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05/19/2006 10:26:22 AM · #2576 |
| gee waz i thought you were going to kill this thread? i guess your no sniper are you?lol |
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05/19/2006 10:27:06 AM · #2577 |
Originally posted by alfresco:
I was sick and tired of everything
When I called you last night from Glasgow |
So it was YOU! - What about the restraining order?
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05/19/2006 10:28:09 AM · #2578 |
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
Quit killing my thread with those long posts :-P One liners and potty humor only... LOL |
Potty humor ...
Pollution
Tom Lehrer (1965)
Time was when an American about to go abroad would be warned by his friends or the guidebooks not to drink the water. But times have changed, and now a foreigner coming to this country might be offered the following advice:
If you visit American city,
You will find it very pretty.
Just two things of which you must beware:
Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!
Pollution, pollution!
They got smog and sewage and mud.
Turn on your tap
And get hot and cold running crud!
See the halibuts and the sturgeons
Being wiped out by detergents.
Fish gotta swim ... and birds gotta fly,
But they don't last long if they try.
Pollution, pollution!
You can use the latest toothpaste,
And then rinse your mouth
With industrial waste.
Just go out for a breath of air
And you'll be ready for Medicare.
The city streets are really quite a thrill -
If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
Pollution, pollution!
Wear a gas mask and a veil.
Then you can breathe,
Long as you don't inhale!
Lots of things there that you can drink,
But stay away from the kitchen sink!
The breakfast garbage that you throw into the Bay
They drink at lunch in San Jose.*
So go to the city,
See the crazy people there.
Like lambs to the slaughter,
They're drinking the water
And breathing [cough] the air!
*This version is from the San Francisco performance |
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05/19/2006 10:30:09 AM · #2579 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
*This version is from the San Francisco performance |
Are you turning all intellectual on us?
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05/19/2006 10:36:24 AM · #2580 |
| Ever notice how people, especially politicians, love to disagree with people who are officially designated as "intellectual" or -- gasp -- "intelligent"? |
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05/19/2006 10:47:12 AM · #2581 |
My Favorite by him.
TOM LEHRER - SMUT
I do have a cause though. It is obscenity. I'm for it. Unfortunately the civil liberties types who are fighting this issue have to fight it owing to the nature of the laws as a matter of freedom of speech and stifling of free expression and so on but we no what's really involved: dirty books are fun. That's all there is to it. But you can't get up in a court and say that I suppose. It's simply a matter of freedom of pleasure, a right which is not guaranteed by the Constitution unfortunately. Anyway, since people seem to be marching for their causes these days I have here a march for mine. It's called...
Smut!
Give me smut and nothing but!
A dirty novel I can't shut,
If it's uncut,
and unsubt- le.
I've never quibbled
If it was ribald,
I would devour where others merely nibbled.
As the judge remarked the day that he
acquitted my Aunt Hortense,
"To be smut
It must be ut-
Terly without redeeming social importance."
Por-
Nographic pictures I adore.
Indecent magazines galore,
I like them more
If they're hard core.
(Bring on the obscene movies, murals, postcards, neckties,
samplers, stained-glass windows, tattoos, anything!
More, more, I'm still not satisfied!)
Stories of tortures
Used by debauchers,
Lurid, licentious, and vile,
Make me smile.
Novels that pander
To my taste for candor
Give me a pleasure sublime.
(Let's face it, I love slime.)
All books can be indecent books
Though recent books are bolder,
For filth (I'm glad to say) is in
the mind of the beholder.
When correctly viewed,
Everything is lewd.
(I could tell you things about Peter Pan,
And the Wizard of Oz, there's a dirty old man!)
I thrill
To any book like Fanny Hill,
And I suppose I always will,
If it is swill
And really fil
thy.
Who needs a hobby like tennis or philately?
I've got a hobby: rereading Lady Chatterley.
But now they're trying to take it all
away from us unless
We take a stand, and hand in hand
we fight for freedom of the press.
In other words,
Smut! (I love it)
Ah, the adventures of a slut.
Oh, I'm a market they can't glut,
I don't know what
Compares with smut.
Hip hip hooray!
Let's hear it for the Supreme Court!
Don't let them take it away!
