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12/12/2005 09:37:43 AM · #1 |
| Does that have Shannon Calvert's name written all over it or what? |
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12/12/2005 09:41:14 AM · #2 |
It's like "we're going to create a macro challenge cuz Jacko hasn't ribboned this month" or a nude so grigri and DrJOnes can fight it out while we bang around for top 10.
*le sigh*
Imma try to beat him at his own game.
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12/12/2005 09:43:06 AM · #3 |
Lots of people will "try" to do Shannon knock-offs no doubt.
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12/12/2005 09:46:58 AM · #4 |
| Am I the only one who drams that someone will mistake one of my photos for one of Shannon's? |
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12/12/2005 10:05:14 AM · #5 |
| I have an idea.... if this works its gonna rock! Just need to do one quick shopping trip! :) |
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12/12/2005 10:07:32 AM · #6 |
Well, you KNOW I'm gonna try! My entry in Humor II was embarrassing. I won't suffer the same humiliation THIS time!
(It'll probably be an all-new humiliation) ;-) |
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12/12/2005 10:28:25 AM · #7 |
Crap...I just entered a visual pun...
*sighs*
Oh kay, I admit it! 1/2 of my entries are visual puns! |
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12/12/2005 10:32:24 AM · #8 |
I can not talk for the other non native speakers but I have to do some homework before I get it.
First time I had to check this word in the dictionary and sincerely I didn't get the examples .
pun=the use of words or phrases to exploit ambiguities and innuendoes in their meaning, usually for humorous effect; a play on words. An example is: "Ben Battle was a soldier bold, And used to war's alarms: But a cannonball took off his legs, So he laid down his arms." (Thomas Hood)
Collins English Dictionary
I screwed the Waldo one for the same reason...
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12/12/2005 10:44:05 AM · #9 |
Washington Post reader contest 2004
reader submissions published by The Washington Post
The Washington Post annually publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries in this year's contest:
coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon
flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained
abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk
willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie
lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp
gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash
flatulence (n.), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline
testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam
rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you
oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions
circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts
frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there
pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist
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12/12/2005 10:47:30 AM · #10 |
The Washington Post’s Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the 2003 winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
And the pick of the literatureâ€Â¦
Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
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12/12/2005 10:54:59 AM · #11 |
Ok.. was this your idea????
::points to the King of Puns crown on Shannon's head::
Originally posted by scalvert:
Well, you KNOW I'm gonna try! My entry in Humor II was embarrassing. I won't suffer the same humiliation THIS time!
(It'll probably be an all-new humiliation) ;-) |
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12/12/2005 11:18:29 AM · #12 |
| Nope- not my idea, but a challenge that I might be interested in... ;-D |
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12/12/2005 11:22:34 AM · #13 |
A challenge too soon:
Actually, didn't score too well, so nevermind.... |
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12/12/2005 11:56:08 AM · #14 |
I am so looking forward to seeing the submissions for this one - it will be a VERY funny challenge.
Shannon (Scalvert) will probably win it, but we'll still enjoy all the other entries, too. |
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12/12/2005 03:01:01 PM · #15 |
:) |
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12/12/2005 03:22:56 PM · #16 |
Found these for the dedicated photographer :)
I hired a ghost photographer. The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
To photograph peas, you need a good try pod. |
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12/12/2005 03:37:20 PM · #17 |
The surefire title for this challenge's "brown"...
...SHAMPOO... |
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12/12/2005 04:01:10 PM · #18 |
Originally posted by DrAchoo:
The surefire title for this challenge's "brown"...
...SHAMPOO... |
But only if you cheated... |
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12/12/2005 04:14:02 PM · #19 |
Originally posted by Xilebo:
Found these for the dedicated photographer :)
I hired a ghost photographer. The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
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I remember reading something regarding this axiom and Russian literalism. The translation/retranslation came back:
"The vodak was good, but the meat was rotten"
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12/12/2005 04:25:19 PM · #20 |
Seems to me that the title is of paramount importance this time. Puns are for children, not groan readers. Here's some from my collection that might have good visual tag lines.
---
For those who thought the hardest part of Physics 101 was the constant
conversion from MKS or CGS units to English units, here are some useful
English system conversions.
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite
year
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
365.25 days: 1 unicycle
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital:
1 I.V. League
---
1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor
11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd
dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat
---
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condoments.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me
the ax.
If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality
comes from morons?
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
---
1. A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he
said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
2. A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit,
and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One
afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was
dismayed to find that he was out of hazlenut extract. Thinking
quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it
on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of
the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm
sorry", replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
3. A hungry African lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a
tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers
cramp.
4. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent
in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would
win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
5. A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these
alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam;
then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's
wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two
tents."
6. A man goes to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his
mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put
in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The
man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife
made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on
everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything." "Well," says
the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made
with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away
your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use
chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the
Hollandaise!" |
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12/12/2005 07:22:36 PM · #21 |
Some of those are really cute!!! BUT, none of them are mine!! I doubt mine will be duplicated THIS time. LOL....I smell a ribbon in my future with this one :)
Rose |
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12/12/2005 08:02:22 PM · #22 |
Originally posted by Rose8699:
I smell a ribbon in my future with this one :) |
Whiff your best entry ever?
Message edited by author 2005-12-12 20:02:45. |
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12/12/2005 08:06:00 PM · #23 |
Originally posted by scalvert:
Originally posted by Rose8699:
I smell a ribbon in my future with this one :) |
Whiff your best entry ever? |
Whiff? LOL....I whiff that my cheese entry is a great one too, and "smells" of at least top ten.
I'm not sure, but I do think it is a top 10 if not top 3 winner this time for pun.
Everytime I think its my best entry ever though, it tanks. :)
My candlelight started at a 6.0. I thought for sure it would go up from there, but it is tanking and my Christmas is rising when it SHOULD be tanking. I'm perplexed, but still excited to keep on trying, even if it is against YOU! LOL....
Rose
Message edited by author 2005-12-12 20:08:14. |
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12/12/2005 08:08:21 PM · #24 |
scalvert is definitely a shoe-in for this challenge. The best anyone can hope for is second place. Shannon is the master - he couldn't possibly lose this one. I mean if anyone bests Shannon in this challenge, he may as well hand over his camera. Vegas has 200-to-1 odds on anyone beating Shannon.
**see how he holds up under this kind of pressure**
Good luck Shannon! |
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12/12/2005 08:09:08 PM · #25 |
| Mine is shot and ready to submit. Look out world, here comes Cindi!!! :D |
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