|
| Author | Thread |
|
|
05/06/2006 01:23:57 AM · #1 |
5 1/2 years ago on 12/07/2000 I wrote a letter to Melissa and it went like this:
Dear Melissa,
I can't begin to express my feelings today. When you sang your solo tonight you never turned and looked at me so you missed the tears that were running down my cheeks. You didn't see the pride in my eyes. You didn't see the joy I felt as I listened to you sing with confidence.
All day long I've been thinking back over time, thinking about the first time I held you in my arms. The first time I looked in your crystal blue eyes and knew that from that moment in time I was your Mom.
Remembering the first time you spent the night at your Aunt's house. How I only got 100 feet out of her house and the guilt I felt for leaving you there. It was only for one night but it was an eternity to me. I called every hour until your Aunt threatened me with my very life.
I remember the time I accidentally locked you in the apartment and ended up calling the police to break down the door. When I raced past the officer to find you covered in blood, the fear, the terror that went through my heart and the relief when we found it was just a small cut on your little pinky. The inadequacy I felt as a parent at that moment. I called your Grandmother to come and get you. I told her I was not fit to be a parent and she had to do it. She came and told me stories of my childhood to make me realize I was your mother and no matter what we were in this for the long haul.
I remember the pure happiness you seemed to feel when you would dance and sing with your Barney videos. You would get so excited when you got all the words right.
I remember the first day of Kindergarten in Montana. You took off like a shot, no looking back. I wasn't ready to let you go, but you were so ready to fly on your own.
The confidence you tried to show every time we had to change schools from moving. But I also saw the fear you tried to hide when we told you we would be moving again.
I remember the long bus trip here, how well you behaved despite the fact we had just turned your life upside down. Made you leave all your friends and everything you knew. How you wanted to go to school the very next morning. How eager you were to start anew and make new friends. The stability you so desperately wanted and seemed to have finally found here.
Now I have the memory of you singing your very first solo. I have the memory of you practicing so hard for the 3 weeks before hand, of you making yourself so nervous the morning of the concert that you fainted, the memory of you standing by the microphone looking so confident and proud that you were chosen. I have the memory of you making me the proudest mother in that auditorium and wanting to stand up and cheer and yell, âTHAT'S MY BABY!â
But you have to promise me one thing. YOU CAN NEVER DO THIS AGAIN! MY NERVES CAN'T TAKE IT! :)
Love,
Your Mommy
Okay, just kidding on that last line........... I think ;-)
Well today my first born, my first baby, my beautiful 6' (yes, you read that right she is officially 6 feet tall now) girl Melissa made me want to shout to the world how proud I was of her. So here we go again:
Dear Melissa,
These past couple of weeks have been very hard on you. Going through all the stress at school, the feelings of loneliness, of betrayal from people you thought you could trust, the feeling of not being able to control anything. The bad dreams, the mood swings, everything you have gone through and yet over the past week I have watched you with a growing pride and sense of joy that is hard to explain. I have watched you pull yourself up, start to put yourself back on track and realize just how special you are. That it doesn't matter who likes you or doesn't like you, it doesn't matter if you're wearing the latest styles and it doesn't matter if you don't have perfect hair or a perfect face. What matters is what is inside of you and what you choose to do with that talent, that drive and that intelligence that sometimes simply amazes me.
I have watched you try to control yourself more, though there have been lapses, but that's okay, we are all human. I have watched you take your small victories and rejoice over them and I have watched you grow before my very eyes over this past week, not just physically (by the way, you can stop anytime now) but emotionally and mentally as well.
Tonight was the perfect ending to you week. You were nervous, so was I but we both hid it well and managed to get through it once more. You practiced every day with a dedication I had not seen before, you were determined to succeed in this endeavor no matter what and succeed you did.
Tonight you went to Newfield for a state evaluation for your flute playing. You practiced your scales, you practiced your piece and you worried like mad over your sight reading test (I know as well as you that you hate to sight read without hearing the tune). As I sat in the gym with you, by the outside doors and listened to you warm up I was reminded of scenes from the movie "Fame" where all the kids are doing something different but they are each in their own world. You warmed up and as I listened I silently prayed that you were getting all the nerves out during the practice because you sounded really bad at times. You knew it as well and I was honest with you. We talked, we laughed, we felt the cool air come in from the open doors and you never once got mad, upset or angry. You stayed calm, composed and acted with such dignity I was simply amazed once again by how much you had grown.
