the usual place and had to be at my house or my brother-in-law's. If it was at our house, he was not coming, though the invitation was there - I have no issues with it. If it will be at his house, I am under no conditions allowed there. Guess what - yup - it's going to be at his house, and Christmas will be sans Brad. The whole family is fed up with the crap and was nearly called off.

Oh the joys of the Holidays. Think I'm going to go to Las Vegas and see my daughter.

Ho freakin Ho :))

Bear_Music

Samsung Galaxy S24 Ultra

12/20/2006 04:11:14 PM · #2

Must be the water in San Diego. That story's not all that different than the one about my ex and her identical twin sister (the evil twin), at least as regards holiday venues and the sick sense of being unfairly left out.

I would ask, somewhat bitterly, "Has your wife no balls?", but that's just my bitterness speaking up :-(

R.

posthumous

Canon EOS-40D

Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 II

12/20/2006 04:12:15 PM · #3

Originally posted by BradP:

Think I'm going to go to Las Vegas and see my daughter.

I think that's a great idea.

glad2badad

Apple iPhone 16 Pro

Lensbaby Sweet 35 Optic

12/20/2006 04:14:03 PM · #4

Wow. What a mess. All because you married his sister? Did he (does he still) have something to hide that was going on with the business - you know something that he was worried you'd find out about because your wife is his office manager?

I take it your wife (his sister) has tried to put him in his place to no avail?

Do you have kids that get pulled into this? (I hope not)

Sorry. Not my business, but it's hard not to wonder...

Hope it all works out for you eventually.

edit - oops, overlooked the going to Vegas to see your daughter line.

Message edited by author 2006-12-20 16:15:25.

Stagolee

Kodak Easyshare C180

Canon EF 50mm f1.2L

12/20/2006 04:14:06 PM · #5

Brad I feel for your situation. I'm in a similiar position. Christmas for me can be a real stressfull time.. but you know what they say... You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.

Canon EF 17-40mm f/4.0L USM

12/20/2006 04:21:15 PM · #6

Originally posted by glad2badad:

I did come to find out after the fact, that she was going to have part ownership of the shop, and had for years, wanted his manager of 20 years to get together with her and that way he could pass on the "family" auto shop, as he had no kids of his own.

Originally posted by glad2badad:

I take it your wife (his sister) has tried to put him in his place to no avail?

Like talking to a wall.

Originally posted by glad2badad:

Do you have kids that get pulled into this? (I hope not)

My kids, 22 & 21 see through it all and never cared for any of it. Dawn & I have none between us - whew!
Both my kids are on their own and wanna slap him :))

Originally posted by glad2badad:

Sorry. Not my business, but it's hard not to wonder...

No problem.
I've pretty much had my fill of the whole thing anyway.

What's really sad, is that Jon & I were friends. I co-hosted his radio show with him on a number of occasions. I taught him about computers, building them, upgrading them, etc. I'd get a call from him like "Hey - got an extra steak - you hungry?" and would wander over to his house and have dinner. The last year or so working for himn was a bit stressed, as I was going places in the auto industry, had acheived national recognition, was nationall published, was brought into the ASE-certified Technician panel of experts to write and re-write the national certification tests, was San Diego's number one website auto host, and on and on. I think he felt I had passed him by and he was losing his being the expert around. Guess instead of being proud to employ one of teh industry's best, he took it as a threat.

Message edited by author 2006-12-20 16:28:34.

Judi

Canon EOS-5D Mark III

12/20/2006 04:23:05 PM · #7

Brad...I hear ya. Christmas is meant to be a time of forgiving and family. Well, due to a bust up over 2 years ago and me telling my sisters a few home truths...I am no longer a part of the family. My mother speaks to me...although that wasnt the case in the first year....so Christmas and birthdays are generally non existent where they are involved. Fortunately I don't live in the same state as anyone in my family so I don't have to cross paths...but still it is sad.

Two years ago my Dad flew over from New Zealand to spend Christmas with me...but this had to be kept top secret from my sisters as we knew what would happen. And sure enough, when they did find out they felt that he should have given his air ticket money to them so they could spend it instead. That was the first Christmas with my Dad in 25 years.