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05/19/2006 10:50:40 AM · #2582 |
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05/19/2006 10:51:58 AM · #2583 |
If we took a holiday
Took some time to celebrate
Just one day out of life
It would be, it would be so nice
Everybody spread the word
Were gonna have a celebration
All across the world
In every nation
Its time for the good times
Forget about the bad times, oh yeah
One day to come together
To release the pressure
We need a holiday
(chorus)
You can turn this world around
And bring back all of those happy days
Put your troubles down
Its time to celebrate
Let love shine
And we will find
A way to come together
And make things better
We need a holiday
(chorus)
Holiday celebrate
Holiday celebrate
(chorus)
Holiday celebrate
Holiday celebrate
Holiday, celebration
Come together in every nation
YIPPIEEEEEEE!! :D:D:D
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05/19/2006 10:54:55 AM · #2584 |
You can quote Madonna, but do you have a cone-shaped bra?
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05/19/2006 10:55:40 AM · #2585 |
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05/19/2006 10:57:33 AM · #2586 |
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05/19/2006 10:59:55 AM · #2587 |
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05/19/2006 11:03:45 AM · #2588 |
87 bottles of wine, take one down, pass it around
86 bottles of wine on the wall... |
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05/19/2006 11:08:32 AM · #2589 |
Take one down and pass it around............
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05/19/2006 11:18:21 AM · #2590 |
The thread killer is here to stop this lameness.
Die Die Die Die
Thrill Kill! |
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05/19/2006 11:28:59 AM · #2591 |
Originally posted by biteme:
One day to come together
To release the pressure |
For sure.
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05/19/2006 11:30:09 AM · #2592 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Ever notice how people, especially politicians, love to disagree with people who are officially designated as "intellectual" or -- gasp -- "intelligent"? |
That's because intelligent people are all liberals.
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05/19/2006 11:34:15 AM · #2593 |
Originally posted by jhonan:
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Ever notice how people, especially politicians, love to disagree with people who are officially designated as "intellectual" or -- gasp -- "intelligent"? |
That's because intelligent people are all liberals. |
Conservatively speaking
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05/19/2006 11:34:44 AM · #2594 |
Originally posted by jhonan:
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Ever notice how people, especially politicians, love to disagree with people who are officially designated as "intellectual" or -- gasp -- "intelligent"? |
That's because intelligent people are all liberals. |
Haven't you ever wonder why that is? Doesn't that make "conservatism" a a stupid idea? |
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05/19/2006 11:37:38 AM · #2595 |
Hello everyone and good morning! I trust all is well in your worlds. I wish for all this day happiness and joy because TGIF.
P.S. Let's kill this thing!
:-P |
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05/19/2006 11:38:37 AM · #2596 |
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Originally posted by jhonan:
Originally posted by GeneralE:
Ever notice how people, especially politicians, love to disagree with people who are officially designated as "intellectual" or -- gasp -- "intelligent"? |
That's because intelligent people are all liberals. |
Haven't you ever wonder why that is? Doesn't tha
t make "conservatism" a a stupid idea? |
ROFLMAO
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05/19/2006 11:43:23 AM · #2597 |
| I slack there for I am... |
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05/19/2006 11:46:25 AM · #2598 |
Originally posted by thegrandwazoo:
I slack there for I am... |
Amen Brother Slacker!
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05/19/2006 11:47:18 AM · #2599 |
FRENCH GUARD:
Allo! Who is eet?
ARTHUR:
It is King Arthur, and these are my Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
FRENCH GUARD:
This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard.
ARTHUR:
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
FRENCH GUARD:
Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
ARTHUR:
What?
GALAHAD:
He says they've already got one!
ARTHUR:
Are you sure he's got one?
FRENCH GUARD:
Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (I told him we already got one.)
FRENCH GUARDS:
[chuckling]
ARTHUR:
Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?
FRENCH GUARD:
Of course not! You are English types-a!
ARTHUR:
Well, what are you, then?
FRENCH GUARD:
I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?!
GALAHAD:
What are you doing in England?
FRENCH GUARD:
Mind your own business!
ARTHUR:
If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!
FRENCH GUARD:
You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!
GALAHAD:
What a strange person.
ARTHUR:
Now look here, my good man--
FRENCH GUARD:
I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
GALAHAD:
Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
FRENCH GUARD:
No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!
[sniff]
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05/19/2006 11:47:44 AM · #2600 |
Originally posted by thegrandwazoo:
I slack there for I am... |
... for you are -- what? I slack here ... |
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