When you walked in front of me to do your testing I didn't see my little baby in my arms anymore, I didn't see the scared 3rd grader who fainted in the bathroom on the morning of her solo, I didn't see the angry, mad teenager that was in my house just last week. I saw my daughter getting ready to put her all into a talent that comes so naturally to her that at times I'm jealous yet so proud at the same time.
I saw you as a young lady who was literally growing before my eyes. Then the time came, crunch time. Into the room you went, by yourself, ready to test your skills. I stood outside the door, sending you all the positive energy I could, trying to keep the negative energy away.
You started to play, you did the scales first. I listened and I worried. Okay, one set down, two to go. Okay, second set, oops, slight glitch there, no biggie though, onto the third. Third set of scales, oh no, another glitch, you're getting nervous, don't get nervous. You can do this!
I stood next to the door and I glanced in. You were looking over your solo piece and I could see you start to do the fingering on your flute. Good, you can do this, please remember what I told you in the gym right before we went up, "You may not realize this but you do know this piece, you know it better than you realize and now you are ready to not only play it with your hand and head but with your heart as well. Put some of your heart into this one baby, you'll do great, I know you will."
As I stood outside that door and you started your piece I closed my eyes and was transported to another world. I listened with my heart as well and when you finished it took everything I had not to scream out loud, "YOU DID IT!! IT WAS PERFECT!!!" You nailed that piece six ways to Sunday. I was so proud of you! I looked in and you glanced over at the door and the smile on your face told me that you also knew you did it right, you hit every note, kept the tempo, you soared with your heart and soul with that song and it showed. I gave you a thumbs up and a HUGE smile to show my support and admiration.
But now the tough part, the 8 bars of sight reading. "You can do this, you can do this, you can do this." I repeated over and over in my mind and under my breath but not daring to look. When I did finally glance I saw you again, fingering the notes while the judge wrote up your score from your solo piece. "YES!" I thought, "That's it girlfriend, do it again and again until you know it."
And then you played. I was amazed and so proud again. One slight hiccup in the middle but again, every note, very beat, you were spot on.
Just so you know for sure, even though I told you when you came out, it took every ounce of my self control not to yell, "YES!! THAT IS MY GIRL IN THAT ROOM!"
And when you came out I could tell you knew you did well, you did it right and you were on the most natural high in the world, the high that comes from hard work, dedication and perseverance and in the end you play with your heart and your soul and the music just soars from your fingertips.
I won't tell you never to do it again because of nerve wracking as it is for both of us, it's so worth it for the feeling of watching you carry yourself with a confidence and pride that has been missing. To see you so happy with yourself and your abilities and to be able to shout, "MY DAUGHTER ROCKS!!!" when we got home and have some neighbor answer, "YES SHE DOES!" :)
I love you girl, no matter what.
Love,
Mom |
|
|
|
05/06/2006 02:22:31 AM · #2 |
|
|
|
05/06/2006 03:06:23 AM · #3 |
Very moving. It's amazing how quickly they grow up! I often look at my daughter & son and think back to when they were born, how I felt then and how I feel now. I am so proud of them and I could not begin to explain how much love I feel for them.
Thanks for sharing
Mike
Message edited by author 2006-05-06 07:08:15.
|
|
|
|
05/06/2006 03:15:04 AM · #4 |
So awesome. Really, you must be an amazing mother. Wish my mom ever told me the same things.
|
|
|
|
05/06/2006 03:16:46 AM · #5 |
Can someone pass me a tissue?
|
|
|
|
05/06/2006 03:18:06 AM · #6 |
| ...she's a lucky daughter, to have you as her mother. A written tribute like this will do so much, for her self esteem. It speaks of a very close relationship between you. |
|
|
|
05/06/2006 12:10:40 PM · #7 |
Thank you everyone. I'm the blessed one here, I truly am.
Deannda |
|
|
|
05/06/2006 12:14:02 PM · #8 |
Originally posted by fotomann_forever:
Can someone pass me a tissue? |
Real me don't need tissues. Real men use their sleeves. lol |
|
|
|
Current Server Time: 11/26/2025 10:25:17 AM  |
Home -
Challenges -
Community -
League -
Photos -
Cameras -
Lenses -
Learn -
Help -
Terms of Use -
Privacy -
Top ^
DPChallenge, and website content and design, Copyright © 2001-2025 Challenging Technologies, LLC.
All digital photo copyrights belong to the photographers and may not be used without permission.
Current Server Time: 11/26/2025 10:25:17 AM EST.
|