So ya Brad...Christmas sucks...it brings out the worst in people. So you know what the best thing to do is. Remember that your true family are the friends you choose. And make your own Christmas with them.

That is what we are doing this year...we are spending it with friends....they are my family.

Spork99

OM System OM-1

Canon EF 100mm f/2.8 USM Macro

12/20/2006 04:57:45 PM · #8

Sounds like a bad deal for all concerned. It's none of my business, but why is your wife going at all?

I can tell you this much, if my spouse is not welcome somewhere, then I don't consider myself welcome either. It's a package deal.

12/20/2006 04:59:35 PM · #9

Glad you had a chance to spend a Christmas with your Dad Judi, but shame it has to be under "conditions". Family is such joy.
From everything I have heard, it gets 10x worse when there's a death of a parent and the siblings become vultures in a cut-throat mine mine mine war.
:(

I just realized the upside to my saga though - I don't have to dig all the boxes out of the garage attic and decorate the house - whew!

Message edited by author 2006-12-20 17:00:05.

Canon EF 100mm f/2.8 USM Macro

12/20/2006 05:03:09 PM · #10

Originally posted by Spazmo99:

I insisted.
Her Nieces (8 of em) are very important to her, this may be her Mom's last Christmas (health issues and is 87) and she does all the baking - cookies, candies, etc. No sense disrupting any more than is already done.

Spork99

OM System OM-1

12/20/2006 05:04:39 PM · #11

Originally posted by BradP:

Originally posted by Spazmo99:
Sounds like a bad deal for all concerned. It's none of my business, but why is your wife going at all?

I can tell you this much, if my spouse is not welcome somewhere, then I don't consider myself welcome either. It's a package deal.

I insisted.
Her Nieces (8 of em) are very important to her, this may be her Mom's last Christmas (health issues and is 87) and she does all the baking - cookies, candies, etc. No sense disrupting any more than is already done.

Then enjoy your Brad time.

Art Roflmao

Canon EOS-6D Mark II

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0L IS

12/20/2006 05:05:37 PM · #12

and where exactly is your brother-in-law's village, Brad? >:/

Sorry to hear. I hate the holidays for these reasons as well. Always had family holiday issues with my first wife since her parents were divorced.

Is your wife's father in the picture? Can't he slap some sense into his son-in-law? (not you, the other guy. although...)

Have a blast in Vegas!

fotomann_forever

12/20/2006 05:09:02 PM · #13

Enjoy your time with your daughter Brad.

Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0L IS

12/20/2006 05:10:30 PM · #14

Nah - her Dad has been out of the picture for about 40+ years. My brother-in-law kinda' took it on himself to try and be a father figure I think. No matter - conscience should be their guide.
Might learn about Vegas' new slogan - what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas.
:)

Hey voters - whur's all the sympathy votes???
*laughing on that one*

Message edited by author 2006-12-20 17:11:58.

ShutterPug

Canon EOS-6D

12/20/2006 05:18:58 PM · #15

Brad I feel for you. I have an older sister who I never got along with growing up and her husband will only speak to me if she isn't anywhere within eyesight or earshot. My sister will not speak to me because she hates my mom and I won't blow my mom off the way she did. She has two kids that my mom and I never get to be part of their lives.

Holidays have always been a bit stressful at my Mom's as my other sister (I have 2) will come for a few hours but do nothing other than run my mom down the entire time. I thought I would be so happy this year having moved to Alaska and being far from it all. Instead, I am finding myself struggling with some serious depression since this is the first Christmas I will be all by myself - no family, no friends, - the first away from my daughter which hurts the most. I volunteered to work the holiday so I wont be sitting home by myself.

Go to your daughters and enjoy the holiday. She'll probably love having you there.

{{{{hug}}}}

NathanWert

Canon EOS-90D

Sigma 18-250mm f/3.5-6.3 DC OS HSM

12/20/2006 05:22:23 PM · #16

Brad...spend some quality time with your kid. In the process try and win millions from the casinos, they have more than enough to spare. *grin*

If it means anything..."I hope you have a Merry Christmas with your daughter."